Just an update: My 94 year-old mother has now moved to a retirement home in another city 5 minutes from my sister’s home. I had helped Mom to age in her apartment for 10 years (her health, of course, declined during that period), and am exhausted, and glad that this situation finally changed—it was derailing my retirement, and I struggled with the ongoing sense of being held hostage by an aging parent. It was hard because she truly appreciated all that I did for her; however, I still didn’t want to be stuck in that role forever. I had come to feel a sense of despair as I sometimes believed that I would be—that was the hardest part of it. I also didn’t willingly choose to become a caregiver—I found myself falling into the role because of proximity and Mom’s immediate needs.
My sister is now the primary caregiver. I am still in shock, and cannot believe that I am truly free.
Mom is settling into the retirement home, and we are now clearing out her apartment.
I will likely be returning to my previous city next year, and will visit Mom as I can.
I am getting counselling to help take my life back. I feel as though I’ve climbed a very steep mountain ⛰️, and have just made it over the other side. I will now work my way down.
I will continue to check in here to offer support (as I was supported by various members when I needed it).
It was proximity and Mom’s immediate needs that got me into that situation.
I will support my sister as I can, but now live too far away to step back into that role.
I will chart my path and move forward.
I also appreciate your affirming words. I am still processing this, but yes—am finally free to chart my own course.