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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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You really do kneed a two week break from Caregivng with no responsibility just rest, relaxation and lots of sun shine. Why not contact your local Public Health Nurse and request two weeks Restbite Care for your Mom. Seven years Caring for your Mom with out a break is dreadful demanding on you as you risk becoming burnt out.
One thing is certain and that is that you cannot nor should not continue on like this since you're already at your breaking point. Consider facility living for your mom.
After 15 years as primary caregiver in my home to my mom, 5 years of caring for her at her home before moving in with us, I was burned out, no make that fried, fried to a crisp!
I had to stop caregiving in order to keep my sanity. It is emotionally and physically draining to be a full time caregiver.
So if you need to surrender your caregiving and hand it over elsewhere, please do so without guilt. I feel relief after letting go of the heavy burden and responsibilities of caregiving. You will feel the weight of the world being lifted off of your shoulders.
Vent anytime. We are here for you. 💗 Keep us posted on how you are doing.
I am getting really nervous because I know I will be my mom’s caregiver if my dad dies. Mom is 89 and Dad is 92. Dad is still ok. Mom is ok but isn’t that mobile. I am recovering from breast cancer just 8 months in remission and I have severe carpal tunnel from my anti cancer meds. I am 5 ft and 100 pounds and my mom is 217 pounds at 4’11. How am I going to lift her up in the future? I’ll have to have a full time aid? She’s not nursing home material. We wanted to live in Europe in 5 years when my husband retires. I guess she’ll have to go with us. I never thought I’d be so selfish and say my life will be interrupted but she left her mother to travel etc. I’m so scared. Thanks for listening.
Oh you are sooo not alone. Almost everyone who takes in an elderly parent feels your pain.
Who among us hasn't walked away in frustration? Even when we know they are how they are and are not willfully behaving poorly, it is still practically impossible to deal with!
7 years is a long time. You have given a lot of time to your mom and I'm sure it's appreciated. Or would be if she did not have dementia. You can be proud and feel good that you have done so much for so long.
Maybe put mom somewhere for 2 weeks so you can have a real break and recharge that battery.
I had to leave the house yesterday because my hubby was on an angry streak over a damaged part that was delivered to the house. He can't reason about it and while I was trying to talk to the company on the phone about the damage, he was yelling at the poor girl on the phone. It wasn't her fault, it was the shipper's fault. It got so bad I pushed him out of the room and shut the door. I had to leave. Thank God I have a daughter that I can vent to. She reminded me that he is stuck in a rut and can't get out. I am grateful that at this time, he can stay alone for awhile. I know the day will come that he won't be able to.
But more than that. You are ahead of the curve in realising that your mother is not to blame for her exasperating behaviour, and for wisely using stress reduction methods to cope with it, and for recognising that you need respite (I only wish there were a realistic prospect of that at the moment).
What sadly often happens, and I was guilty too so please don't think I'm blaming any caregivers for this, is that the cared-for person becomes the villain of the piece - she is stubborn, she is winding you up, she is doing this on purpose. Of course she isn't! - but my goodness it feels it like sometimes.
Oh my, you poor thing! Seven years!? I’ve only been caring for my mom for a month and I’m ready to leave the planet! I should be the one feeling like a cow! I definitely feel like I’m not living out my Christian beliefs! I love my mother dearly but her constant need is going to kill my 86 yo dad and I soon if we don’t get some help. Mom and dad didn’t plan for the future so it’s me, an only child and my dad caring for her. Believe me I feel like a failure as a daughter bc I think she should be in a nursing home. (Which we are working on.) This is hard stuff especially when the patient is agitated, sleeps little and is constantly calling us for assistance all hours of the day and night. I’m watching my mom dying and my sweet, cheerful, full of life dad aging rapidly before my eyes. I also have a disabled husband that thankfully is able to fend for himself for the most part at home. This hasn’t been easy on our marriage either. For your own sanity get help or put her in a home. If money is an issue, I feel your pain. There are ways to get her in somewhere. Contact a social worker or case manager at your local hospital or clinic. They can help you find care and ways to pay for it. My prayers are going up before God’s throne of grace for you dear sister. Blessings, love and hugs. 🙏❤️🤗
I experienced “tipping points” with two very dearly loved family members who, at different times, needed residential care because DH and I could no longer provide the degree of care they needed.
In both situations the issue of “fall risk” had become one of 24 hour vigilance. In one I was sleeping on the floor beside LO’s bed because of her inability to understand “risk”.
After 7 years, I’m totally shocked that you have more than a tiny pinch of patience left to use. Time to take a step toward developing a management plan that will have more balance.
Right now you are giving your whole self to mom’s care, and she is unable to contribute effort toward her own care OR comprehend her need to accept what you are offering. SO—- you MUST research how you can adjust the balance.
Hired caregivers? Placement in residential care? BOTH reasonable and viable alternatives to earning back some time for yourself.
Go online and do a search for local caregiver agencies. Choose five.
Then do a second search for Assisted Living facilities. Choose five.
Now call and inquire about rates at each.
Don’t do your calls all at once. Do one or two a day. When you’ve got the info about rates, redo your calls and inquire about caregiver availability, skills, etc.
