My husband has been through both inpatient, outpatient and at home rehabilitation. He was doing great after he had his hip repaired. He has taken a long time to heal. He doesn't seem to want to give the wheelchair up now.
I know he has to be self-motivated and that no one can force him to do anything. I support him in doing his exercises, which he does, sometimes. I think depression may be playing a role. He was active before the fall (he fell out of bed).
I may ask him to speak to his doctor to see if he will adjust his medication. We've had conversations about the subject. We've gone through how he feels about everything, how he's feeling, and consequences of his not continuing to work on his walking skills. I know it's not my job to do it for him.
Anybody face a similar situation?
Great comments and observations here.
I am quite impressed with your level of awareness and care.
You already stated several ideas/thoughts I have.
I wonder how old your husband is.
Consider (with MD / specialists) if there are other reasons he doesn't want to get up - pain ? where ? position sitting ... to a standing position?
Do talk to his MD 'together.' I wouldn't leave it up to him solely to take the lead to call his MD, esp if he is depressed and at times, giving up. He may not have the motivation to call. Plus, you need to know what the MD says.
I wonder if day care would be good for him - to engage with others, something new (if it is), support him to be / feel more motivated.
Has he been in day care ?
Perhaps he just needs more time to adjust.
From what I can tell from your post, you are doing 100% in your considerations and support. I presume that you are taking care of yourself, too (?) it sounds like you know how to set boundaries.
How are you feeling about this situation?
I wonder / intuit that there is more going on with you than you share.
Are you afraid (for him)
Afraid of losing him?
Fear he will be more dependent on you? and you are already tired?
These are questions for you to consider, not necessarily share with us.
Depression is a nasty one - coupled with aging and the brain changing (as MINE is) ... it is a dance I would rather not have a card for ... for those of us who remember the symbolism of a dance card. I don't know if they were real at one point. I think in the 1920s, the women did have dance cards.
Gena / Touch Matters
I think everyone wants to age well! We all want to keep our brain capacity like Betty White. Most may want to make it to 100 if healthy, but when we fall short of being able to stay healthy (for whatever reason) it is depressing. It feels like you are an anchor on your family or a burden.
It can feel like no one values you, your feelings, opinions, or any remaining abilities. People used to value the elders, but now it seems like so many people just think elders are in the way and more trouble than they are worth. It is so sad.
I just wish people would try to value the elderly much more. I think you are very sweet to value your husband and support him. Hopefully, he feels your love.
Given more time, he could gain the confidence to get out of the chair more.
But, if he feels uncomfortable giving up the wheelchair, I wouldn't push him.
Have an honest talk about what you are willing to do (and not do) to accommodate him in a wheelchair bound state.
I found with my brother, after his rehab, that the more I kind of nagged at him the more stubborn he got about NOT doing the balance exercises that had so helped him in rehab. He honestly never did do them and the poor balance returned. He DID however, walk more, and managed to correct for it. I think that with aging and impairment it is all so much to deal with, and there's such a depressing lack of "control" that it becomes all very personal. You have given us an excellent profile rightup and it sounds the two of you are very close. Be honest with him as in "Am I nagging you too much; do I need to step back and let you make your own decisions now?" and see what he says. I think he will be touched that you are even asking that.
Best of luck to you both.
Yes, you are right in understanding that you can't make an uncooperative adult do something they resist. Sounds like you've been an excellent advocate/cheerleader for him. But you need to resist "projecting" how you think he should be living. I also get that his being in a wheelchair going forward will have a big impact on both your lives.
Have you considered a male companion aid for him? Someone to take him places, do things with him? It may be time to start trying other strategies to see if any positive change for him can be made.
Make sure to make yourself a priority and do lots of self-care so that you don't burn out!