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My husband who neglected his health has had hip replacement surgery and I am exhausted. He won't do his walking as directed by doc. His upper body strength is shot and he won't listen to suggestions. He doesn't get to restroom fast enough and is urinating everywhere. I am exhausted and upset by his lack of effort am I selfish?

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Time for Depends. Yes age would help. I have never had a hip replacement but from what I hear the person is up and walking not long after the surgery. I would not help him. He has to do this on his own.

Ask his doctor if you can get in home therapy in.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Knowing all of this about your husband I'm curious as to why you didn't have him go directly to a rehab center after his surgery. They would have worked with him until he was ready to return home.
But that is now water under the dam, so now you must either have PT come to the house to work with him, or take him to PT as directed by his doctor.
And the fact that he doesn't make it to the bathroom is not his fault right now and like already said he should be wearing Depends whether he likes it or not.
And of course you have the option of telling him that if he doesn't start doing what he needs to do that you will have to have him placed in a nursing facility as you just can't take care of him anymore. Perhaps that will light a fire under his butt. And if it doesn't, don't hesitate to have him placed.

I was 58 when I had my hip replaced and it had nothing to do with me neglecting my health, and they had me up walking same day of surgery and home the following morning.
And I had my late husband to have to care for when I got home which is a whole other story for another time.
Please take care of yourself, as you matter too in this equation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Is it possible he has temporary cognitive impairment from the anesthesia?

Or consider if he's on strong prescription pain meds they might be too much for him. I got dilaudid after my total knee replacement and it knocked me on my butt to the point I didn't want to do anything. I took the Tylenol instead and it was perfectly sufficient for the pain. I had a lot more energy and ambition after that.

If it's none of the above and he is cognitively able to do the PT but is choosing not to, then he needs to know that LTC facility possibly awaits those who don't get their mobility back.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Hips often wear out and need replacement, thru no fault of our own. Call the doctor and ask for either physical therapy to come to your home or for dh to be sent to rehab to get in better shape. And get him wearing Depends. Why is he urinating all over the place? He certainly cannot be expected to run to the restroom after a hip replacement, thus the Depends, at least for now.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I’m awaiting hip replacement and I’m in my 50s. I did nothing to cause this.

How long ago was his surgery and do you have in home physical therapy?
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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I haven't neglected my health and have two bad hips, Anna. Just saying.

No one urinates all over the place by choice.
He doesn't get up quickly enough because he can't.

As to walking, it is unknown by me if he isn't walking because he can't, because he chooses not to, or for whatever other reason, but you need now to discuss this with his doctor. Failure to get everything in the best shape he can until he's all "cemented in" and his muscles and tendons in a state to help him stablize could lead to further problems.

You don't mention age here. It IS of course a factor. You don't mention dementia, so I am assuming there is none.
I encourage you and hubby to attend the ortho doc asap. He may need to re-enter or to enter rehab for a bit.
As to a final choice NOT to do something, there is little you can do to change others. Nagging has, as far as I know, never worked; it just sends them more stubborn.
I wish you lots of luck and am sorry for all the frustration.

Hopefully doc will read the riot act and threaten him with w/c. But wondering if he would even mind that.
Do let him know that your own limitations as to helping him are coming to the fore. And his inability to WORK HARD in order to thrive a bit more could land him into care eventually.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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