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Well, right now I am mentally preparing to not live in a democratic intentioned country any longer ... and hoping to have my social security which is my main / only source of income.
I try to focus on what I can and cannot do.
What I can do ______________________________________
* Stay as PRESENT in real time as much as I am aware to do so (train my brain)
* Be grateful that I am able to walk ... move, exercise
* I am getting ready to go to the gym (that I can still afford)
* For the last 2+ years, I join in / listen to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Brain functioning/ plasticity expert (he wrote Buddha Brain), and Buddhist scholar Wed nights at 5:45pm Zoom.
* I am protesting in the streets (April 5 - huge national protest) as well as be aware of limiting the amount of 'news' and 'reality' I can handle (I watch Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell (MSNBC)
It is the best I can do right now. Future tripping will not serve me nor my mental health / day-to-day functioning / equanimity.
Even if I wanted to move to another country ... if I still have my social security, where would / could I go? Canada would be my preference although that doesn't seem like a possibility now.
In addition to the LTC policy (we bought it at age 50 cheaper the earlier you buy it) we have a will, poa, trust set up for our adult kids , living will , and made sure to include who can access our online accounts and passwords and do not allow feeding tube etc if we have dementia or alzheimers! I've tried to make it as easy as possible on my family. Also have written out funeral wishes. Choose not to prepay the funeral but money set aside for that
As a pretty healthy 74 yr old with one child who lives 12 hrs away…I started planning years ago. I have a will, medical directive and will soon finish my poa paperwork. I set up a legacy box with all important papers in a 3 ring binder. It includes finances, medical, insurances even accounts to close etc. I have downsized my possessions quite a bit. I have labeled estate jewelry as to value. My savings should manage my healthcare needs for 20 years. This is the best I could do..
We don’t plan to count on anyone else to meet our needs in old age. We WILL need a family member or other trusted person to manage/administrate the plans we have made if we are unable.
We have our important legal documents including DPOA, HCPOA, HIPPA designations, living wills and a trust and we periodically update them. We both bought LTC policies to mitigate financial stress and provide financial protection if one of us needs AL or SNF care before the other. Eventually we will probably sell our house and move to a 50+ community or buy into a continuing care facility if we can afford it. We will make our last wishes known including pre-paying for our final resting place (plots only). We are working on getting rid of “stuff” except for things we really like, or need or don’t want to have to buy again. I have four categories: Like, Need, Donate, Trash. We will plan on having DNR orders if very ill or frail. Our goal is to make it easy for our designated person to do what they need to do, have the funding to do it, and not have to make a lot of decisions.
Speaking as an American, all the of the above can go up in smoke if our “leaders” mess with Social Security, Medicare, anti-fraud watch-dog agencies, consumer protections and the economy in general. If those programs and savings are eviscerated, the best planning may be moot.
There are different kinds of caregiving. You may need someone to help you with your finances (bill paying, taxes, retirement/bank accounts), give you a ride to appointments, advocate for you in the hospital and/or fill your pill container. I have 3 children and they are the ones I would most trust to do these things. Then there is the more hands on caregiving (bathing, help in the bathroom) and dealing with progressing dementia and/or increased medical needs. I would not want my children to have to do this.
My preparations include: - I have been diligent about saving for retirement and for my future care needs. - I have an appointment this Friday with an attorney to discuss planning documents. I plan to name my kids as POA and Executor and back-ups. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have kids. I have 8 siblings but we are not close. - Slowly working to reduce my belongings; hope to progress faster after I retire. - I’ve been looking at listings for 55+ communities to downsize to hoping to find a smaller one story home with no stairs. (I thought about a “Golden Girls” arrangement, but roommates can be tough and there are still stairs, upkeep and maintenance to deal with) After that, it will depend on my physical and mental health.
After I fell off a 10 foot rock cliff in Maui last year (and lived), I saw a lawyer and did a Trust. Picked 2 younger, responsible adults (in their 40s) who will outlive me as my Successor Trustees. I'm 71 now and in good shape. But all of us know life can change in a second.
I plan to move to AL eventually, or whatever facility I need when (or if) I become unable to live alone safely. No hesitation. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning!
I have no kids, just 2 sisters and brother left, I've been estranged from for 23 years. One sister (retired RN, 77) I've been communicating with the past 3 years. I attempted reconciliation with the other sister that didn't happen.
