My mother, on several occasions, can make others look at me as a terrible person. The first time she convinced a doctor I would keep things, such as meds or food, from her to a point I almost was reported to social services. Thankfully a nurse on staff assured the doctor I was not that way! Another time during a doctors visit, when asked “how are you doing,” her reply was “I’d be just fine if it wasn’t for my son!” I was in the room sitting right beside her! I felt about 2 inches tall and frustrated at the same time! Just tonight my daughter told me my mother said she witnessed me hitting my 34 year old son when he was over during Christmas that it upset her so bad! I never did this, totally untrue and made up! And she shares with others saying “ I’m just like my dad!” They got divorced when I was 11 yrs old. When it’s me and her all she ever does is tells me how much she appreciates and loves me. For me, this is the hardest thing to deal with taking care of her. But it can really make me mad at times thinking it can cause doubt in others and how they look at me! Is this common with dementia? Should I tell her doctor to protect me?
Maybe try to find a seminar for you on Dementia/ALZ. Check with ur local hospital. We have an AL that has seminars open to the public. Office of Aging too. It will help you to understand what Mom is going thru. Utube has videos. The one I like is under "Alzheimer video". Its the yellow brain one. The stages they show are close to Dementia. Alz effects the brain different than Dementias.
Good luck and god bless.
DO NOT get upset or angry with your Mom! Easier said than done. I found out the hard way that if I responded in a negative or emotional way when Mom said untrue things about me that certain staff members at the nursing home and some friends and family members thought that maybe, just maybe, what Mom was saying was true. The Social Service Assistant at the nursing home that Mom was in thought that I was stealing from Mom's checking account (among other things) so she helped Mom change her POA from me to our family attorney. I had to petition for guardianship and conservatorship before I got the Social Service Assistant to realize that Mom was lying. Luckily the attorneys involved in the petition process decided that Mom did not know what was going on and reinstated my DPOA for both Finances and Healthcare.
Keep a journal of your Mom's untrue statements as proof that she is lying and that her mental status is impaired. Has your Mom been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse practitioner? It might be helpful to have a definite diagnosis of Dementia or a factual evaluation that your Mom is mentally/cognitively impaired. Are you the POA for Finances and for Healthcare for your Mom?
What she is saying are not “lies”. They are verbal expressions of a disordered and broken brain.
Whatever you can “make” her do will not effect her behavior. Words that you attempt to make her repeat will not effect her altered feelings and reactions.
I carry a brief statement from a geriatric psychiatrist that explains my LO’s verbal reactions to her surroundings.
If her doctor has not observed some aberrations in her recent behavior you may want to seek out someone trained in the care of patients with dementia. By all means phone him and let him know what you are seeing.
there in front of everyone...tell Mom she must stop telling lies about you and apologize right there in front of everyone. Not just “I apologize”....but “ I am sorry I told that lie about you hitting your son. I am sorry I told that lie to the doctors about you keeping medicine from me...”. Etc. she has to own up to the lies she is telling...and do it in such a way that other recognize the story she told and know it for a lie from her own lips.
I would require this from her as the only only solution to you remaining to help her. Otherwise, the day will come when she will have APS on your back and it might not go so well for you. You need the family to be able to back you up...knowing how your Mom lies and being able to articulate that to APS should it come to it