She has been in hospital a few days basically sleeping
And going back and forth between delirium than ativan induced sedation
Nurses keep telling me no change not worse or better, even said that this morning.
But later in AM, an NP called saying shes bad, the family better get there so we assumed she was gone . My brother and I raced up and went into room and another nurse was there. We said to nurse, so down to hours, huh?
He said, no, I dont think we are thinking that way . Then another couple of MDs, RNS, etc came in saying yes not in great shape, and they are not saying the end is not there, but they dont know, it could be days, weeks
Then the NP who had called came in and said based on what she saw today she better have us come up, and maybe that is smart, but still, we felt relieved but also a tad annoyes
Once again we are in situation of do we stay here until it happens but that could be days so we said goodbye to her (in the event she can here) as though it was a final goodbye and left
But before that the social worker came in and said we have to start thinking of putting her in hospice, and where to go (home, SNF? One of thos hospice homes?
I was a bit puzzled, I had thought my mom would not, and may not leave the hospital alive
SW said she heard what med people said, and she said she is not a doctor, but in her career has seen thousands of people like my mom and many have lasted, weeks, months, some have even made a comeback
So I am hoping she does last enough so that we can put her in a nice hospice home (they are expensive but I suppose the assumption is that you are not there a long time) so maybe my mom can even become a bit cognizant so we can have a few more conversations.
I am still puzzled what brought the events of this last week on, and it sounds like the medical personnel are too
Grace and peace to you as you mourn your mother’s passing.
Very wise and comforting words . I am assuming we have all been through this so feel like a wimp in a sense for being bowled over it, as you all have gone through it
May The Lord give you strength, peace, grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
Be kind and gentle with yourself while you find your new normal. Don't let the struggles of the relationship get any footing in your thinking, it was what it was for many reasons and yet a relationship between you was there and that is what matters.
Great big warm hug!
The funeral home will provide 2 different types of death certificates: short and long. The short one does not list the cause of death. The long one does. You will need at least 1 of each.
My Aunt's cause of death was listed as "natural causes", even though she had aFib, then CHF, then a stroke that paralyzed her on the right side. Then she was in hospice 3 days and passed. Personally, I would not worry about what her cause of death is listed as. With elders, it could be so many things.
May you receive peace in your heart that she was blessed by your hard work on her behalf. You did your best. Never doubt that for a moment or feel guilty about any actions or decisions you made.
I'm praying for God's peace, comfort and strength to be with you in the days weeks and months ahead.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Take comfort that for her sake, your Mom had a relatively quick passing .
It was her time . Even if you don’t know why or the cause .
Little frustrated as I asked the medical people the cause. All they say is old age. I get that, but still there must have been some mechanism, though maybe it doesnt matter
Again, many thanks to everyone here for the support.
I just went through in-home hospice for my Aunt. We still had to continue our family caregiving, and the hospice volunteer sat in the room watching her closely to alert us to any changes. On hospice she got oxygen, morphine (and I think also continued the Ativan). I'm not sure which meds hospice will continue (like her thyroid ones, etc). This is question for the hospice assessor.
If your Mom stays in the hospital they will continuously come in to take her temp, BP, oxygen level, give her IV, etc. Those nurses and staff are not hospice staff. That's why they called you there when they weren't sure.
In-home hospice takes longer to set-up (2 days for my Aunt). In a facility she can go right away.
I wonder what if she moved there and did get better?
Babbling here myself, but I assumed she would have a long slow, years long descent as one week ago she was OK. Not prepared for this sudden turn of events.
And thanks for the wise and comforting words. As I said before, I am jjust hoping she can be well enough to be at a hospice facility for awhile
My dad was in home hospice for a little more than four months. During that period, his nurse said at a few points “he is transitioning to active dying” then the next visit “he is much more stable! Blood pressure is good! Encourage him to eat!” It was an emotional roller coaster and very confusing.
But then after a few falls, he went into hospice facility for what was supposed to be 5 days of respite care. He appeared to rally in the first 24 hours, mostly out of sheer rage. But then he started coughing (choked on his own spit) and developed aspiration pneumonia. The same hospice nurse said based on his vital signs and pupils not constricting with light that he had less than 48 hours. This proved correct. I was extremely grateful that he was in the facility with oxygen and morphine and shifts of people to care for him. And I was grateful that his final 1-2 days were at last a no turning back.
Because he died before the 5 respite days were up, there was no charge for the stay.
best wishes to you.
You were smart to say your good byes , just in case .
We were told Dad has 3 days . He went to in hospital hospice , improved and was kicked out , as it was meant for those imminent. He ended up in a nursing home SNF in rehab then eventually on “ comfort care “ before he died . He was at SNF a total of 2 months . Mom didn’t pay anything out of pocket , Medicare and my Dad’s insurance paid the rest . Dad was lucky his company provided good insurance even after he retired.
My FIL , went on hospice in AL and was gone quick 48 hours later. The staff was shocked how fast he declined .
Right now we don’t understand how my MIL , who is in bad shape, is still walking etc . She’s had more luck than anyone I’ve ever known .
It can be difficult to predict .
Couple other issues. One of the nurses said they often look at the feet, I am guessing that is what Alva refers to as mottling. They say that does not look abnormal.
Oh, and in our state anyway, Medicare does not pay for the hospice house at all. It pays for the hospice care, but not the room and board and while that is expensive I dont care. Though my aunt who died a year ago was at a Catholic owned one which was beautiful, but charge nothing. The family ended up giving a lot of the memorial money to it.
Shes 94, and even though I try to remember that to think shes had a good ride, it doesnt make me feel better. Her brother is 98 and lives at home alone and I was hoping for a couple more years, though as another brother said, we go through this now or go through it later.
When my dad died about six years ago from complications of Alzheimer, we more or less saw it coming a couple years before. But not now with my mom. A week ago today she seemed fine, which is why I often do suspect the changes of her meds at that time though I guess it doesnt matter
The MDs said that very well could have been the case, the change caused an issue, but with younger people that issue may have corrected itself. But not with a 94 yo
.
Since it's only God who knows when He will call your mom home, I will say to just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
Quite honestly, there is no magic here as far as prediction. They do the best they can. They may have seen low pressure, mottling and cooling of extremity and called you in; while you traveled it resolved. This is the way of things. Wish there were a better answer. I think you should take shifts. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to "be there". And people who are actively dying, in all truth--and I say this as a nurse--are busy with dying, and they often separate themselves from those they love.