Celebrity scammers.

She sounds delusional . Try getting her Into counseling or yourself into counseling for support . Then get POA and On her Bank account and Change her phone Number and email address . Make sure she has No social media accounts because this is where they find people and they Know Older woman are Lonely .

This is a very common scam now. There are hotlines at AARP websites in which people will talk with your mom about being bilked in these scams, but this is a huge problem. Once people are "taken" in this way they are almost not able to understand they were so gullible.

I would consider a report to the DA office. You may need temporary conservatorship or guardianship; call APS and say your mom is a victim of a celebrity scam and unable to understand it is a scam, and that you are worried she will lose all her money. They will help you get charge of this, or get her under a court appointed fiduciary for her own protection.

I am so sorry this is happening to her, and to you.

Lonely old women are prime to fall for these scams. Unless you can prove she has dementia there really is nothing you can do.

Move up to the back row seats and stop trying to fix her, her money her life, if she blows it all don't jump in to help.

This is out of your control, such a common scam, I hate to hear this but it happens every day.

I see below that she won't assign a PoA.

You may want to have the conversation with her about what happens to elders who don't assign a PoA themselves: they eventually become a ward of a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian who will absolutely take away her phone completely and stop access to her bank account. So, she can voluntarily assign a trusted family member or do a crap-shoot with social services. Not to mention you won't take her in when she is broke.

This issue may require "someone" in the family to acquire guardianship or conservatorship so she doesn't give away all her funds to scammers.

Alert her bank branch manager that this is happening. They should have a heads up on it.

You can try to schedule the PCP appointment and do not tell anything except you want to take her out on a set date. Go right to the doctors and when you get there, she might say she did not. Just encourage her to go inside to see for herself. She can go as far as the reception desk that will confirm her appointment. While you are both there, ask mom in front of the doctor if you can discuss with him

My mom was scammed in 2015. I filed for guardianship and conservator within 1 month and closed off all financial access.

I finally had to take my late husband's credit and debit cards away from him when he was still at home but living with frontotemporal degeneration. He'd give so much money to political candidates using these cards that we couldn't afford it. I also hsd to add parental controls on our TVs so he wouldn't keep renting pay-per-view movies (sometimes the same movie more than once in a day). Do what you need to do to protect her finances, even if upsets her.

Defeated,
If it's a cell phone, is it possible to hide the chargers for it?

Adding to the other suggestions..
Can you block numbers that are "unknown"?
And can you place a "freeze" on any credit cards she might be using?

I am an RN. You mom has classic symptom of Alzheimer's disease - problems with discernment/judgment and memory. This puts her at high risk of becoming a victim of fraud and scammers. It is up to you to do whatever is needed to protect her. Put blocks on her her phone so only people in her calling list (family and friends) can call her. Also cancel her social media accounts (yes, she will be pissed.). Put child controls onto her computer or change her passwords so she needs you to "help" her log in when you are available to monitor her activity.

She definitely needs an evaluation by her medical doctor and possibly a neurologist. You make the appointment. Explain to the doctor's office that you are concerned that she is not mentally competent. Ask them to NOT allow her to cancel the appointment. You make sure she gets to that appointment and gets her evaluation. WHEN she is declared mentally incompetent, THEN you and your sibling(s) need to discuss next steps in caring for your mom.

Look into going to an eldercare attorney. They will assist you and your mom through making sure POAs, wills, etc are taken care of. If your sibling is local have them go to the appointment as well so the two of you are on the same page.

As someone else suggested, set up her Dr appt, ask them to contact your phone number with any reminders. and just take her.

Falling for scams and minor fender benders were some of the first signs that my MIL was declining.

Defeated: Retain an attorney.

With early dementia,
it is not safe for mom to use her phone and text anymore. Is there any way to disable her device with protests for her identity protections? Remove all devices from her possession. Check with her doctors about her condition and work out something with strong therapy. It sometimes takes Tough Love.

I suggest you file reports with the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center. https://www.ic3.gov/

My father fell for a scam by someone impersonating a Facebook friend. It was someone at the post office that grew suspicious of the mail he was sending out, looked up the address, and showed him that he was sending magazines (with money hidden in the pages) to an abandoned trailer in a trailer park, not a government agency. My father then came clean with me (he lost several thousand dollars) and allowed me to monitor his email, Facebook, access to his bank accounts, phone records, US mail, etc. Twice a day I went into everything to remove all the scams. There were a lot and I could see how overwhelming it could become for an older person.

I hope something brings your mom around and you are able to begin to monitor everything for her.

Very good suggestions here, I agree that an attorney that specializes in elder care and elder family law is a smart move for this matter, and the ones that are more likely than not, to be following it. Supervision, medical decision making, and other details of day to day living are better to be planned ahead for, instead of trying to catch up to them when a need is already presented. Depending on who pays for the service to the cell phone (like a family plan for instance), there are great surveillance applications that can be added to her phone that allows its use to be monitored. Calls, texts, applications, time used and when...you really set the parameters of what you want to keep eyes on. Radlee, Bark and many others designed for parents to monitor their kids online, works both ways.