My Trust instructs money be given to several great friends who helped me when I was down, unlike my siblings. I refused money, so they stuck cash in my jacket pockets or purse I would find later. Each of those 4 incredible people will get $75K each, for their generosity. They have no idea whatsoever. Surprise, surprise!
Nobody will get stuck with any hands-on caregiving for me, period. AL's recently built near Las Vegas are mini-resorts with total luxury and amenities, as well as affordable on my SS. Both Successor Trustees live in Nevada in Reno and Vegas.
I also plan both a Caribbean and Alaska cruise, in Fall 2025. Plus see a live rocket launch in Texas or Florida when I can arrange it.
DOROT is the Hebrew word for “generations." In 1976, it inspired our founders to engage with their older neighbors. The founders of DOROT, then recent graduates of Columbia University’s social work program, were pioneers in their approach to serving their older neighbors with the ultimate goal of alleviating social isolation.
@ Suzy, I have had a POLST done and hanging in closet for one and one half decades, and updated simply to make current. It is to keep EMT/EMS from doing heroic measures in the State of California. Otherwise, by law, they must attempt to resusictate. I encourage ALL who don't want EMS crushing your chest when you are 80 to consider doing your polst and have it hanging at the ready. They say on the refrig. Mine, my partner knows, is on the inner door of the broom closet. Perfectly legal. No need to be dying.
Some people touch on it, but do your survivors (family or friends) a favor and get your estate in order. We did a living trust, have POA set up with broker, reviewed designated beneficiaries, have medical POA and wills done. Live in an area with good medical. Get relationships set up with as many specialist as you can. I live in Washington DC which has medical aid in dying. I have talked to my doctors about this and made it clear this is a decision I did not take lightly. Live in a condo with no stairs. Grocery store across the street. Good public transportation. Mortgage paid off. Unfortunately I waited too late to get long term care insurance. Talk to whoever has medical power attorney (and make sure you have backups) what you want. As I think everyone here knows, there is not a clear path in terms of care when you start to decline or when/how to actually implement a DNR. There is a better form that in some place is called a "POST" that goes into more depth as to what types of treatment you want.
My understanding is that the Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) is specifically limited to people who are seriously ill. Hospice prepared a POLST for my dad when he began in-home hospice.
I watched both of my parents decline and die. I am 50 and married with no kids. My parents never had a will or had me down as a POA. They just figured because I am the only child, everything will go to me. I became a court appointed legal guardian.I testified in front of a judge that I was going to be fully responsible for my mom's care. I was under scrutiny because people steal money and commit fraud. Sold my mom's house to pay for her care. Now I am an Administrator of my mom's Estate. I am paying thousands to file inheritance tax. You are charged so many fees for filing anything. Trying to get money from their life insurance policies. I had to pay for my parents out of my pocket and close my savings account. My parents were only in personal care homes for months not years. They were hospitalized for so many times before their hearts gave out. I am very saddened by my parents dying. I don't know when this empty feeling will go away. I am also angry as hell. I tried to get my mom to plan her end of life arrangements a long time ago. I may go before my husband. I have him down as my beneficiary. I am going to try paying off the mortgage. I don't have an Estate plan yet, but I don't want him to be burdened.
I will always be grateful that my step-mom encouraged my dad to update everything to a complete estate plan (they have a pre-nep). He is very frugal and thought having me on his checking account would suffice (it would not have). The biggest thing so far that's helped me the most is the POA. My step-sister has one for her mom as well. Everything from bank account to car title transfers to getting them into long term care, we have been able to do. I have learned from all this that having a wheel chair ramp and grab bars in the bathroom does not mean you are prepared!
As a 32 year old with no kids at the moment, the only real thing I've done is prepare my will, mainly the personal property memorandum. I've listed beneficiaries for various items of mine and provided advice on what to do with various belongings that no friends or family want after I pass away, as well as backup plans for the items designated beneficiaries will get in the event they turn down whatever I plan on giving them.
Should I be childless by the time I get to where I need extra help, I'm not gonna be paranoid like my mom. I'm gonna bring in extra help.
Start preparing for that hefty expense now. Purchase Long-Term Care Insurance so you'll be covered when it's needed. LTCI premiums are not cheap, but worth it. We don’t know what the future has in store for our health. When dx’d with MS at 40, which only worsens over time, I was glad I had purchased LTCI now that I am disabled and require caregiving. I also have a Will, POA, AD, DNR, and have purchased prearrangement needs for my eventual passing.
