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I'm hoping that this discussion will help me and others. This forum is a wonderful place to converse with people who understand.To make an incredibly long story short, my father has been in a care facility since last year in May. It is definitely where he needs to be because of his medical and physical limitations. Although my father and I have had a difficult relationship, it pains me to see him decline. I'm tearing up as I type this. Overall, he is doing well but I can see the difference. He can not walk, he wears diapers and is also showing signs of dementia. My therapist told me I was a fixer. It is true. I want to fix everything that ails others but this, I can not fix. Getting older is a privilege. He will be 80 this summer. Sometimes I feel so sorry for him and then sometimes I get upset because of the flashbacks of how he treated my mom and I. He told me recently that he was ready to go whenever the Lord calls him. He has never said this before and he says he misses seeing me daily. I'm thinking that being there has given him time to think about a lot of things. Anyway, please chime in if you can relate. Happy Valentine's to all of you!

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Your dad is becoming kinder as he faces aging and decline. The kindness is a blessing to you and one day you’ll draw comfort from it. Both my parents had a long, slow decline, so hard to watch, and how it was for them I cannot yet imagine and can only hope I won’t ever know fully. Your dad’s health failing is the natural course of life, accepting this will help you, but it will remain hard to watch. Forgive the past, a gift to give yourself. Hold dad’s hand, reassure him, and treat yourself with care. I wish you peace
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Yes, watching the slow decline is so hard!

My dad died at age 72 (the age I am now) of leukemia. My mom lived to 94, in a nursing home with dementia, stroke, hip fracture and CHF. It was long, slow, painful to watch unraveling that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
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Happy Valentine’s Day to you, FB!

I am so glad to hear that your father seems to be “mellowing out” if you will as he declines. Of course it doesn’t change the past but at least you are getting some relief in the present moment. What a very poignant and sensitive time for you.

Thinking of you. 😊
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