I have an issue that keeps going on for years. Father is 75 years old and got retired 4 years ago. Along his road he owned a business and was rich. Problem is he used to give money to charity, family or to anyone that would ask him for a favor. At this point my mom who is 74 too and who doesnt work , really make me sad. About 28 years of marriage and never he will bring her to a trip , to a restaurant or anything , she just cook and take care of him but nothing in return . As their children , he paid my school but i still get sick about all the money he gave to others instead of taking care of us ; and now its worse , he got problems and his business got the end and he had to sell it , instead of buying an aparement in sake of security , he still give money time to time and explain this by the fact he doesnt have enough money to buy a house anymore . I am really sad and upset , i feel all along this year we never enjoyed anything , i wish he could change and that we live happy moments but i doesnt . I still have though time because i gratuated but my degree doesnt give me the chance to make a lot of money and i want my mom to be satisfied for once .... How can i make him stop all this or just admit that he hurt us ? thank you
Move out on your own, make your own way in life and spend your money your way.
Not sure what sort of degree you completed, but your grammar is more indicative of a troll than a university graduate. That is why some responders are calling BS, and I tend to agree.
Im 24 btw
My significant other's grown children thought he was their personal ATM machine and they never learned to manage money themselves... now it is coming back to bite them because their Dad finally had a light bulb moment and turned off that personal ATM machine... now they don't care much for their Dad. See, it was all about money :(
By the way, at 74 years old, buying and maintaining a house is a lot of work for someone that age. He would be better being in an apartment.
@ blannieyes Yes my father is the oldest one ., which explain a lot , he always took care of all his family and more, i think its a great thing until this years where we struggling and they still suck him to death , he had problems no one even called , i just hate that , they disapear and come back only to ask money , its not help its pure benefit ...
(I never assumed that she is a spoiled brat.)
My point is: don't assume that an adult child who is upset about not getting certain kinds of support is necessarily a spoiled brat.
From what I can tell, the whole idea that once a child turns 18 and/or finishes university the parents are justified in withdrawing all forms of financial or practical support is generally associated with Anglo-American cultures. I've known people from other cultures whose minds are blown by that concept. Personally I think it is needlessly harsh, can come back to bite parents, and is out of touch with today's economic realities.
I really can understand that that would bother you a lot. And you are young enough to have not resolved your feelings about family relationships. Here's the deal, though: Your father's money, your father's decisions. Actually, I would say "your parents' money, your parents' decisions." I personally would not live in a marriage without equal say about spending -- but that was your mother's choice to make. She apparently was OK about how things were in her marriage. The real point is, how your parents' money was/is spent is Not Your Business.
Other people got more of your father's money (and therefore his attention) than his immediate family did. Did a lot of that money go to male friends and family members instead of Mom and you? In any case, you look at this situation and think "Not Fair!!!"
You may be right. Life is not fair. It is not fair that my intelligent, kind, generous husband spent the last 10 years of his life with a malfunctioning brain. It isn't fair that my sweet mother will never stand up again on her own. It isn't fair that my younger brother has been in pain from an accident 12 years ago and then also deals with cancer. Every one of us on the board could give you lots and lots of examples of how Life is Not Fair.
You are facing your own example right now. You'd like to make it a little more fair. That is not in your power. Best you accept your own situation and make it the best it can be. Your mother has made her own choices. They were not yours to make.
I urge to get some counselling -- not to find out how to change your parents, but to find peace in accepting what you cannot change.
Not your circus. Not your monkey. :D
Does he expect you to take care of him in old age? Did he take care of his parents? Is that a part of your concern? I agree that at this age, the chances that he will change are small. You don't say how old you are, but if you have one degree, you should be old enough to make your own way in life. Like FreqFlyer says, learn from your dad's example. Start saving for retirement early. Be generous with charity, but not so generous that it threatens your own future.
Can you take your mom to a restaurant or a trip? If you're an adult, save so that you can be the one to give her that happiness. It doesn't only have to come from your father. You're old enough to make a positive difference in your mom's life, even if your dad won't.
My parents are the savers, to a point of being ridiculous at times.... it stresses me to do their grocery shopping because they will make a comment over something that cost 10 cents more than what some other store was offering.
Sounds like your Dad has been this way for over 30 years, at this point in his life there is no way you can change his ways. Just learn from him what not to do in your financial future.
Second, I can't help getting the impression that you're upset more because your father isn't helping you more (you are an adult, aren't you?) and that your "concern" for your mother is really to support your allged concern for your father's disposition of his funds as he sees fit. Perhaps she's satisfied with her situation. If she is, who are you to complain?
"i still get sick about all the money he gave to others instead of taking care of us". This says it all.
You stated he's given money to charity, "FAMILY", and others. Aren't you family? He paid for your education. What more do you expect or want?
There aren't many posts that provoke my contempt but yours is one. It reeks of selfishness and total lack of concern for your parents. Grow up and take responsibility for your own actions.