My mother is 82 years old. We live together and I take over when caregivers leave. She’s starting to make up stories about me and I’m concerned.😟 She’s starting tells caregivers lies, and making up stories about me and my mother needs help. She’s bi polar, schizoid, and possibly early dementia. She has hurt me in the past telling caregivers lies, and I don’t feel safe with her anymore.
I couldn't agree more that the two of these folks now need to separate from one another. It is ending to be harmful to them both. If Lavoy is living with mom she should make other arrangements for her life; if mom with Lavoy then that needs to be fixed. Mom would need to get an apartment or be placed.
I will recommend again, as I always do in the case of mental illness, the book, a memoir, by Liz Scheier titled Never Simple. This book tells of Ms. Scheier attempting to intervene to help her mother along with social workers of city and state of New York. This went on for decades, and all to no avail.
Truly, not everything can be fixed.
You've posted here before (July 2024). I read your message that you posted off this thread. We really can't give you any more advice than one of you needs to leave permanently. If it's her house, she gets to stay and you must leave. Others aren't helping you because they have healthy boundaries. I don't doubt you "don't feel safe with her anymore" however NO ONE is going to swoop in and rescue you. You need to keep poking at solutions and accept radical change in your life, which means you will need to extricate yourself from her presence if you ever wish to feel safe again. She has mental health issues and possible dementia (in your opinion). Dementia is incurable and progressive. There's no treatment for it. She will only get worse. She is no longer capable of any change, You're now the only person who can bring about a change. It will feel very hard at first but it will get better and be totally worth it.
Consider seeing a therapist to help you identify and defend healthy boundaries. I wish you success in protecting yourself in healthy ways.
Once at the ER tell the discharge planner that she is an "unsafe discharge" due to her falling and you are not her caregiver and she is resisting care. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about getting her discharged directly into a facility, or transferring to the hospital psych wing to get her on meds for her issues. Refuse to take her back home.
If nothing else this may buy you some time to figure things out. If you live in her house and she becomes a ward of court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian, then you may have to move out.
Are you currently managing her financial and medical affairs? Are you her PoA? If not, is anyone?
Were I you I would keep a diary of her claims every day, and how you responded to her. Short and sweet. Just this:
March 20th. "Mom claims I pushed her today. I didn't. I reassured her. 10 a.m.
"Mom much more calm this afternoon and enjoyed her lunch. 2 p.m.
March 21. I am concerned Mom is confabulating more; thinks I am causing her to fall. I have checked for a UTI and her urine is clear.
That will do nicely day by day and you can pull that out for any visitors with any authority.
These diaries, kept in a composition book with no erasing and no mark outs or tearouts is admissible in court as a documented record. You should also speak with Mom's doc about these claims so that's ON RECORD with her MD.