Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Call APS. Tell them all you have told us. Tell them that you must have help in getting diagnosis. Tell them that the state may need to take guardianship for her placement if she will not cooperate.
If you become overwhelmed completely admit yourself to the ER by ambulance. Let them know mother cannot be alone. Any suicidal ideation or desperation will get you a 5150 in which you will receive care, evaluation, respite and medications if required for your own health and safety. At the same time your mother will be taken into the social services system and she may in fact even be in your own hospital getting an evaluation for her own needs. You can, in your own evaluations let it be known you are utterly incapable of dealing with mother, and that it may literally kill you to keep trying.
I am leaving it to you to decide how much of that screnario is drama above and how much is TRUE. You sound desperate and in great need. I may be overworrying this for you; only you can know that. You may now be standing saying "Well, THAT was just a bad weather system that is gone already; I was just venting. I am doing OK".
I am so sorry. We DO see caregivers have mental breaks. You cannot take on 24/7 care of someone who honestly needs two shifts of many workers to give care, without repercussions to yourself. My heart goes out to you.
Call APS today, if you feel desperate, and tell them you are in mental crisis.
First of all you have to change the mindset that you are "all she has". That is how it becomes all too easy to shoulder the weight of doing everything and feeling responsible for everything. There are resources available for elder care - as others have mentioned, that can help you manage her care and you do not have to be "all she has".
To share a horrifying statistic, something like 40% of caregivers pre-decease the person they are providing care for. You have stated that your mental health is already in jeopardy. It is time to involve those other resources to help you manage this. Get APS involved. There are ways to pay for care, to find care, to get her into care that do not involve you doing everything yourself.
I agree with funkygrandma59 to call APS and allow social services to get her appropriate care.
ANother, possibly faster, strategy is to call 911 and tell them she's "not herself" and may have an untreated UTI and refuses to go to the doctor. Do not tell them you think it's because she has dementia because this isn't considered a medical emergency and they probably won't take her.
Once in the ER talk to the discharge planner and make sure to tell them that she is an "unsafe discharge" because your mental health is suffering and you cannot take care of her.
Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss transfering her directly into a facility. Do not believe any promises of help from the hospital: it is a lie they tell in order to get patients out. Refuse to take her home. Make no one else takes her home.
I'm assuming you live with her. If you are not her PoA then you have no power anyway, therefore APS (or the ER) and a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian are the solution and you need to see it as such. Even if she went to her doctor voluntarily and was diagnosed as impaired you still won't be able to get a physically resistant adult into an AL or MC or even hire private caregivers, and then she has to have the funds to cover it. It's expensive.
If you live in her house, you need to know you may need to move out if she goes into a facility. What's allowed can differ by state.
I'm so sorry that you are burning out trying to care for her. Please call APS for your own sanity as well as your Mother's protection.
Call Adult Protective Services in your moms area and report a vulnerable adult who shouldn't be living by themselves, and they will go out and do an assessment on her, and if need be take things from there. And since your mental health is at stake, if it comes down to it, allow the state to take over your moms care, so you can take better care of yourself.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you become overwhelmed completely admit yourself to the ER by ambulance. Let them know mother cannot be alone. Any suicidal ideation or desperation will get you a 5150 in which you will receive care, evaluation, respite and medications if required for your own health and safety. At the same time your mother will be taken into the social services system and she may in fact even be in your own hospital getting an evaluation for her own needs. You can, in your own evaluations let it be known you are utterly incapable of dealing with mother, and that it may literally kill you to keep trying.
I am leaving it to you to decide how much of that screnario is drama above and how much is TRUE. You sound desperate and in great need. I may be overworrying this for you; only you can know that. You may now be standing saying "Well, THAT was just a bad weather system that is gone already; I was just venting. I am doing OK".
I am so sorry. We DO see caregivers have mental breaks. You cannot take on 24/7 care of someone who honestly needs two shifts of many workers to give care, without repercussions to yourself. My heart goes out to you.
Call APS today, if you feel desperate, and tell them you are in mental crisis.
To share a horrifying statistic, something like 40% of caregivers pre-decease the person they are providing care for. You have stated that your mental health is already in jeopardy. It is time to involve those other resources to help you manage this. Get APS involved. There are ways to pay for care, to find care, to get her into care that do not involve you doing everything yourself.
ANother, possibly faster, strategy is to call 911 and tell them she's "not herself" and may have an untreated UTI and refuses to go to the doctor. Do not tell them you think it's because she has dementia because this isn't considered a medical emergency and they probably won't take her.
Once in the ER talk to the discharge planner and make sure to tell them that she is an "unsafe discharge" because your mental health is suffering and you cannot take care of her.
Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss transfering her directly into a facility. Do not believe any promises of help from the hospital: it is a lie they tell in order to get patients out. Refuse to take her home. Make no one else takes her home.
I'm assuming you live with her. If you are not her PoA then you have no power anyway, therefore APS (or the ER) and a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian are the solution and you need to see it as such. Even if she went to her doctor voluntarily and was diagnosed as impaired you still won't be able to get a physically resistant adult into an AL or MC or even hire private caregivers, and then she has to have the funds to cover it. It's expensive.
If you live in her house, you need to know you may need to move out if she goes into a facility. What's allowed can differ by state.
I'm so sorry that you are burning out trying to care for her. Please call APS for your own sanity as well as your Mother's protection.
And since your mental health is at stake, if it comes down to it, allow the state to take over your moms care, so you can take better care of yourself.