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So my moms been in nursing home for 9 years with dementia. She's had a very slow decline in the 10 years. She had 3 utis over the summer back to back. All 3 times she had to go to the hospital. The nursing home didn't notice she had them. I noticed her symptoms were really bad. So each time she'd go in and stay for 7-10 days. She'd come back sleep a few days and bounce right back. So by the 3rd uti and hospitalization she didn't bounce back. She was weaker and also she had a hiatial hernia issue. So basically she ended up having hiatial surgery. Didn't know if she could make it through it. Did fantastic! It was unbelievable. They weren't sure she'd even make it through. So at the hospital they had her up as much as possible. She'd walk with them to the bathroom but she still was weak from the utis but she was doing ok. The hospital said shed be at severe risk for severe degeneration if she didn't get up 3 tines a day. Then they send her back to the nursing home. My mom did some therapy but the incision area would be painful when they used the gait belt on her. It was hard for her due to being tired from surgery also. So they try pt and ot. She was just too tired some days and they had an abdominal binder that I asked if they could use to put around so the gait belt wouldn't dig in. It was plastic the gait belt. So basically over time they decided in December that she's not making progress and they were adamant about stopping therapy. As my mom was healing she'd want to go to the bathroom but they would be so annoyed about bringing her. So they stopped bringing her. So basically since they ended therapy around xmas. She has completely gone downhill. She can't sit up in bed where she could just a month ago. Very weak. Now shes not interested in food either. She has a g tube in for feeding. She had gained some weight but now lost it again. I really feel that stopping therapy was detrimental to her. They basically didn't want to be bothered bringing her to the bathroom and stopped everything. The aides were so mad they had to bring her. She had a commode. It seemed that anything that was work to them they stopped. I dont know what to do. She has a neurologist appt bit not for a while. She's not even going to be able to go. Do you think pt working with her just in bed could help? Or is it a lost cause? 1 of the aides was saying to me she should be having therapy or she'll be balled up in bed with contractures. The place has gone downhill and they don't care. What should I do? Is this it the end for her? I feel it's too late to move her also. Just feel so stuck in all areas of this. My mom was a lively sweet woman amd I just hate this for her. Thanks for reading this far if you did!

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Tigger, your mom, you tell us in another post, is now 90. I am afraid you need now to consult her doctor and speak about palliative care and Hospice. I don't think your mom has the wherewithal at 90 to do much more than she has been attempting to do.
Contracturing is the last stages before death, and I have seen people kept alive too long go back into a fetal position curling in so tight it looks to be returning to the womb. We nurses used gently to call it "going full circle" meaning have had to live SO LONG, that you merely have nothing left in energy to do anything but curl back in as a fetus in the womb.

I am so sorry. Everything was done that could be done. I think that you can speak to the ordering MD about PT to attempt to prevent contracturing, but without the stamina to get up and truly work those muscles again, it WILL eventually happen.

I agree with answer here you already have. There is no reason to put your mom through more torment. She has dementia. She is tired. There is nothing to make time go backwards or to remove her chronic condition. Again, I am so sorry. I think rest and peace is the way she is headed; help her to be comfortable now. She deserves that. She has given it the good fight for a long time.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I agree with funkygrandma59. Find a good, reputable hospice facility and get her assessed. If not that then consider moving her to a better care facility. I'm so sorry for what she's been through. I wish you success in finding a solution and peace in your heart on this journey.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I don't want to come across here crude sounding, but you say that your mom has had dementia now for 9-10 years and has many issues along the way, yet you want to keep her having therapy and wanting her to eat. Can I ask you why?
Hasn't your mom been through enough now? Do you not think that perhaps it's best now to just call in hospice and let your mom go in peace?
Dementia sucks, no ifs ands or buts, but how much longer do you want your mom to have to suffer with this horrific disease? It's already been 10 years.
I'm sure you love your mom and don't want to lose her, but in reality you've already lost her to this horrific disease, which like I said...sucks.
When my late husband who had vascular dementia was completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life and under hospice care, I initially would work his legs for him to try to keep them moving to some degree, but after a while I just let him be, so his final months could be as peaceful as possible.
I wish you well as you take this final journey with your mom.
God bless you.
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Tiggercat90 Jan 29, 2025
The reason is my mom was doing actually pretty well up until recently with surgery and utis. She was independent and doing everything herself. Walking around, eating, dressing herself. She had the decline after all this just in the past few months. So I thought she could get back to her baseline.
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