Hate to go into this, Dad and I have been living together for about 10 years due to over priced rent, no way around it. We have to room together (California). Dad was fine when we moved in, but the last 5 years a steep decline (touch of dementia) and then, last year loss of bladder control. He now is falling down alot. I work full time then come home clean up his messes. Wet clothes as well as used diapers (when he ables to change himself) and of coarse, make dinner and do all the cleaning. Please understand I am not complaining, but he needs more care than I can handle or even provide. He gets around $2,200/month social security. He ran up a bunch of credit cards years ago and he took out personal loans. He was getting calls that he automatically qualified for these loans and they gave it to him. One even has a loan against his car which is worthless. When we found out, we called lthe ender and told them hes an 86 yr old man in decline and to knock it off. They complied. Ran up the cards buying crap on the internet for his room. About 4 years ago we took away all his cards and have been paying down the balance with his SS as well as the car loan. Cards are almost all paid, but the car loan is still about 6k. No idea what he did with the money when he was mobile. Yes, he has fallen for scams on the phone that cost him a bundle. We live on the sencond floor of an appt, I have pleaded with the apartment complex to get us a fist floor BUT no one is moving out. My sister tried to take him once a week but getting him up and down the stairs is hardly worth it and hes an angry old man. I don't want to go into that, I've left 3 messages with the Dept of Ageing and cannot get a call back. I am overwhelmed and at a total loss on what to do. We would love to get him into a home but his SS is only $2,200 and about $600 of this is going to his bills and $600 to help with rent. Believe me we tried to get something cheaper, but nothing is open as far as a safe place to live. I'm lost as to where or how to get him into a home with the CC bills and car note and it leave not much.. I'm so sorry, I can't. I don't know what else to do.
First thing you need to do is completely forget about his debt. Do not pay anymore money towards the credit cards. I wish you had done this 4 years ago. At his age, he does not need to be worried about his credit score or history. The car loan, yes, you need to pay that if you need the car for transportation. Otherwise, that would be repossessed. If the car is not needed anymore, you can stop paying the car loan as well. Dad is judgement proof, or in other words, the creditors cannot take his SS money.
With his income, he is not going to be able to afford assisted living, so the goal is going to have to be getting him into a home covered by MediCal. I started writing this without reading the other responses, but have now read AlvaDeer's response. Please follow her advice, it is exactly what I would say as well. What I eventually had to do was send my father to the ER, and work with the SW's there to place him in a nursing home. My father was likely more ill than yours is though as his dementia was quite advanced, so in your case your father may have to be more agreeable to go that route.
As far as calling APS, that IS an option, because you have to work and can't be with him all the time. If he needs 24 hour supervision, and you can't provide it, APS should step in to help. Remember, you do not have to quit your job and are in no way required to take care of him. If APS deems him at risk and you cannot adequately take care of him, this is not your fault, because you need to work. That was the situation I was in.
The ER is going to be the last resort. If he falls and can't get up, you need to start thinking about calling 911, have him transported to the hospital, and then convincing the hospital that he is not safe anymore at home and they need to help get him into a facility.
The problem is for you though, and this happened to me as well, is that if dad goes into a facility under Medicaid, the majority of his SS income will also need to be used to help pay for his care. This means you will lose his income to help pay for rent. It hurts, but unfortunately there is no way around that, so you will be forced to make do and pay rent without his income.
Bill collectors cannot get a court order for payment against SS funds, so Dad's Social Security checks couldn't have been touched. The bills weren't collectable because he had no home, no savings, no car worth taking. They would ruin his credit, but that would have been a GOOD thing; no more loans.
Too late on that now, but as to bills don't let him pay a single one of them.
The car will be confiscated; again, that's a good thing.
Be certain that YOU nor any other family member ever pays a bill; they may claim (the creditors) that you assumed the debt.
You father needs application for Medicaid now, and placement in a nursing home.
