I am in the UK and we are now being told to stay home but are not on total lockdown yet. I just don't know how I'm going to survive being isolated with my 93 year old mum who lives with me. I've coped with it the past 3 years by going out for a few hours and getting away from her as she has caused me awful depression. But just the thought of having no escape from her and not being able to see friends and my children and grandchildren is just awful. Having my mum live with me has been a huge mistake and has affected my health both mentally and physically and I'm so worried that being with her 24/7 for weeks is going to finish me off!!!! HELP!!! How can I get through this???
I know what you mean, exactly. This is a huge challenge for many us.
But this will be temporary. It won't last forever. It is a limited period of time.
After this nightmare will finish you can change all the rules and reinvent your life again.
I offer what the emergency psychologist told me as a tool of survival for this:
divide work and rest. Have a place, a room, the garden, the attic, whatever you have at your disposal to claim as your own, private, place and follow a schedule. Fom x hour to y hour you will "work" caring for your mom, the rest of the time you will go "back home" in your safe place.
Set Skype for calls with your children and grandchildren and friends.
Call your friends everyday when you are in your safe place.
I will be thinking of you sending you thoughts of resistance.
Please keep in touch here, we will be in touch with you, every day.
This too shall pass.
Are you a member of CarersUK or any online group like that? Are you in touch with your local authority's Adult Social Care team? If not, do those things - support is being set up, there will be lifelines available for people in your situation, so make your presence known!
You are far from alone - a client's wife said to me last week "we're all going to go mental!" Well, yes, the idea of being locked up alone with a demented loved one for two or three months is just not funny. We WILL find ways through, hold on.
I agree with Arwen. This will pass. It’s very difficult at this time. I wish that we could help you more than just offering online support.
Please stay in touch and continue to reach out even if only to speak to others about your concerns.
Take care 💗.
I too, lived with a mother in law who made it very stressful. I'm so sorry. I hear your pain.
This isn't easy. You will have to go to your own room and have time alone from her. I know it's not enough to say don't let it bother you. I understand. Exercise might be good. Prayer. And talking to friends and family. Maybe have your children call to her everyday.
These are difficult times. I hope you can find some separation. I pray you will grow in grace and peace, friend.
You might find an online counselor you could talk to once a week online. My family member just started using an online counselor from BetterHelp.com. Talking to a counselor really helped me when my mother in law moved in. I wish I had gone longer.
Online Counselling UK Success Stories | BetterHelp
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/counseling/online-counselling-uk-success-stories/
Take care and check in here. We care about you. Let us know how you are doing.
gratefultoday
Please do not lose hope. Please let yourself take care of you. You matter.
I truly understand, both my "parents"(?) made Hitler and The Spanish Inquisition look like a walk in the park and caring for them at end of live almost broke me again. Almost, because I hung on to the thought that they done it once they didn't get a second chance.
It is difficult being suddenly confined with people we should and do love but have long term irresolvable issues with. Also tough being with people we're fine with but not used to spending time with on such a basis or being completely isolated with only contact being via technology.
I am disabled and so it's difficult to get "out" in the garden or for the essentials. I do but it adds to the stress.
I have found it an enormous help to have "nature sounds" playing in the background. During parts of the day birdsong and such at night I have thunderstorms and rain. Sounds crazy but it puts me to sleep fast and if I'm woken in the night it helps me go back to sleep (I have a 10hr one I really like).
They are on youtube and free, try having it on low for your mother too it is incredibly relaxing you stop hearing it but the effect remains.
Good luck, thinking of you.
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