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He’s not incontinent just feels he needs to pee and/or hasn’t wiped enough. Using 1-2 rolls of toilet paper everyday. I try telling him he doesn’t need to go but he gets angry and insists he does.

Try getting a bidet attachment to the toilet so he will be clean. Most older men have an enlarged prostate. Ask for a referral to a urologist to have this addressed. Medications can help him with the feelings of "urgency" and "frequency."
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Reply to Taarna
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He may be going frequently out of fear of soiling himself. My loved one would layer multiple pairs of underwear as "protection" against accidents. Since he's able to toilet independently, let him! Tell him "we're out of toilet paper" or ration it by putting a few squares at a time out for his use. Discuss with his doctor; a medication for OCD may be needed. Good luck!
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Reply to RobinLRG
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Do what you think is best. You know him more than anyone. His brain is broken and he may be scared.
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Reply to MomMelinda
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Sounds like he's now exhibiting some OCD behaviors with having to go to the bathroom constantly for one reason or another, and his doctor should be able to prescribe medications to help with those.
Or he may have an overactive bladder, which there are medications to help with that as well.
And you may have to do what I did for my late husband and that was to throw away all of his old underwear and replace it with his new "underwear" Depends.
And just call them his new underwear. When that is his only choice for underwear, he will wear them guaranteed.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Suzy23 Aug 20, 2024
We tried that with my dad — threw out all his regular underwear (which he was not changing — just wearing the same pair for weeks straight) and replaced with Depends. He didn’t like them and would just go “commando” with nothing under his sweatpants. My mom had to refuse to put on a movie or serve him food (which he hardly ever ate anyway) unless he could show her he had the Depends on under the sweatpants. Sad. He also took to going naked from the waist down — while wearing a parka over his shirt inside the house — and once answered the front door that way. Really sad.
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I think that you are nearing the time where you cannot manage in home care.
I would carefully consider options. I think with dementia behavior such as obsession with bowel and bladder there is very little that can be done.

Do discuss with his doc. Ask if he thinks that a low dose antidepressant or low dose medical marijuana might help a bit.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Onthehill Aug 28, 2024
I will chime in and say from my experience with my mother, the 5mg low dose of medical marijuana works very well. She’s more agreeable, giggly sleeps and eats well. She was given Seroquel and had a horrible reaction.
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There is a condition, interstitial cystitis, that can cause urinating that many times a day. Often it's referred to as overactive bladder. There are medicines to help this. Sometimes doctors don't know much about this condition, and he may need to see a urologist. Since he has dementia, no telling how successful such a visit might be.

There is an over-the-counter medicine, Azo, that works by anesthetizing the bladder somewhat, but unfortunately it turns the urine red or orange. Those stains never come out of anything! I wouldn't advise it for a dementia patient.

However, the urge to "go" is probably a symptom of your H's broken brain, in which case bladder meds wont work. I'm just mentioning the possibility in case you want to have him checked out for IC.
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Reply to Fawnby
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