You can start in his doctor's office to find out where and how he can apply. A senior center in your town/county may help. And you can begin researching online at Medicare and Medicaid or for your own state's Medicaid policies and applications.
I wish you good luck. Remember, he is collection proof.
Continue to call APS and make this emergency calls of Senior at immediate risk. They can help you with Medicaid applications, with immediate temporary guardianship to place your dad and etc.
Last resort? Dad gets sent to ER. Use anything you like as an excuse--even the urine problem. Once in you will have access to Social Workers and start asking for them immediately on admission. A complete evaluation and placement into care can be done from the hospital.
Sorry. You sound as though you are feeling very helpless. I'm glad you have the help of your sister in town as she can help you research all this.
I can't imagine why you are getting no response from APS in your area. I wish you well.
And yes he needs WAY more help than you or your sister can now provide, as he will only get worse.
With his low income he should be able to qualify for Medicaid or California's version of that anyway, so I would start there. And then you can call your local Senior Services and Area Agency on Aging to see what other help may be available as well.
And when all else fails you can call 911 and have your dad taken to the hospital under the guise of him having an UTI. Once he's been evaluated you let the doctors and hospital social worker that he CANNOT return home as he is an unsafe discharge.
They will try and talk you into taking him home with telling you what they will all do to help you, but don't fall for it as it's all lies.
Instead, stand you ground and keep saying that he's an "unsafe discharge" and they will HAVE TO find the right facility to place him in.
Dementia sucks and I'm sorry that your dad is yet one more victim of this horrific disease.
Best wishes in getting him the help he so desperately needs.
I have no Idea how I would handle them sending him back home in a cab. Its just a sad situation that I cant handle his care,
His name is on the apartment lease if it makes a difference.
Are you guys saying best option is no POA and when hes admitted to ER next time tell them he has no safe place to go? Thank you again
I've also read that the 911 call and not picking them up you can be arrested for elder abuse?
Thank you for your insight I really do appreciated it.
Would an elder care attorney be able to walk me thru this? I just don't
want any kind of trouble with this, its already hard enough,, Thank you again,
The "elder abuse" fear is unfounded. Don't listen to any of that nonsense. It is possible the hospital will put him in a taxi and send him back to your house -- I've read about this happening on this forum. The ER my SFIL was in (in MN) had the Sheriff call me and tell me he was going to drop him off at the house and that I'd better be there. I had to leave work in the middle of the day, find people to carpool my young kids from school and try to get a 6'4" man with Parkinsons up stairs and into a home where he was only going to continue to fall down. Eventually the county did get guardianship for him, but it was a process. I think CA's social services is overwhelmed on a grand scale, so you will need to be patient.
Even if you were able to have PoA for your Dad, he would still need to afford and accept in-home aids or facility care, and physically cooperate with moving to a facility (you may need to have him go by medical transport so that they can safely get him downstairs in a gurney.
You call 911 and tell them he's not acting normal and that he may have an untreated UTI. Do not tell them you think he has dementia since this is not considered a medical emergency and they probably won't come.
Once you are at the ER with him, you tell the discharge people he is an "unsafe discharge" (those exact words). This is because he's uncooperative with any care and that you aren't his caregiver, cannot be and don't want to be. Don't believe any story the hospital tells you that they'll "help' you if you just take him home. This is literally a lie. Refuse to take him home and make sure no other family member retrieves him.
Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker about discharging him directly into a facility and his need for a legal guardian.
Although this may solve one problem (getting him care) it may create another one, which is that once he has a legal guardian you won't have access to any of his funds or insights into or control over his accounts. So, if you're relying on him to help pay for rent... this will no longer be possible. His debt will be the problem of the legal guardian. Everything that is his will come under the control of the guardian.
I totally understand your predicament. There won't be a perfect solution but you can't keep going the way that you have. Kudos to you for doing yeoman's work on behalf of your Dad, but you both need a different solution and he will only get worse with each passing month.
I wish you peace in your heart as you work towards a solution.