Tried breathing and don't work because she is out of breath because of her heart. and music is out cause she cant play a cd player. can't work one. I wish there was an easy player for her ... she cant use cell phone/same reason. new things, not going to work.
please ideas anyone on how I get music to relax her. radio has commercials... nerves agin. any real simple, cd players out there? or I tell her to close her eyes and think of the ocean. unless I am there she doesn't remember. any other iideas ...
also food. she drinks ensure chocolate but wont eat foods I send and put in freezer. forgets to defrost. then its hard to put to a plate, etc. bring in meals so unhealthy. someone said finger foods, but what? thanks to u all.
You can get the vinyl records off the Internet or if you live close to a Goodwill, they will sell these records pretty cheap. I was surprised when I saw these records while visiting our local Goodwill.... it was like going back into time :)
Not knowing the age of your Mom, if she is over 65 she might enjoy Perry Como or Andy Williams.
This must be so very heartbreaking for you. I'm sorry that your sister can't stand up to mom when the hospital says "she can't be alone". That's the point where your sister is going to have to say " mom, would you rather go to x or y nursing home, because otherwise they are going to put me in jail for neglecting you". No, they probably wouldn't , but I think sometimes you need to do some therapeutic fibbing to get an elder what is safe.
Here is what you can do: Not much.
Sorry. This reminds me of the person from a social services agency who was on here a few years back and said she had a drawer full of files marked WFC -- Waiting for Crisis. Sometimes you can't act until the person actually does hurt herself or some other crisis brings matters to a head.
If she is not obviously impaired enough for APS to consider her a "vulnerable adult" and she will not accept medical help, I guess you'll have to step back and label this WFC. Very sad, but we value freedom and independence extremely highly and we rightly make it difficult for one adult to have control over another. Very understandable and necessary, but it sure makes helping impaired-but-still-competent elders difficult!
On the calming her down question, have you tired leaving music on all day, so she doesn't have to change it or turn it off, etc., as some posters suggest? She has a medical problem and she needs medical treatment for her "nerves," but I don't blame you for trying some home-grown methods.
How about a "fidget apron" with zippers and buttons and pockets to keep the hands busy? Some people find that kind of activity calming. You can find these online.
What about something cuddly? A very soft plush animal to hug and rub is soothing to some people (like me!)
Let us know if you find something that helps. We learn from each other.
If you can get her to go, take your mother to a "special doctor who can help with your nerves" -- a geriatric psychiatrist. Leave your sister out of the discussion.
If your mother doesn't have the money to private pay, then that's what they invented Medicaid for. You don't pay with your money.
Seriously, I went through all this with my mother. She was on 7 kinds of meds for her "nerves". Her "nerves" problem was really chronic anxiety plus bi-polar and also dementia. Mom was eating rotten food, taking pills whenever or not at all, not bathing, not washing dishes or clothes, etc. The smell in her house was something I can't describe.
There came a day when what "momma wanted" wasn't what would keep momma safe, clean, fed, and healthy. She could no longer think or make good decisions, so I had to take over.
No, she didn't want me to. Yes, she threw tantrums and acted like a bratty child, but it did not matter. Her sisters ignored what was going on and were the opposite of helpful.
I personally didn't want Adult Protection coming after me for elder abuse and neglect, so I did everything possible to keep that from happening.
My mom wouldn't allow help in her house either, but you know what? IT DID NOT MATTER. I moved this woman to be near me and she has progressed from being in a monitored apartment to the nursing care wing and is now in the dementia unit in hospice care. Left on her own, she would have probably died long ago.
Again - what's worse - momma's fits or momma falling and dying alone in her house because nobody was brave enough to do the right thing?
You and your sister can make changes happen. You have to want to first and get over momma being mad at you. That will all pass, I promise. There's much worse things in this world than momma being mad because you're taking care of her needs.
Not taking her meds. Hospitalized 3 times for not taking. doesn't want to take it. forgets. I don't know anymore. so stressed im going nuts myself. don't know if it's dementia or what? Yeah, they know she wont allow help in. She sent a great nurse away. Tells others not to come in. Don't answer the phone. Says they make her nervous calling and coming at all different hours. I don't know.
no diagnosis that she is "impaired" and so its her right. that's why Im sick ot it, not or her.
You might think about calling APS. Your sister sounds like she perpetuating neglect. You are soing all that you can, but with dementia, there's just so much you can do.
When she falls and ends up in the hospital, make sure that discharge planners know she lives alone and won't allow help in.
ok: am doing yogurt and bananas .. thx. and cottage cheese. salt is out, so no tuna. going to talk to hubby and see if enug money to send someone more often. problem is that if Medicaid knows it, she losees Medicaid if family helps.
If she can open ensure, how about yogurt? Bananas? Tuna pouches - just need a scissor. Really you might get better input if you described the living arrangements, etc.
No amount of music, breathing etc., calmed my mom. Antidepressants and antianxiety medication did. Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist for evaluation.