Dilemma. How can we trust someone who has a questionable past?
An elderly acquaintance, Anne, has a house guest who is a friend of the family (I'll call him Paul here). While living with Anne (he recently lost his home through divorce) is helping care for her in an unofficial way, she has quite severe arthritis. A friend of Anne's has found out that Paul has emotionally abused another elderly lady (with financial intent) and actually has evidence of this (she has seen a solicitor's letter warning him off). Anne is soon going into the hospital for an operation. Her family will stay with her for a while and then rely on Paul to help care for her. The friend does not know her family who live hundreds of miles away, but feels they should be in the picture as Anne will be especially vulnerable when she comes home, not very mobile and maybe suffer confusion after the anaesthetic. Anne knows of the emotional abuse that happened quite recently but wishes to ignore it. She has told her friend it is her business and her decision. She does not want to disrupt her relationship with Paul as she says he is enabling her to stay in her home. Should her friend tell her family about her concerns or not? She is unable to visit Anne at home herself to keep an eye on things as she is disabled. She feels in a moral dilemma.
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Uh, yes, they should. Then get this elder tested for dementia bc she's not acting in a lucid manner at all.
Who will take care of her after they leave? They can hire someone.
If Anne is fleeced, her heirs would be also.
A true friend would take action in this potentially serious situation.
It seems to me that Anne, this friend, is legally competent, am I correct?
And she is also informed completely by your friend of what she has discovered, with the evidence you mention?
And she still says that she is aware, and that she wishes this houseguest as you call him to care for her?
I honestly cannot see that the question of a "moral dilemma" is pertinent here, as there is nothing your friend can now do to protect your mutual friend, Anne, that I can see.
When we are still competent to make poor decisions then there is no way to stop our making poor decisions that I know of.
If this friend of yours, who is a friend of Anne's also, feels morally obligated to tell the family of this, then I doubt she will have any friendship remaining with Anne. And without any friendship with Anne she will be unable to monitor and visit and keep an eye on things in case APS or other authorities need calling in for a wellness check. As you mention the family is from out of the area and may not, themselves, be checking.
You are right. This is a BIG dilemma. Seems to me, having told Anne she may be in danger, the harder now that she pushes her friend the less access she may have to her. If this man is nefarious he may get her cut out completely.
I wish all good luck. This is a very very tough situation. When we are legally competent under the law we are competent to make poor decisions, and many do. I am so sorry.
The most that can be done is that her family (or better yet, her PoA if she has one) is alerted. A background check could be done (at a fee) and given to the family/PoA. But they may not act, either. Hard evidence is helpful but may not sway her family to act.
If she has a PoA then this person (even if the PoA is not yet activated) should help Anne secure her sensitive personal and financial info, since this task may seem overwhelming to her. Not just because of the new housemate but because it is a smart practice in general.
Even if this person is living in her house rent-free, a written contract/rental agreement should be created. Once his mail starts coming there, it becomes his legal residence and to kick him out will require an eviction process. Contracts for rental/leasing templates can be found online.
If the house guest is an experienced financial predator, he'll know exactly what he is doing and will work quickly to do it. All any of Anne's friends can do is warn her and her family -- then step away. Call local APS if someone sees actual signs of abuse.