Mom is only 63? It sounds like early dementia. She will need serious tough love.

This is common with older women these days, I've seen Dr. Phil do shows about it, where these retired, successful women sell their homes and are drained financially by these scammers, faking as celebrities or handsome international businessmen. Telling them anything they want to hear to get their cash! One show had a former Financial Manager, retired with a big pension, and over 2 years gave some scammer $275,000! He daughter caught on, but Mom wouldn't listen. Mom even sold her home to give him more! She was sleeping on a mattress in someone's home after getting conned. The FBI can't get her money back, either! She was given various proof her "fiancee" was a fake, but refused to listen.

Dr Phil kept repeating DO NOT send any person met on the internet MONEY, especially when they HAVE NEVER MET THEM IN PERSON. Don't believe their hard luck stories that always end asking for gift cards or wire transfers.

These cons send fake photos, make dozens of romantic phone calls....yet have 100 excuses why they can never manage to come meet them. They have dramatic stories, need bail money, are sick, or have been embezzled or robbed. It starts at $500 and grows to thousands! They lie about everything in broken English. These women refuse to believe their "fiancee" is in reality a Nigerian teenage boy!

Your Mom loves the thrill, the excitement, the fantasy. Loneliness and dementia take away her reasoning. She's lonely, and loves hearing how much some handsome guy (or "celebrity") loves her, calls her pet names and makes her feel young! She admitted, "I'm just having fun."

Hard to take her phone away at her age. It's her lifeline. I would see an Elder Lawyer to get advice. Mom isn't going to give up her phone games and knows you are watching. She tries to blame you for something instead? Tell her, "Nice try."

Mom is stubborn and not going to cooperate. Don't mention her phone shenanigans, just drop the subject. Instead, help Mom find an Elder lawyer, or Financial Planner to advise her on the sale of her home, "just to be safe." She will have tax implications, capital gains taxes, and more. Hopefully they will suggest needs a POA, Will and other documents. Worth a shot.
Good Luck!!

Dating sites are dangerous too. I took the advice of my physician and joined one of these things. Worst experience ever! Scammers galore. I had one that would message morning, noon, night into well into early morning hours. He followed me to my facebook page. I blocked this person from everything.

This scammer had stolen pictures of a US Army soldier stationed in Africa.

From the looks of these messages, they were written by at least three or four different people. It is mind boggling and the constant lovebombing will mess with your head. Young people get caught off guard as well. It's all designed to throw your limbic system into overdrive.

Best you can do is to take the phone and computer.

Defeated, she’s only 63? That is young & a super scary aspect of this is she statistically is going to live to 80 years AND if she continues doing this, she will drain her bank accounts, sell or transfer her home and who knows what else to support “her” scammers AND she will find herself impoverished & homeless or close too it. Right now, I assume, she doesn’t even have Medicare to count on for health insurance.

One aspect of what she is doing that hasn’t been brought up & that IMHO is very important is that she is doing this by choice. That mom has made decisions and doing actions on her own free will. She has not been robbed, has not been truly hacked, has not acted under duress (kidnapped, gun to your head); she chose to do these things. For law enforcement and financial institutions, it is hard for them to do anything about this because she has a right to spend her $ wrongly. LSS to have any control, there needs to be guardianship done as that legally establishes that she is unable to do decision making regarding finances and well being AND guardian gets control. Whether it’s a family member or court assigned. It is something for you & Sis to think about. A guardianship atty will have costs, that you will pay upfront for their representation BUT once you or Sis are named Guardian, then you can be reimbursed for your costs. A good guardianship atty can guide you on how to get the documentation needed for the court. It may seem expensive but will be less that the $ you’ll end up spending to bail mom out of her house going up for tax sale or to fix a roof from hail damage as she had let her homeowners policy $ go to a scammer instead or pay for her to be in a facility. If mom is 63, you’re what 35-43? Younger? Really you & Sis discuss what to do as y’all do not want this lurking about - both emotionally & financially- for another decade plus.

Time is not on your side because if mom continues on her path, she will sell that house of hers and that $ too will be gone as well. Mom is in a “romance” scam & likely in a “pig butchering” scam as well.

There are things you can do now: 1. file a police report, 2. do an IC.3 filing (as GreyGrannie aptly posted on), 3. do an Identity Theft notice & freeze & pull a credit report with the big 3 credit reporting agencies (eg Experian). Doing 1 & 2 is mucho importante AND you want to keep both a paper copy and cloud storage on these.

