I had an enlightening reaction to a horrible incident that happened on Saturday! The lack of emotion and the underlying hate he shows towards me is scary! I try to get the doctors to listen but they put in their comments. The wife took over the appointment? If he just sits there and lies how is he getting the care he needs?I have not gotten involved with any doctor since and he hasn't seen a doctor in months! Yes, I am getting emotional and health care! I am trying to handle the important issues but I am losing strength!
Evil plans? If he can make plans he doesn't have dementia. He's working with scrambled eggs. If he is demented he doesn't know what he is saying. He's working with ever degrading social filters, becoming a bit savage or simply like a lost child and then a baby.
Anger is often a self preservation mode based on fear and/or the inability to comprehend logically. It can't be helped, even with some immature healthy people. You should not have to endure hateful treatment but, if you understand his brain is dying and that his behavior is not because of you, you may be able to see more clearly and proceed from that perspective. Find a support group of dementia care givers, either in person or by zoom meeting. Some support groups have people join in from different states so it doesn't have to be a group from your state.
If you can, make an appointment with a neurologist. Tell your husband, if you must, that the appointment is for you, and you need his support. Prior to going into the appointment, give the front desk a letter in an envelope that clearly and concisely spells out your observations. Oh course, write your observations before you go. On that envelope write…Please give to doctor before calling us in to the exam room.
When you are exhausted, and emotionally beat up too, it's almost impossible to think clearly, but you are going to have to work smartly, out-wittingly, not harder.
I've communicated volumes by just quietly sitting and gently shaking my head no out of view of my husband and his comments, or showing without craziness on my part my thoughts by gently rolling my widening eyes with a slight head tilt. Doctor's are on the alert for such signals. Maybe you've seen the doctor speak to the patient and yet shift his eyes from you and back to him. Follow the doctor's lead. Be sensitive to the doctor's methods. Ask for recommendations. Be wise.
Doctors can't be plagued with two people out in left field, one by their mental condition and the other due to their emotions. Two distraught people x's 20 appointments a day. Doctors work better with you if you go in as a team player and not as an additional patient. They know all to well what you're going through. One thing at a time.
Keep in mind, it's not forever. Find out what's available around you. One bit of advice will lead to better advice. Drink lots of water and take deep breaths.
You can get him in a facility. You see an elder lawyer andvhave your assets split. His split will go to his care and when almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. Once on Medicaid you remain in the home, have a car and enough or all of the monthly income to live on. Once he is placed you don't have to go see him. All his needscwill be taken care of. He will get a Personal needs allowance, my State $50, a month to use on things he needs, like a haircut. Leave the money there and you will get enough for clothes. They don't need much.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-have-about-had-it-my-husband-in-are-early-years-was-a-bully-now-it-can-be-worse-490590.htm?orderby=recent
Patients lieing to doctors, and doctors get 15 minutes with a patient and have no clue what's going on.
Even family members that only see loved ones when they are at their best, don't see what the people see that are doing hands on caregiving.
Please let us know more so we can try and help you
I hope that you will explain the situation to us. Without an explanation there is little we can do other than to wish you strength and good luck.