My Mother who has dementia/Alzheimer continues to remove clothes from her closet and drawers. She constantly accuses me of taking her clothes and giving them away. One recent day I attempted to hang some of the clothes scattered all over her bed and room back into the closet. She became very angry, belligerent and combative. She began to gather the hangers from me, and I mistakenly tried to grab them back. She became hostile and started hitting me with the hangers. We tussled, and I Iiterally had to stop her by physically holding her down (though she is larger than me). She bit me, scratched me and cursed me in the most vulgar way. I finally just left her in the room and allowed her to calm down. Nearly a week later she has refused to interact with me. She will not do much of anything I ask of her. She will not take a shower or brush her teeth or go to the gym with me or to church, all the things she/we did before this incident. She does reluctantly accept the medication I have to give her three time a day and has reluctantly eaten the meals I make for her daily, though she says she doesn’t trust the food. For a week now all she does is continue to pile up clothes from her closet and basically tear apart her bedroom. I have allowed her to continue to do this without much interruption because otherwise she will become extremely hostile toward me. I don’t know what to do at this point. She doesn’t want to leave the house and barely leaves her bedroom. She will not talk to me and says she doesn’t trust me and wants to move. She tells me to leave all her clothes and hats and other items in her room in the piles she is placing them because she is waiting to move. She has no where to go; I am her sole caregiver for the last five years, though I do have help from an extended family member she actually loves. However, this family member can no longer get her to shower, brush her teeth or even change her clothes. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am afraid my Mother will never come out of this space/mood. Though she is taking medication to calm her and even to help her sleep, these medications are not working. (I am consulting with her doctors and Memory Clinic Nurses). She is up late and waking early, something she never did before two to three weeks ago. My Mother has always been a very late sleeper, waking at noon most days but not so lately. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to get my Mother back on track. I have talked calmly to her, told her how much I love her and how sorry I am for the altercation we had. I have given her so much space to the point that we have gone several days with no conversation no matter how many times I try to initiate one. Other family members and friends she usually love to talk to have been rebuffed by her. She is a recluse in the house, and she behaves and has told me she hates me. Does anyone have any suggestions. I would truly appreciate some advice based on others experiences with their family or friend(s) who suffer with dementia/Alzheimer. Thank You
I respectfully suggest you either read some books or watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so that you can understand what dementia is, how is changes our LOs, that it is incurable and progressive, and also learn strategies for more peaceful and productive interactions with her.
Dementia robs people of their ability to use reason and logic, it robs their memory, it removes their ability to feel empathy for even their closest LOs. They lose their sense of time and place, lose their sense of purpose, who they are, they become paranoid, have elaborate delusions, etc.
I'm glad you're in contact with her primary doctor because maybe she has an untreated UTI, or her meds now need adjusting/changing.
You are doing yeoman's work but I don't think it will be sustainable. Maybe consider transitioning her to a good MC facility where you can still visit her as often as you want and advocate for her, then go home and have your own peace and happiness and life.
I think they may recognize, and hope that you do, that placement for your mother is now a must. She seems to have very severe dementia, that is already requiring medications, and she is fragile, paranoid and frightened.
You Mom now needs the care of several shifts of people with several people on each shift.
I am so sorry, but your caring for her is no longer sustainable or wise imho.