Very interesting question and responses. I think that having been caregivers for loved ones and witnessing the subsequent helplessness that ensues evokes lots of anxiety as we position ourselves as the "next in line". I don't think it was my parent's intention for us (my husband and I) to perform caregiving duties but my brother has mental health issues and lives in another state so he couldn't help. How could I stand by and watch my parents become less and less able to manage their lives?? We cared for them during their decline and until their deaths. I/we now have multiple docs in place: POA, health care directive (as part of a Trust), DNR, VSED (voluntarily stop eating and drinking), dementia advance directive (form available at Compassion and Choices), and even POLST. We don't have children. We're currently searching for a single story home or a condominium because our current home has too many stairs both inside and outside. We will probably eventually end up in a graduated care living situation. Even so, caregivers are necessary in these places because there isn't enough staff to tend to all of the residents. I hope and pray that we can arrange for that scenario when the time comes. It's extraordinarily expensive. I kind of hope for "My Name Is Trouble"'s scenario...a depressing thought but watching my parent's decline gave me lots of PTSD.
Come down with dementia, Lou Gehrig disease or other horrible way to slowly die: Two bottles of Ambien, a quart of Jack Daniel’s and a lawn chair on a mountain top facing the west.
Be sure you have a DNR in place and distributed to your family, doctors and hospital.
We bought a long term care policy. We've kept our home that has 4br 2 ba . The policy will pay for someone to live with us . We saved enough money to cover any expenses not covered.
Fabulous Question!!!! And one everyone should ask themselves, kids/no kids, siblings/no siblings, etc. I've been the sole caregiver for my disabled husband for over 20 years, also for my "accident waiting to happen older brother" for 25 years, and numerous pets I've spent thousands on trying to save. Prior to all of this for 13 years I cared for my mom around my full-time work schedule.
Put it this way, 9 months ago my brother's last snafu was hospitalization for congestive heart failure and a broken hip. Cardiologist said his heart could give out in days/weeks/months. Hospital Social Worker asked him how he'll care for himself @ home alone, and he said, "I'll Just Die". Guess what, that seldom happens, and as always brother relies on me to help him. Yes, we have some county aides helping me, but I'm doing 80% of the work, plus there's still my husband and my cat with lymphoma and diabetes.
Just want to say to anyone out there who figures "You'll Just Die". Believe me, you or your loved ones probably aren't that lucky, and the "hell" involved with your care kills everyone else along with you. Please follow these great suggestions made on this site regarding planning for yourself. I'm just as guilty of not doing so for myself, but these last 9 months with my brother have proven to me that I need to start getting my affairs in order.
I have CA POA medical set up for two siblings and an extended natural relative. I am the youngest family member, so there’s a chance my two siblings may not outlive me. My middle aged niece lives in TX and the only natural relative to perhaps survive me, hopefully in good health at that time, since most of my natural family besides myself isn’t.
Meanwhile, eat a healthy diet and exercise 150 minutes weekly just as my doctor advises.
I am almost 64, separated from my husband of 40 years, and have two children - so I am kind of "butting in" on this conversation (apologies). However, I didn't see this suggestion: lift weights. I have had back surgery but I hired an expert who works with seniors and back pain IMPROVED. Just walking isn't good enough - I have a dog that's half Jack Russell and half Tasmanian Devil and we walk everywhere!! I sit in front of the TV and do sit-stands, and say to myself "on the pot, off the pot". I work on balance issues so I won't fall and break my hip. Luckily my house is paid for and the lower level has an exit to a patio, and I am planning on widening the bathroom door to accommodate a wheelchair. I have a microwave and refrigerator down there because at one time due to an extended illness (and no one to help me) I was too weak to climb the stairs. That episode scared me enough to invest in muscles once I recovered. There was no one to help me then, because my daughter lives 9 hours away, and my son lives nearby but has small children and an extremely stressful job so I will *never* ask him for help. Invest in your MUSCLES!
I am late 50s/ no kids. I watched and was caring for both my parents as they declined drastically over a five year span until they both passed within a few years of each other. They had planned for nothing and it was a nightmare that I still think I have PTSD from to this day. As an only child with now no remaining family this is a huge concern for me. I do have my will, my DNR, and my POA in place with a friend. I am hoping that family history holds true and that I will be out of this life by the time I’m 78, hopefully sooner. I have no problem taking myself out of this world if I have to. And that’s not a depression issue; just a matter of fact. Once my pets are gone I will feel better because I won’t be worrying about them should I pass while they are alive.I also arranged to have my body donated so no funeral to deal with.