Do that for facilities. Services offered? Number of residents? Resident/staff ratio?
Choose 3 residences and visit them, when the pandemic has eased a bit.
All of these steps towards BALANCE.
Once the first step is taken, you will begin to feel a little better. Having done MORE research, you’ll begin to have a clearer perspective on what’s best for BOTH you, AND your mom.
I suggest you do what Ann suggested EVEN IF you have no intention of placing her. 1. It will let you know that there are options. 2. If something should happen to your ability to be a care giver, this part has been done. Hugs
You are not alone. And you are not a supreme cow. Her living with you is breaking you down. It happens even when they don't live with us as we're always taking care of something for them.
Is there any way she can afford to move to Assisted Living/Dementia care? or is this not something you would consider? Or a live in caregiver?
Some here with one or more parents living with them will have more ideas for caregiving at home, but you need to make changes soon.
Ugh! My exact feelings today. She watches news 24/7 but can’t understand why she can’t go to the store. Can’t get her to use the air conditioning. She’s wearing two sweatshirts, won’t drink enough water, and the room temp is a humid 78 or higher. Won’t turn fan on. Her agency driver couldn’t dissuade her from going to the store last week but mom was sneaky and got the driver to take her back to moms house ( she just moved in with us very recently) and brought back three blankets and a shoebox full of batteries. She certainly didn’t need any of them but she isn’t reasonable and can’t be reasoned with!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
After 15 years as primary caregiver in my home to my mom, 5 years of caring for her at her home before moving in with us, I was burned out, no make that fried, fried to a crisp!
I had to stop caregiving in order to keep my sanity. It is emotionally and physically draining to be a full time caregiver.
So if you need to surrender your caregiving and hand it over elsewhere, please do so without guilt. I feel relief after letting go of the heavy burden and responsibilities of caregiving. You will feel the weight of the world being lifted off of your shoulders.
Vent anytime. We are here for you. 💗 Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Oh you are sooo not alone. Almost everyone who takes in an elderly parent feels your pain.
Who among us hasn't walked away in frustration? Even when we know they are how they are and are not willfully behaving poorly, it is still practically impossible to deal with!
7 years is a long time. You have given a lot of time to your mom and I'm sure it's appreciated. Or would be if she did not have dementia. You can be proud and feel good that you have done so much for so long.
Maybe put mom somewhere for 2 weeks so you can have a real break and recharge that battery.
I had to leave the house yesterday because my hubby was on an angry streak over a damaged part that was delivered to the house. He can't reason about it and while I was trying to talk to the company on the phone about the damage, he was yelling at the poor girl on the phone. It wasn't her fault, it was the shipper's fault. It got so bad I pushed him out of the room and shut the door. I had to leave. Thank God I have a daughter that I can vent to. She reminded me that he is stuck in a rut and can't get out. I am grateful that at this time, he can stay alone for awhile. I know the day will come that he won't be able to.
But more than that. You are ahead of the curve in realising that your mother is not to blame for her exasperating behaviour, and for wisely using stress reduction methods to cope with it, and for recognising that you need respite (I only wish there were a realistic prospect of that at the moment).
What sadly often happens, and I was guilty too so please don't think I'm blaming any caregivers for this, is that the cared-for person becomes the villain of the piece - she is stubborn, she is winding you up, she is doing this on purpose. Of course she isn't! - but my goodness it feels it like sometimes.
What do you have in the way of support?
For your own sanity get help or put her in a home. If money is an issue, I feel your pain. There are ways to get her in somewhere. Contact a social worker or case manager at your local hospital or clinic. They can help you find care and ways to pay for it.
My prayers are going up before God’s throne of grace for you dear sister. Blessings, love and hugs. 🙏❤️🤗
In both situations the issue of “fall risk” had become one of 24 hour vigilance. In one I was sleeping on the floor beside LO’s bed because of her inability to understand “risk”.
After 7 years, I’m totally shocked that you have more than a tiny pinch of patience left to use. Time to take a step toward developing a management plan that will have more balance.
Right now you are giving your whole self to mom’s care, and she is unable to contribute effort toward her own care OR comprehend her need to accept what you are offering. SO—- you MUST research how you can adjust the balance.
Hired caregivers? Placement in residential care? BOTH reasonable and viable alternatives to earning back some time for yourself.
Go online and do a search for local caregiver agencies. Choose five.
Then do a second search for Assisted Living facilities. Choose five.
Now call and inquire about rates at each.
Don’t do your calls all at once. Do one or two a day. When you’ve got the info about rates, redo your calls and inquire about caregiver availability, skills, etc.
Do that for facilities. Services offered? Number of residents? Resident/staff ratio?
Choose 3 residences and visit them, when the pandemic has eased a bit.
All of these steps towards BALANCE.
Once the first step is taken, you will begin to feel a little better. Having done MORE research, you’ll begin to have a clearer perspective on what’s best for BOTH you, AND your mom.
1. It will let you know that there are options.
2. If something should happen to your ability to be a care giver, this part has been done.
Hugs
Is there any way she can afford to move to Assisted Living/Dementia care? or is this not something you would consider? Or a live in caregiver?
Some here with one or more parents living with them will have more ideas for caregiving at home, but you need to make changes soon.