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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My father asked my sister how mom was. She died in June and my father was with her when she passed, I’m shocked he doesnt remember. My sister said she changed the subject, didn’t answer the question but he did not persist.
He hasn’t asked me, but I think I would remind him that she was gone. I don’t think I could lie about it.
My mother went thru this when she was in the later stages of dementia.....insisting on seeing her mother who had died in 1985. Mom had regressed in time back to when she was a young woman, and wanted to go go back home to be with her parents and siblings. This is very common with later stage dementia.
At first, I'd tell her therapeutic fibs that her mother was busy, or the phone was out of order. I didn't want her upset, repeatedly, about her mother's passing. Then one day I told her grandma was in Florida because it was too cold for her in Colo. Mom squinted her eyes and said, "YOU'RE FULL OF SH!T". So I told her grandma died in 1985. She said, "oh okay." And thst was that.
Tell mom the truth or devise therapeutic fibs. She'll keep asking you repeatedly, one way or another anyway.
Have you honestly answered the question at least once? Did it upset her? If she has asked, if the fact that So and So has died then " then you do not want to repeat the news. Particularly if it upset her. You can say... "Aunt Sophie is away right now" "Aunt Sophie is on a little trip" Anything that she will accept. Once you answer the question though redirect her or get her on the topic of what "Aunt Sophie" was like as a young girl, what things did they like to do.
You tell her that they're doing well(fiblet), that they're out of town visiting family/friends(fiblet), that they're at work and should be home soon(fiblet) or that you're not sure how they're doing as you haven't heard from them lately(truth mixed with fiblet).
Randolph61, welcome to the forum. I assume your Mom is believing this relative is still alive? If yes, sometimes we need to use "therapeutic fibs" in a case like this.
I remember back when my Mom (97) was asking to go visit her parents. I quickly had to think of something that Mom would believe, so I said "they are visiting the old country" and Mom smiled and said "that's nice", thus it made her feel happy. Then if Mom asked to see one of her siblings (all had passed), I had to once again think of something related to that sibling.
Some people will say tell them the truth, but I feel that they would grieve all over again, and again. In my opinion, let the rest of their time be as happy as possible.
Hello AlvaDeer, My mom is in stages of Dementia/Alzheimer’s. She is apparently reliving some childhood memories, continuing to ask and expect her mom to come pick her up. This is a daily occurrence, she cries when talking about it not understanding why her mom doesn’t call or come. She asks for her mother’s phone and address.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
He hasn’t asked me, but I think I would remind him that she was gone. I don’t think I could lie about it.
At first, I'd tell her therapeutic fibs that her mother was busy, or the phone was out of order. I didn't want her upset, repeatedly, about her mother's passing. Then one day I told her grandma was in Florida because it was too cold for her in Colo. Mom squinted her eyes and said, "YOU'RE FULL OF SH!T". So I told her grandma died in 1985. She said, "oh okay." And thst was that.
Tell mom the truth or devise therapeutic fibs. She'll keep asking you repeatedly, one way or another anyway.
Good luck to you.
Did it upset her?
If she has asked, if the fact that So and So has died then " then you do not want to repeat the news. Particularly if it upset her.
You can say...
"Aunt Sophie is away right now"
"Aunt Sophie is on a little trip"
Anything that she will accept.
Once you answer the question though redirect her or get her on the topic of what "Aunt Sophie" was like as a young girl, what things did they like to do.
I remember back when my Mom (97) was asking to go visit her parents. I quickly had to think of something that Mom would believe, so I said "they are visiting the old country" and Mom smiled and said "that's nice", thus it made her feel happy. Then if Mom asked to see one of her siblings (all had passed), I had to once again think of something related to that sibling.
Some people will say tell them the truth, but I feel that they would grieve all over again, and again. In my opinion, let the rest of their time be as happy as possible.
My mom is in stages of Dementia/Alzheimer’s. She is apparently reliving some childhood memories, continuing to ask and expect her mom to come pick her up. This is a daily occurrence, she cries when talking about it not understanding why her mom doesn’t call or come. She asks for her mother’s phone and address.