After caring for two uncooperative nonagenarians for the last five years, I truly hope I drop dead from a heart attack for everyone’s sake.
But I probably won’t get that lucky. My husband and I already sold our house in NYC and relocated to the Bay Area and now live in a 725 foot condo so we now live near our only child. I am 69 and my DH is 73. If he predeceases me I plan to go into AL no later than 80, depending on mobility and general health. If my husband’s health fails I will figure out next steps.
i really don’t want my daughter to have to take me in. I want her to live and enjoy her life. I don’t want to be a burden.
HI, I have looked at facilities to enter as an independent living into a studio with 3 meals/day in dining room, activities and shuttle. The lowest cost in Jacksonville, FL is $2500/mo to begin with. This facility has care all the way to memory care. I find it suitable to live out life there when I can no longer work my full-time job. I am just saving what I can until that day arrives, which only God knows. No children by the way.
Saving as much money as I can and staying as healthy as I can. My house is paid for and at the right time, I'll downsize tremendously and move into AL. That is all I can do. We don't know what tomorrow brings, so I can't stress myself unendingly about how to pay for things when I'm 80 because I may not even get there. So I use common sense and spend little and stay healthy. I have made it clear to my nieces (I never had children) that I will absolutely NOT have any of them care for me. I am my mother's caretaker and I will not put this burden on anyone I love.
The nieces and nephews quit visiting after about the first year (and I understand and appreciate that as it is really painful to see my wife like this)— she is 87 and I am 84 (healthy now but never expected to live past 66)— so take care and enjoy every second now. Buena suerte
I originally joined this group when I began dealing with my mom's decline. But this subject is very concerning to me at my age now of 77 and my husband is 79. We have no living children after losing our son in 2014.
My mom was always the "in charge" person. She thankfully made me her legal POA. I remember in 2002 going with her to the attorney, but I didn't give a thought to find out what we were really doing. Had I not had that POA I honestly don't know what I would have done to take care of her after the dementia set in.
Completely ignorant, I learned a step at a time. She had a LTC policy. And let me say it was a battle every.single.month to get them to pay. I had to file a complaint with the State; do battle over the phone with the phone person even denying they had received the file.
Also the memory care facility administrator started trying to get rid of her for reasons I still don't know except she - the administrator had some personality problems or something and was eventually replaced.
I said that to relate that even if we have LTC policy (which we do), someone has to oversee every little thing. And hopefully look out for our well being. In the first place facilities and hired care givers and even medical staff are far from having the patients' well being as the first concern except for a few exceptional people.
As I type this I am every moment risking unscrupulous nieces having access to my goods at my demise or disability because I do not have end of life legal papers in place. They already were named by the state as heirs to my mom's because my brother passed unexpectedly. She had left everything to my brother and me, but nobody thought about him passing since he was younger. Something else I learned.
Mom was in the facility about 2-1/2 years before she passed. In total I payed an attorney almost $10,000 to handle the legalities. I feel like attorney fees are exorbitant and take advantage of laymen. When it costs a minimum of $300 to sit across from an attorney for an hour?! - Give me a break!! I can download a will form and POA from my state website. But ultimately will probably pay the attorney fee to get those in place, hoping his advice will not leave any such unknown or unrecognized as I had come up about my mom's estate.
I apologize for the long post and it going off subject. But maybe my issues will alert someone who may not have thought about some of them.
I want to share an opinion: I do not want to live past age 80 alone. I have anxiety disorder that may kill me, anyway. I lost my recent late girlfriend who passed away from her stress, isolated and heart attack from diabetes.
Married with no kids and no family in our city. We have LTC insurance, no debt, quite a bit in savings, and some real estate to sell. We will move to either the PNW to be near my family or to the UK to be near my husbands. We’re not sure yet, but we will need some family close by. We have carefully done our estate planning, but there is no way to plan for everything. If we leave the US all the money we’ve paid for LTC will have been a waste. Wherever we go we will have to pay for caregivers, but the way things are going it’s doubtful there will be enough to care for all who need it.
