Follow
Share

My Mom is 93. I live with her. My brother and his family live down the road. My Mom is upset with me that I am not going to do a lot of decorations this year. She wants her huge Christmas tree up. She thought that she had decorated last year. She has not decorated a Christmas tree in 5 years. I used to love Christmas but she has made it more difficult with what she wants. How do I tell her that I will not be doing all the decorations, the cleaning or the cooking that she is expecting? Christmas was always my favorite holiday but it isn't anymore because I am expected to clean, cook and decorate. Please, someone, tell me what I can say to her to make her understand that I want some joy in this holiday, too.

Tell her the big tree is not possible . Tell her the doctor said you have to take it easy . You may have to keep repeating .

I have two prelit tabletop trees , one 3 foot one in the family room which I put ornaments on , and a two foot prelit in the dining room that I leave bare .

Both were from Amazon , complete with lights on them and burlap around the base . Just plug it in

Order a meal you can reheat , put a movie on .
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

She seems to have short-term memory impairment so anything you tell her will evaporate into the ethos, just in time for you to have to re-convince her the next day.

I agree with others that you don't discuss it with her when she starts haranging you. You do what you feel willing and able to do. You can fend her off by distracting her or changing the subject. Take her for a drive to see the pretty Christmas lights locally. Have her decorate cookies or make chain garland or cut paper snow flakes. I hope you have a peaceful holiday together.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

She will think she decorated it this year as well.
You don't convince her of anything; we never do.
You simply do it as you must do it and that is that.
Where did this new thing come from that we are responsible for our parents happiness and that old age has ANYTHING to do WHATSOEVER with happiness in general. Old age is about loss. It is about memory and trying to be as contented as you are able knowing your life is draining away. This isn't a happy time and I assure you of that as an 82 year old. And you have gone from DD to caregiver. Responsible for EVERYTHING and with no thanks for it.

This is simple. This will be what it must be for YOUR sake. It has nothing to do with her, her choice, her happiness, or really the onus and burden that Holidays and their "happy-all-the-time" burden puts upon half the populace every year.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

You don't need to convince her of anything. She'll know Christmas will be different this year when she sees it with her own eyes. I'd not discuss it with her at all if it were me.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Just buy a table top tree and tell her the decor is up. Then order Christmas dinner from the Grocery to pick up the day before and done and done. ✔️
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to southernwave
Report
ElizabethAR37 7 hours ago
Makes sense to me! My husband (95) and I (soon to be 88) will be doing minimal decorating and cooking this Christmas. Making our adult children responsible for Christmas? Nope! They have their own. Our son has offered to put up our outdoor wreath and a "light show" fixture, which we greatly appreciate. Otherwise, if we can't do it, it isn't getting done.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter