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Please consider resigning your PoA. Unfortunately it is more than you can handle and isn't helping your Father -- or you -- at all. Don't let this impact your mental health!
How do you know he's yelling and swearing about you to your father? Are you there when he does it? If you're not, who tells you he's yelling and swearing about you to your father?
You need to have a talk with your brother. Tell him to grow a set and keep his man in line. Especially in front of your father or any other family member. He should NEVER tolerate this behavior for one second.
If your brother has no problem with the behavior, you're the one with your father's POA not him. So you can make a decision that the boyfriend is not allowed to see your father or have any other form of contact with him. Or you can move your father out of your brother's care.
It would make more sense for your brother to be your father's POA since he is his caregiver and they live together. So resign your POA. Keep APS in the loop though and ask the police to do regular wellness checks on your father. They will.
You have decisions to make. Would your father be better off not at home with them? How would you take care of him if you moved him? Things to think about.
It seems you have been having problems since 2020 with this boyfriend. Your first post is from 2018. Earlier this month you posted a similar question. I don't think after 4 years you are going to be able to do anything about this boyfriend. He seems to think he has all the control. I am with Geaton here, resign your POA. If Dad is competent he can assign brother. Looks like Dad is not going to kick out boyfriend and brother isn't either. I would jot put myself thru this. Think you have done enough, let brother do the caring since he lives there. If then you do not feel he is taking good care of Dad, call APS.
Thanks go out to Jo Ann for something she almost always does--research!!! sbopie, it seems, as Jo Ann says, that this isn't new. It would be my guess that the police have already been called to intervene in this domestic family abuse more than once. Sadly they often lose their lives in responding to domestic abuse calls. What an absolute waste.
My advice would be to move about 1,000 miles away from brother and his boyfriend and your Dad. Your Dad lives with the two of them by his choice. It seems most agitation occurs when you are visiting. When verbal altercations start I would leave. I would also be very certain I am not contributing to this dangerous chaos in any way.
Visit very seldom. Take a lovely casserole. Or even a bag of groceries topped with a box of donuts. Stay a short time. Leave. That would be my best advice.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/does-anyone-know-what-to-do-about-an-elderly-father-489960.htm
Please consider resigning your PoA. Unfortunately it is more than you can handle and isn't helping your Father -- or you -- at all. Don't let this impact your mental health!
If they do you should walk way, if it' happens again, keep them out of your life.
If your bf doesn't stick up for you, walk away from him too.
I'm sorry if I'm blunt , but this is unacceptable, even if by chance you did something to cause its never acceptablr
You need to have a talk with your brother. Tell him to grow a set and keep his man in line. Especially in front of your father or any other family member. He should NEVER tolerate this behavior for one second.
If your brother has no problem with the behavior, you're the one with your father's POA not him. So you can make a decision that the boyfriend is not allowed to see your father or have any other form of contact with him. Or you can move your father out of your brother's care.
It would make more sense for your brother to be your father's POA since he is his caregiver and they live together. So resign your POA. Keep APS in the loop though and ask the police to do regular wellness checks on your father. They will.
You have decisions to make. Would your father be better off not at home with them? How would you take care of him if you moved him? Things to think about.
It seems you have been having problems since 2020 with this boyfriend. Your first post is from 2018. Earlier this month you posted a similar question. I don't think after 4 years you are going to be able to do anything about this boyfriend. He seems to think he has all the control. I am with Geaton here, resign your POA. If Dad is competent he can assign brother. Looks like Dad is not going to kick out boyfriend and brother isn't either. I would jot put myself thru this. Think you have done enough, let brother do the caring since he lives there. If then you do not feel he is taking good care of Dad, call APS.
sbopie, it seems, as Jo Ann says, that this isn't new. It would be my guess that the police have already been called to intervene in this domestic family abuse more than once. Sadly they often lose their lives in responding to domestic abuse calls. What an absolute waste.
My advice would be to move about 1,000 miles away from brother and his boyfriend and your Dad. Your Dad lives with the two of them by his choice. It seems most agitation occurs when you are visiting. When verbal altercations start I would leave. I would also be very certain I am not contributing to this dangerous chaos in any way.
Visit very seldom. Take a lovely casserole. Or even a bag of groceries topped with a box of donuts. Stay a short time. Leave. That would be my best advice.