I'm 73 (this month) and expect to be a widow alone (hubby is 94 with dementia). I have no children and the planning is a bit treacherous until that time when I am alone. So far I have: 1. Purchased LTC insurance when I turned 50 and continue to pay the premiums -- I have made my DPOA (a woman 10 years my junior) "administrator" on that insurance, so she can step in and make use of it on my behalf. 2. Begun building my "Red Notebook" with the help of a work-book called, Sorry It's Your Problem Now, Because I'm Dead: End of Life Planner that Includes A Complete Record of My Accounts, Heirlooms and More. 3. Designated my DPOA, my Health Proxy & Executor. 4. Completed a will & and advanced directive (which in my state can be converted to a POLST when needed). 5. Begun cleaning out my belongings and hope to whittle down to a studio apartment level of belongings within a year of hubby's demise. 6. Pre-paid for my cremation (and his). 7. Arranged for our burial (both urns in the same grave) and finally 8. Selected specific belongings I want to go to individuals and begun giving them as gifts NOW. So far, that's it. I'm also working on ways to make my "final exit" as my state has only begun the legislative discussions about dignified life-ending assistance.
I think the best thing to do is devise a plan with a lot of "what-ifs." I am working on (and touring ) a list of retirement homes or nursing homes I could afford, sources for care giving options, finding a person(s) who is line to help make decisions when I can't, making a financial plan. I'm setting this up as if I was doing this for someone else.
Unlike some neighbors I’ve seen, who’ve retired early and have either had to move in with family because their marriage broke apart or they just didn’t plan right so they actually “got lucky” and died, I’m continuing and will continue to work, as long as I can hold onto my job and work on other streams of income, if I can. I’ve built a list of ideas, for myself, to hopefully make money. It was also why I fought for my inheritance so, if I have to sell the mortgage free house I inherited, I have that. I’ve long understood we were in a downward trend, whomever is in office. This, however, is a hallmark year, with what I see people going through, to try to remain fed and sheltered. I’m also a bit of a prepper so, I have 1 year of food stored up. My employer offers free long term care, but with things the way they are, what that will exactly look like, should I need it, I don’t know. Still, I have low expectations. No one knows what other changes will come, whether it’s economic, health, or how long they’ll live. It can be painful to watch, however. Even if the neighbors I had, had probably been a more prepared, it probably still wouldn’t have been enough. It is difficult because, I am just entering my senior years, as I’m days away, from turning 60. I’ve had neighbors and their families look to me for eldercare, in part, due to prejudicial reasons and not caring, if I worked 2 full time jobs. One neighbor was likely aiming for me to BE her entire financial, housing, and blessing care plan, as her family wanted nothing to do with her. For someone who doesn’t have, the math is easy. You just divide up your resources in half, they’re taken care of, you ruin your health caring for them and, when they die, you’ve got nothing. So, there are no good answers.
Hopefully you have replied NO to the neighbor who wanted to use you as her care planning, housing and financial aid. The saying goes: Sorry, but lack of planning on your part does not mean a crisis on my part. You need all your resources for you.
My older sister (66) is single and never had kids. She worries about this constantly, as we are both taking care of our mother now. She has an extremely close relationship with all of my children, so I’m confident they will not let her be neglected if I should go before her. Especially my oldest and his wife, she has made them secondary after me. They have agreed to be MPOA for her.
No kids, no burdens to kids. Don’t count on anyone’s or your children or grandchildren, or other family, for your care. Unfortunately, kids and grandkids all have to work for their own welfare to fund their future care. Everyone is outliving their money and health, thanks to advanced medical care.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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I try to focus on what I can and cannot do.
What I can do ______________________________________
* Stay as PRESENT in real time as much as I am aware to do so (train my brain)
* Be grateful that I am able to walk ... move, exercise
* I am getting ready to go to the gym (that I can still afford)
* For the last 2+ years, I join in / listen to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Brain functioning/ plasticity expert (he wrote Buddha Brain), and Buddhist scholar Wed nights at 5:45pm Zoom.
* I am protesting in the streets (April 5 - huge national protest) as well as be aware of limiting the amount of 'news' and 'reality' I can handle (I watch Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell (MSNBC)
It is the best I can do right now. Future tripping will not serve me nor my mental health / day-to-day functioning / equanimity.
Even if I wanted to move to another country ... if I still have my social security, where would / could I go? Canada would be my preference although that doesn't seem like a possibility now.
