I guess I can ask the care home where she is living what their recommendation is. Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter?
I'm very torn as my mother's admission approaches. We had applied to one place and were approved there back in January, but there has not been an opening there. It was our first choice because we knew friends and other families who had had excellent experiences with this place called The Woodside. However, my dad, brother, and I just couldn't wait any longer and found a new place called Grace Manor that was recommended to us by a friend. My mom is seeing her GP today as part of the admission process. We trust the friend who recommended Grace Manor.
The process has moved so quickly, and as I already said, I'm very torn. While I know it's the best move for all of us, I can't imagine our family home without her in it. I can't imagine not seeing her when I get home from work. I know I can visit and I know we can take her to church, bring her home for holiday dinners, etc., but it's still very upsetting to me.
Any thoughts from those who have time would be greatly appreciated.
Realize you are grieving a huge loss and let yourself fully feel it.
Give yourself a lot of self-compassion, self-understanding, self-love.
If I were you, I would 'hold' two (or more) truths concurrently:
* Feeling sad, grief of the change. A huge loss.
* Knowing / feeling reassurance that mother is getting 100% the best care possible.
In other words, honor all your feelings.
Give yourself time to adjust - if it might help you, plan your 'getting home from work' ahead of time ... so you have a plan in place. It might help you feel more grounded. It might 'just' be a time to sit and meditate, being quiet.
Here's a hug,
Gena / Touch Matters
If this is a move to Assisted Living, and not memory care or a nursing home, then I think it may be best to visit daily for a while. That way she can feel supported while investigating the activities and meeting others at the dining table.
My Mom had me eat at least one or two meals with her when she first moved to AL. They added my meals to her monthly bill.
To me, her move to AL was similar to the day I was dropped off at my college dorm ages ago. I knew no one, had to get used to the new people and a totally new experience. It was overwhelming for the first month or so.
Luckily my Mom had friends who visited at least weekly.
If your Mom is going to AL unwillingly, then I am afraid I have no words of wisdom.
It may need to be longer, but for your own settling in as well as her's - give her a couple of weeks to get used to the schedule, start to learn to depend on other people for her requests rather than you, etc.
I know this is not your question, but from reading your profile and your comments, you are a working adult who has been living with your siblings and parents in your family home since 2020 in part to help care for your mother. I suggest you strongly consider moving out, either to your own place or with friends/roommates, so this becomes an opportunity to look ahead with anticipation, rather than looking back and dwelling on the sadness.
You'll adjust, and so will your mom. Give it a bit of time. Let us know how it goes.
I visited my mother in Memory Care all along. I never agreed to stay away for weeks to allow her to adjust or whatever. I helped her every step of the way so she knew I didn't abandon her. Do as YOU SEE fit and how you think mom would most benefit. There is no one size fits all approach to this, imo.
Best of luck.
I did follow their lead and it worked out well for both me and the OP.
Are you perfectly certain that ALF is the correct level of placement of mother?
Might memory care be a BETTER placement?
Has the facility met your mother and assessed her, and are they already talking about what level of care she will require?
Just some thoughts from how you present this.
If your mother is overall mentally quite capable, then discussion will have occurred re this move. I see no problem with not making visits as frequent as you choose to make them. As she adjusts, gets friends, goes on outings you may soon enough hear, as I did from my bro "Not on Tuesday; we are going to the movies that day". "Not on Thursday; we are going to the mall for coffee". "Come in the afternoon; morning is our cottage meeting".
Good luck.