Hi! I’m 33 years old and the only child of my mom.. she is 71.. me and my 2 kids live with her and lately she’s become very mean, picking fights, lashing out and yelling at me, and even threatening to “get rid of” me.. before I was born she was diagnosed with OCD, depression, and anxiety related disorder (verbally and mentally abused as a child and by my father). In the past 3 years, her last 2 siblings have passed (my aunt in 2015 and my uncle this past September) both of which she was really close to.. I noticed that her behavior really changed after my uncle passed, but she has always been mean to me (at least from age 25 to now). She started having falling spells but refused to see a MD (she hasn’t been to the doctor in about 14 years) until finally the neighbor found her down and called paramedics.. in the hospital they treated her for diabetes and hypertension and told her to follow up with a PCP.. the day of her appointment she picked a fight with me and refused to go saying that I want her dead because that’s all the MD is gonna do, kill her.. She thinks that I’m plotting to hurt/kill her.. She’s also started to “hide” the forks in the house and swear she doesn’t know what happened to them (dementia probably). She also gets very offensive and defensive when i talk to her and will poke fun at my weight or even tell me I’m a bad mother (I’m scared to hold a conversation with her so most times I’m just locked in my room or away from home).. She will curse me out and yell at me because I give my son his medicine (he has seizures) saying that the medicine will kill him so I have to hide when doing it.. When I go out with my boyfriend I have to pretend that I’m going to work or she will constantly call me or even wake my son up and call and say he woke up so I have to come back home (he’s 7. My daughter is 14 so she watches him). I need some help with getting a POA (she won’t sign one) I’m not on any of her stuff not even her bank account so if I have to take on all her bills I’m screwed.. and I need to get her to the doctor.. she also still drives (has a note that I have to think about and a mortgage) so I have to figure out how to get her to stop because my son told me she picks up strangers, mainly some young guy that I think she’s taken a liking to. I’m just really exhausted but I know if I leave her, her mental health would really decline plus I really want her to get better... the way she’s going about things is dangerous... crazy part is, she’s nice to everyone but me.
If she is in mental decline ... you won't get a POA if she hasn't already signed one. After a person is declare incompetent, they cannot appoint a POA.
If i were you, I’d contact legal aid to find an attorney who could help you. I don’t think you need to be responsible for all Mom’s bills. They’re her’s not your’s. I would also find myself Section 8 housing and get out of there. Kids are very perceptive. They know what’s going on.
I hope it all all works out for you and your family.
Others have suggested to me when my mom wouldn't go see a doctor, that I take her out on the day of the appointment to a nice meal and ice cream. And then afterwards drive to the doctor's office and say I needed to go in for a few minutes and take her with me, never telling her we would be there to see a doctor. Of course, I never tried it because it wouldn't work for my mom.
I wish you all the best. Hopefully, something will work for your mom and she can get some medication soon. Take care.
Once in there, she can be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist and assessed for dementia as well as mental illness.
If the doctors determine that she is not mentally competent to make her own medical or financial decisions, it would probably be best then to look into seeking guardianship.