My mom recently passed. I shared this sad news with step-sister who has not seen our parents since last February for a 4 day visit and before that for about 15 years absence in all sense due to drugs and alcohol abuse. I am (was for mom) parents POA and have been there with them and for them all along - along with my family and my brother and his. Learning of my mothers passing, step-sister immediately swooped in, wanting to take over as POA and finances etc. because she is a blood relation.
With much recommendation from ALL of YOU, (Thank you!) my family's new Elder Law Lawyer said that doctors and lawyers provide different perspectives. The purpose of having a "the original lawyer" who wrote my parents' Will 8 years ago meet with Step Dad would be for her to document his wishes with regard to his estate and POA in case estranged daughter had him sign new documents. The additional information from this suggested "original lawyer" visit would potentially also provide an opinion about Step Dads capacity from a legal perspective. (Step-Dad already has a primary doctor and a neurologist note regarding his moderate dementia and inability to make life changing decisions or care for himself).
New Elder Law Lawyer stated that this is not mandatory visit and if I thought estranged daughter is not going to cause any problems going forward, there is no need to go forward with scheduling a meeting between "the original lawyer" and Step Dad. A meeting with the "original lawyer" just provides another form of protection against anything estranged daughter might do should we ever need to turn to the courts to protect Step Dad from estranged daughter.
I am concerned about step-sisters recent 2 week visit. Although she was not aloud to take him out of the assisted care home or have him sign papers, she did have her phone out during her visits and would stay 2-5 hours at a time. The care providers were not able to listen in on conversations and monitor full time. She could have recorder him saying something etc... I know my Step Dad enjoyed her visit during the time- although now he does not remember her visits.
What would you do??? Should I give the OK for the original lawyer to visit with Step-Dad? Does this visit make sense? Yes, I am worried about what he might say.
Your father can no longer express his wishes as regards wills and POA.
He has severe dementia, am I right?
This could cause confusion and catastrophe in my humble opinion, unless you are saying he IS COMPETENT.
And if he IS COMPETENT he can change any document he likes.
Do you already hold this POA and are acting as his POA?
Moreover, do you have the letters of his diagnosis as unable to manage his own affairs; are you on his accounts; are you his signee?
Because THAT is what needs to be set in stone for his protection.
If those things are all in place, any documents done by someone incompetent already, legally, cannot be changed no matter how many charlatans come in with how many papers. As you said already, he hasn't now a clue as to what he is signing. I would however, keep a careful diary, because if any surprises come up there could be trouble, and I would CLOSELY monitor any accounts as POA. that is your duty and obligation anyway, to keep meticulous monthly records as to every penny into and out of any accounts of his.
Also warn his care place as regards these people who you fear may be trying to get your father, now he is demented, to sign papers, documents and etc.
If they do anything like this it is off to the DA to file charges at once. Fraud and elder abuse.
You always share great advice.
I am the POA since 2023. I do hold 2 letters from his doctors of diagnosis and incompetence and I am an owner on an account, allowing me to make necessary purchases and pay bills. I keep very good records. He no longer has access to a CC or check book (I pay bills as Attorney in fact for.....) and he likely doesn't remember his bank or investments. This being said, my concerns are -
What is the purpose of the original lawyer asking him what his wishes are for his estate and POA that was written 8 years ago? Is this commonly done. It feels so wrong like opening up Pandora's box.
I agree with everything you say and that is why I am so confused why the EL attorney would suggest that his attorney visit him 8 years later. I don't want to cause him confusion either but if there is any protection in this for my family I may be interested. He is the beneficiary of my moms assets. His daughter feels like a threat to me as I have friends who have lost their families inheritance due to similar situations. Wanting to do the right thing.
If your SDad has moderate dementia and has an actual diagnosis in his medical records and 1 diagnosis is all that is required, then you won't need any more visits from any elder law attorney. Just make sure the facility has your PoA on file.
For my Mom I made an appointment to have her tested at her primary doctor. Then I asked the doc to provide the diagnosis on the clinic letterhead saying my Mom had cognitive impairment sufficient to require the help of her PoA, and doc signed the letter. I have it printed out and keep it with my PoA documents.
It is not the place of the facility staff to eavesdrop on anyone's private conversations so please do not ask them to do such a thing.
Make sure your POA is on file with the Bank, all Dads doctors, the facility and the hospital he frequents.
It seems counter-productive to get the original elder law attorney involved to interview a man with a diagnosis of moderate dementia about his wishes for his estate or anything else.
I would think that anything he says now is not legally binding.
If your step dad put you in charge instead of his daughter, that speaks volumes. Whether she gets anything when he passes away is and never was up to you. It's his will and you should not have to explain anything to step sister. I'm sure she will pressure you to tell her what she will receive. I don't think you need to tell her anything.
Listen to AlvaDeer.
You have done a wonderful job addressing your parents' needs, managing their estate and keeping good records. It does sound like step sister is looking for a quick pay day. Stay strong.
Good luck.
Tell that SS rep lawyer and his client, the estranged step-daughter to get lost!
step sisters rise from the ashes and sudden interest is concerning
get it done so you can relax
With diagnosis: "Step-Dad already has a primary doctor and a neurologist note regarding his moderate dementia and inability to make life changing decisions or care for himself)"
It seems like you need to step in immediately and manage the situation.
With documented dementia, I believe it doesn't matter 'what he might say' if recorded.
Keep this as easy and succinct as possible.
Do whatever you feel you need to do for you and your dad if / since you have legal authority to do so.
I do not know or understand why you are concerning yourself 'so much' with the visit (although I might be missing a lot / not understanding the full story).
He has dementia. This is documented. Listen to your (his) attorney and make this situation as easy on yourself as possible. I wonder if guilt is running you? I do not know the family history / dynamics aside from the step sister who hasn't visited since February - last year. Why does her involvement / visit alarm you or concern you so much? You HAVE legal authority to do what is in your dad's best interest. Use it with confidence.
Gena / Touch Matters
I think that the OP's concern stems from step sister now saying she wants to step in as POA since she is his biological daughter, and OP is step daughter.
Step sister has no legal grounds to step into the position of POA. But it seems she is being a PITA. (Pain in the you know what).