Gena / Touch Matters
We have our important legal documents including DPOA, HCPOA, HIPPA designations, living wills and a trust and we periodically update them. We both bought LTC policies to mitigate financial stress and provide financial protection if one of us needs AL or SNF care before the other. Eventually we will probably sell our house and move to a 50+ community or buy into a continuing care facility if we can afford it. We will make our last wishes known including pre-paying for our final resting place (plots only). We are working on getting rid of “stuff” except for things we really like, or need or don’t want to have to buy again. I have four categories: Like, Need, Donate, Trash. We will plan on having DNR orders if very ill or frail. Our goal is to make it easy for our designated person to do what they need to do, have the funding to do it, and not have to make a lot of decisions.
Speaking as an American, all the of the above can go up in smoke if our “leaders” mess with Social Security, Medicare, anti-fraud watch-dog agencies, consumer protections and the economy in general. If those programs and savings are eviscerated, the best planning may be moot.
My preparations include:
- I have been diligent about saving for retirement and for my future care needs.
- I have an appointment this Friday with an attorney to discuss planning documents. I plan to name my kids as POA and Executor and back-ups. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have kids. I have 8 siblings but we are not close.
- Slowly working to reduce my belongings; hope to progress faster after I retire.
- I’ve been looking at listings for 55+ communities to downsize to hoping to find a smaller one story home with no stairs. (I thought about a “Golden Girls” arrangement, but roommates can be tough and there are still stairs, upkeep and maintenance to deal with) After that, it will depend on my physical and mental health.
I plan to move to AL eventually, or whatever facility I need when (or if) I become unable to live alone safely. No hesitation. I'm sick of cooking and cleaning!
I have no kids, just 2 sisters and brother left, I've been estranged from for 23 years. One sister (retired RN, 77) I've been communicating with the past 3 years. I attempted reconciliation with the other sister that didn't happen.
My Trust instructs money be given to several great friends who helped me when I was down, unlike my siblings. I refused money, so they stuck cash in my jacket pockets or purse I would find later. Each of those 4 incredible people will get $75K each, for their generosity. They have no idea whatsoever. Surprise, surprise!
Nobody will get stuck with any hands-on caregiving for me, period. AL's recently built near Las Vegas are mini-resorts with total luxury and amenities, as well as affordable on my SS. Both Successor Trustees live in Nevada in Reno and Vegas.
I also plan both a Caribbean and Alaska cruise, in Fall 2025. Plus see a live rocket launch in Texas or Florida when I can arrange it.
The founders of DOROT, then recent graduates of Columbia University’s social work program, were pioneers in their approach to serving their older neighbors with the ultimate goal of alleviating social isolation.
I have had a POLST done and hanging in closet for one and one half decades, and updated simply to make current. It is to keep EMT/EMS from doing heroic measures in the State of California. Otherwise, by law, they must attempt to resusictate.
I encourage ALL who don't want EMS crushing your chest when you are 80 to consider doing your polst and have it hanging at the ready. They say on the refrig. Mine, my partner knows, is on the inner door of the broom closet.
Perfectly legal. No need to be dying.
Live in an area with good medical. Get relationships set up with as many specialist as you can. I live in Washington DC which has medical aid in dying. I have talked to my doctors about this and made it clear this is a decision I did not take lightly.
Live in a condo with no stairs. Grocery store across the street. Good public transportation. Mortgage paid off.
Unfortunately I waited too late to get long term care insurance.
Talk to whoever has medical power attorney (and make sure you have backups) what you want. As I think everyone here knows, there is not a clear path in terms of care when you start to decline or when/how to actually implement a DNR. There is a better form that in some place is called a "POST" that goes into more depth as to what types of treatment you want.
I've also signed up for 4 cruises over the next 18 months.
Goo for you to book cruises. You have to have fun in life while you can.
https://dorotusa.org/agingalonetogether
I am very saddened by my parents dying. I don't know when this empty feeling will go away. I am also angry as hell. I tried to get my mom to plan her end of life arrangements a long time ago. I may go before my husband. I have him down as my beneficiary. I am going to try paying off the mortgage. I don't have an Estate plan yet, but I don't want him to be burdened.
Should I be childless by the time I get to where I need extra help, I'm not gonna be paranoid like my mom. I'm gonna bring in extra help.
I don't think it was my parent's intention for us (my husband and I) to perform caregiving duties but my brother has mental health issues and lives in another state so he couldn't help. How could I stand by and watch my parents become less and less able to manage their lives?? We cared for them during their decline and until their deaths.