Why so important? Well mom is doing this by choice, she is “gifting” to others. Gifting! When she gets to the point that she needs to be in a facility and has no $, what elders in that situation do is file for Long Term Care Medicaid as this program pays for room&board custodial costs. Well LTC Medicaid has a 5 yr lookback; so any $ or assets transferred or gifted places a penalty on their eligibility. That police report & ic.3 can be used to establish the $ loss was due to a crime, so not gifting = no gifting transfer penalty placed. This is also important as what’s especially sticky on this is…… as they are in a facility so are racking up a bill every day; so when gifting surfaces and penalty placed as they have no $, the facility will try to go after you & Sis to pay plus they will find a way to get her removed. 4 mos Assisted Living = 20K-30K, 4 mos Nursing Home = 28K-60K. Horrors!

Please pls realize that mom is on a list that’s circulating. Nigeria & Ghana for romance; India and Russian expats for crypto + romance. If she has given them personal information, they may have info on you & Sis as well. Yeah Horrors 2.0!

if you want to read more on “scams”, go to the r/scam group on Reddit. It’s astounding & heartbreaking. Lots of folks posting who have been in your situation that are helpful. Especially on the “recovery” scammers that seek out concerned family like you and Sissy.

If I were in this situation and my parent was in danger of wasting all her money to scammers, I would contact her bank and let them know, then I would consider calling her cc company and reporting fraud on her card. Or, if she didn't have a cc portal, I would set one up for her then put a freeze on her credit. But I would get the trainwreck under control because it's going to land in your lap eventually anyway. Be preemptive.

Honestly, AGE doesn't even enter into this when someone has bought into the scam.

(Although at 63--that's terrifying that your mom is happily going down the drain with scammers!)

I had a friend who got caught in a 'Nigerian Scam"--she was 47 at the time. Met him through FB and began an intense 'relationship' with him. She actually flew to Cyprus several times to 'try' to get him out of there and back to Nigeria.

It was horrifying to watch her lose all sense of self as she spent thousands and thousands of $$ 'helping' her boyfriend.

She was so taken in by him--and she wanted to be in love so badly she simply couldn't see that he was involving her in a scam of epic proportions.

Finally, she 'married' him (I don't care what you post on FB, doesn't mean the marriage was legit or anything but a further hoax on her.) In all of the pictures of him, he carefully has turned his head so he doesn't really show up in the pics.

He still lives in Cyprus, and she lives here and sends him money every month. She's lost her home, and lives with her mom now.

This has been going on for close to 10 years...she's not stupid, but so incredibly gullible. And she's now just in her 50's. has lost everything, yet maintains she will be bringing him 'home' as soon as they can iron out his visa....

She was warned, by anybody and everybody who knew her that this was a scam. She simply ignored all of us and cut us off as friends if we said anything against him.

The kicker in this is that he is only 28. She's now about 56. She asked me once how 'stupid' would everyone feel when she walked into church with this guy on her arm. I told her "People are going to think you adopted him."

She cannot see that there is actually NO ONE PERSON behind this--the 'man' she thinks she's married to doesn't exist.

I'd be sick with worry of this were my mother doing this--or anyone I cared about. Your mom sounds like she needs to be watched 24/7. You may have to have her declared incompetent and take over her finances. How sad-at such a young age to be caught in something so insidious and bad.

You're right to worry--I watched my friend completely bottom out...all the while maintaining she was doing the right thing. Scammers get so good at what they do---and shame on them! (Like they care, they don't).

I hope you can protect your mom.

Does your Mom work? Does your Mom volunteer locally? Does your Mom have a local social group e.g. church, senior center, etc.

Its possible that your Mom is lonely and desires companionship.

Maybe you should rent out her home (or sell) and for her to go to assisted living, before she gets worse. At least at assisted living, she may develop friends or hobbies that do not suck money out of her.

Good luck!

Very, very difficult situation that I have been faced with many, many times. As one health professional told me “Wouldn’t you prefer to think yourself in an exciting relationship than an old, confused, lonely person that is losing it?” I know with my loved one’s they fought to deny, hide being scammed, perhaps feeling embarrassed, fearing censure, fear of money/independence being taken away plus having been socialized in a more honest trusting time. In addition to the situation you’re describing dealt with fake romances and a lot of charity and insurance scams. Such things are very hard to trace, prosecute especially if perpetrators are from overseas.

I'm going through the same thing with my brother,my brother is not allowed to drive, have a weapon or to be left alone.if your mom is not living with you, she needs to.unfortunitly for us ,we sometimes have to be the"bad" guys.if you don't intervene completely, including taking over her finances, they will grift her until she has nothing.I have to watch everything when it comes to my brother,I do it gladly because it's a privilege to care for him.he will never see the inside of a nursing home.just imagine that you were your mom dealing with this,how would you want some one to help and protect you, and allowing you to live with dignity.think about it carefully,you will find a solution to your issue,I have a feeling that you already know what you need to do, don't be afraid of loving your mom enough to protect her and your sanity..God luck...Don