I’m Executor of mom’s Trust. She passed away three days ago. I’m preparing for her funeral. Certain family members are giving their opinions on who should be there, how long the service should be, etc. I’ve listened to there complaints, and suggestions and sympathize with them, however I have to consider what mom would have wanted. I am trying to avoid any conflict by inviting long family friends and not just family members. Any suggestions on how to handle this issue?
What I am trying to say is you really don't invite people unless you are keeping it private. And then, you do what Mom would have wanted.
Otherwise I think that this isn't a wedding. You don't do RSVP. You simply let family and friends know who, what, where, when and how of the services.
The opinions of others, if you have been put in charge of this, are irrelevant. Listening to them will only cause argument. There is no reason to listen to that so simply tell meddlers "I have just lost my mother. I have NO INTENTION of listening to this drivel. You are welcome to attend. If you do so you should be polite and then move on."
That should do it.
I'd carry out your mom's wishes and ask any troublemakers to leave the service. What a pathetic crowd to be making a fuss over a funeral, for crying out loud. I'm sorry you're dealing with such nonsense. I'd personally tell them all I don't WANT their opinions or suggestions and to stay home if they have any issues with who will be attending.
Best of luck to you.
Some people do leave instructions, so hopefully you've looked through her paperwork to see if she specified anything. It's true you should memorialize and celebrate them in a manner that would not displease them... but funerals are also for the living, for grieving and closure.
We've had people pose this question before on this forum. I just don't know how you will control who comes and who doesn't unless you decide to have a very private "invitation only" service (no mention in the obit). It's a lot of stress to add to an already stressful day. If the unwanteds show up, what are your relatives gonna do? Make a scene? Start a fight?
Invitation only is more work but may be worth it. IMO you and your Mom's spouse (if still living) and your siblings are the only ones who should have a say in the funeral arrangements. If your Mom's siblings or cousins or such are voicing an opinion... I'm sorry but you have to draw the line. More decision-makers mean more chaos and division.
May you and your family have a comforting memorial for her, and peace in your hearts as you move through your grief.
Its up to each individual person whether they want to attend or not.