I/we now have multiple docs in place: POA, health care directive (as part of a Trust), DNR, VSED (voluntarily stop eating and drinking), dementia advance directive (form available at Compassion and Choices), and even POLST.
We don't have children.
We're currently searching for a single story home or a condominium because our current home has too many stairs both inside and outside. We will probably eventually end up in a graduated care living situation. Even so, caregivers are necessary in these places because there isn't enough staff to tend to all of the residents. I hope and pray that we can arrange for that scenario when the time comes. It's extraordinarily expensive. I kind of hope for "My Name Is Trouble"'s scenario...a depressing thought but watching my parent's decline gave me lots of PTSD.
Be sure you have a DNR in place and distributed to your family, doctors and hospital.
Put it this way, 9 months ago my brother's last snafu was hospitalization for congestive heart failure and a broken hip. Cardiologist said his heart could give out in days/weeks/months. Hospital Social Worker asked him how he'll care for himself @ home alone, and he said, "I'll Just Die". Guess what, that seldom happens, and as always brother relies on me to help him. Yes, we have some county aides helping me, but I'm doing 80% of the work, plus there's still my husband and my cat with lymphoma and diabetes.
Just want to say to anyone out there who figures "You'll Just Die". Believe me, you or your loved ones probably aren't that lucky, and the "hell" involved with your care kills everyone else along with you. Please follow these great suggestions made on this site regarding planning for yourself. I'm just as guilty of not doing so for myself, but these last 9 months with my brother have proven to me that I need to start getting my affairs in order.
I have CA POA medical set up for two siblings and an extended natural relative. I am the youngest family member, so there’s a chance my two siblings may not outlive me. My middle aged niece lives in TX and the only natural relative to perhaps survive me, hopefully in good health at that time, since most of my natural family besides myself isn’t.
Meanwhile, eat a healthy diet and exercise 150 minutes weekly just as my doctor advises.
I think resistance training also helps maintain bone density which is needed at least for women.
But I probably won’t get that lucky. My husband and I already sold our house in NYC and relocated to the Bay Area and now live in a 725 foot condo so we now live near our only child. I am 69 and my DH is 73. If he predeceases me I plan to go into AL no later than 80, depending on mobility and general health. If my husband’s health fails I will figure out next steps.
i really don’t want my daughter to have to take me in. I want her to live and enjoy her life. I don’t want to be a burden.
I have looked at facilities to enter as an independent living into a studio with 3 meals/day in dining room, activities and shuttle. The lowest cost in Jacksonville, FL is $2500/mo to begin with. This facility has care all the way to memory care. I find it suitable to live out life there when I can no longer work my full-time job. I am just saving what I can until that day arrives, which only God knows. No children by the way.
My mom was always the "in charge" person. She thankfully made me her legal POA. I remember in 2002 going with her to the attorney, but I didn't give a thought to find out what we were really doing. Had I not had that POA I honestly don't know what I would have done to take care of her after the dementia set in.
Completely ignorant, I learned a step at a time. She had a LTC policy. And let me say it was a battle every.single.month to get them to pay. I had to file a complaint with the State; do battle over the phone with the phone person even denying they had received the file.
Also the memory care facility administrator started trying to get rid of her for reasons I still don't know except she - the administrator had some personality problems or something and was eventually replaced.
I said that to relate that even if we have LTC policy (which we do), someone has to oversee every little thing. And hopefully look out for our well being. In the first place facilities and hired care givers and even medical staff are far from having the patients' well being as the first concern except for a few exceptional people.
As I type this I am every moment risking unscrupulous nieces having access to my goods at my demise or disability because I do not have end of life legal papers in place. They already were named by the state as heirs to my mom's because my brother passed unexpectedly. She had left everything to my brother and me, but nobody thought about him passing since he was younger. Something else I learned.
Mom was in the facility about 2-1/2 years before she passed. In total I payed an attorney almost $10,000 to handle the legalities. I feel like attorney fees are exorbitant and take advantage of laymen. When it costs a minimum of $300 to sit across from an attorney for an hour?! - Give me a break!!
I can download a will form and POA from my state website. But ultimately will probably pay the attorney fee to get those in place, hoping his advice will not leave any such unknown or unrecognized as I had come up about my mom's estate.
I apologize for the long post and it going off subject. But maybe my issues will alert someone who may not have thought about some of them.
so heartbreaking.
You need all your resources for you.