I have DPO & am also trustee of his trust. Since we know he cannot live on his own any longer, we are selling his home to care for him in the future. He is constently asking me to let him go home and he can do it himself. I continually repeat to him that we are following the advice of the doctors and they don't feel that is an option. After speaking with the doctors and psychiatrist they have recommended we do not tell him that we are selling his home. I personally am really struggling with this decision but also realize telling him could start his rage issues again.
Any advice will be welcome.
TYIA!
Do NOT tell him you are selling his house. He will not understand why. Also, he maybe better off in Memory care especially if he has rage issues. ALs are really not equipped to handle this type of resident.
See what I'm doing?
This is what you do until he stops asking, and he WILL stop asking.
He can't remember anyways, so why start the rage issues again?
Being the adult authority for a parent is a mental struggle for certain. You need to deal with the business side of things with zero emotion and submission to the fact that this is the person that raised you. It really helps to do what is needed when you do this. It removes the idea that you have to be accountable to him for your actions.
I always approached the very difficult, I should tell him, he needs to know...with the mentality that I was appointed to do what was in his best interest with all the known facts, not to help him understand or carry him through it. Weighing the pros and cons of the action allowed me to make decisions that I never wanted to have to make. What was the best course of action for my dads well-being now and down the road was always the deciding factor.
I hope you can find a way to do this and not feel bad about not including him in anyway. He trusted you to do right by him when he assigned you the authority. So his demented mind might not agree but, his sound mind knew you would take care of him.
Plan visits around the facility/mc activities. Introduce yourself and your father around his peer group. Redirect conversations increasingly toward his new neighbors in his new life.