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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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You don't do anything. He is unlikely now to remember any of it, so too late for discussion. If you are now unable still, as a grownup, to process what happened to you as a helpless child from a dreadful man totally incapable of being a father, you should get some psychological counseling so that you can put what happened to you as a helpless child to the background, and get on with living a quality happy life.
As to your father, I would have nothing to do with him, were it me. But had it been me I would have had nothing to do with him from the very second I reached age of majority.
I wish you the best. Don't miss this one chance at a good life. Live it with wonder so that you do not pass on a generational legacy of pain.
You stay as far away from him as possible, as you owe this man nothing...as in NOTHING!!! I was sexually abused by my father for over 11 years, and other than forgiving him and my mother(because she knew and chose to nothing about it)as an adult I made the decision to remove them both from my life as I knew for my own mental health's sake, and also my then young children's sake that I had to do that. And I have no regrets. Both my parents have been dead for many years now, and I am at peace with my past. Please let the state take over his care if needed, and like I already said, stay away from him as you owe him nothing.
As said, you do not become his caregiver. If he is at the stage he should not be alone, call APS. Tell them because of the abuse, you cannot care for him. Hopefully the State will assign a guardian and they will take over.
Michelle, I've already responded below to your post, but I wanted to add, to please don't EVER refer to yourself as a "victim." Those of us that have survived any kind of abuse are now instead of victims, survivors and victors, and that's a HUGE difference. So be careful of the words that you're speaking to yourself, as I know you'd rather be walking around as victor and survivor than a victim right?
I have the same problem but with my husband. I am 65 years old and struggling with stage 3 breast cancer and he is 71. For many years he had no interest in sex with me at all. But for no reason I can understand has become totally obsessed with it. 3 years ago he decided he is a nudist. To be clear I have no problem with him being naked if it makes him happy but since then he has developed the obsession with sex, masturbation and pornography. In other ways he seems to be functioning fine, although he is quite forgetful and can be very confrontational for no reason. He wants to have sex everyday, all day long. To be clear he cannot really perform so it ends up being hours and hours and fiddling. My kids refuse to visit or to allow my grandkids to visit me anymore because of his behavior. He also is inappropriate with my 14 year old grand daughter. He hasn't abused her on anything like that but his comments and behavior around her make her and everyone else feel very uncomfortable. I spoke to the dr and asked her to test him for dementia but she says she cannot test him without his approval. It is not funny and only those who need to be around someone like this truly understand how bad it is. I'm really tired of people telling me I should give him sex when he want it. What about me and my needs? The last thing I feel like after coming home from Chemotherapy is sex. I have repeatedly asked him to masturbate in the bedroom and to put clothes on when people come visits. He says he will but the next day he's back to being naked and trying to mount me. This is a real problem and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I have tried speaking to him about repeatedly and have even asked his son to talk to him about it it but it doesn't help. If I'm pleasant or kind to him he immediately thinks it's time for sex. I'd love to know what the answer is. I definitely know it is not funny or sexy or the least bit pleasant being with someone like this.
This answer is for DesparatelySad: I would leave my husband if he had dementia that included bothering me physically. I can't bear any kind of harassment or unwanted touching. I realize this is a complicated situation, especially with your illness. And I don't know where I would go or how I would afford to live by myself. I just know I couldn't live in the same place as him without locking him out or hitting him to make him stop. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Call a lawyer and ask for advice. He needs to be separated from you and your family.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
He is unlikely now to remember any of it, so too late for discussion.
If you are now unable still, as a grownup, to process what happened to you as a helpless child from a dreadful man totally incapable of being a father, you should get some psychological counseling so that you can put what happened to you as a helpless child to the background, and get on with living a quality happy life.
As to your father, I would have nothing to do with him, were it me. But had it been me I would have had nothing to do with him from the very second I reached age of majority.
I wish you the best. Don't miss this one chance at a good life. Live it with wonder so that you do not pass on a generational legacy of pain.
I was sexually abused by my father for over 11 years, and other than forgiving him and my mother(because she knew and chose to nothing about it)as an adult I made the decision to remove them both from my life as I knew for my own mental health's sake, and also my then young children's sake that I had to do that.
And I have no regrets. Both my parents have been dead for many years now, and I am at peace with my past.
Please let the state take over his care if needed, and like I already said, stay away from him as you owe him nothing.
Those of us that have survived any kind of abuse are now instead of victims, survivors and victors, and that's a HUGE difference. So be careful of the words that you're speaking to yourself, as I know you'd rather be walking around as victor and survivor than a victim right?
For many years he had no interest in sex with me at all. But for no reason I can understand has become totally obsessed with it.
3 years ago he decided he is a nudist. To be clear I have no problem with him being naked if it makes him happy but since then he has developed the obsession with sex, masturbation and pornography.
In other ways he seems to be functioning fine, although he is quite forgetful and can be very confrontational for no reason.
He wants to have sex everyday, all day long. To be clear he cannot really perform so it ends up being hours and hours and fiddling.
My kids refuse to visit or to allow my grandkids to visit me anymore because of his behavior. He also is inappropriate with my 14 year old grand daughter. He hasn't abused her on anything like that but his comments and behavior around her make her and everyone else feel very uncomfortable.
I spoke to the dr and asked her to test him for dementia but she says she cannot test him without his approval.
It is not funny and only those who need to be around someone like this truly understand how bad it is.
I'm really tired of people telling me I should give him sex when he want it. What about me and my needs? The last thing I feel like after coming home from Chemotherapy is sex.
I have repeatedly asked him to masturbate in the bedroom and to put clothes on when people come visits. He says he will but the next day he's back to being naked and trying to mount me.
This is a real problem and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I have tried speaking to him about repeatedly and have even asked his son to talk to him about it it but it doesn't help.
If I'm pleasant or kind to him he immediately thinks it's time for sex.
I'd love to know what the answer is. I definitely know it is not funny or sexy or the least bit pleasant being with someone like this.
I would leave my husband if he had dementia that included bothering me physically. I can't bear any kind of harassment or unwanted touching. I realize this is a complicated situation, especially with your illness. And I don't know where I would go or how I would afford to live by myself. I just know I couldn't live in the same place as him without locking him out or hitting him to make him stop. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Call a lawyer and ask for advice. He needs to be separated from you and your family.