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My mother is 86 and still lives on her own. She is able to do most of her activities of daily living. However, she requires a lot of emotional support. She does have money and an LTC policy but until recently she thought that was for old people. So she muddles on, not walking very assuredly and feeling lonely. I talk with her everyday and I also stop by for quick errands like to grocery store. She does seem to have a lot of mini health issues - like diahrea, feeling wobbly or racing heart. During these times (almost weekly) she calls me to check on her and so I do. Add to the mix a man I met at my religious organization and we started dating last year. I even told him I am my mother’s lifeline since no other family are in town and most of her friends have passed and that I wasn’t sure I had enough energy to date since I am working and emotionally supporting my mother. We do get along and have a lot in common but sometimes I’m just too exhausted to go out or have him over. I do enjoy having him in my life. Have I taken on more than I can realistically handle right now? I’m mod 50s and he’s 68 with not a care in the world.

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Mom is only stubborn because you are there to do everything for her. Why should she move into Assisted Living when she has you? Go out with your bf and stop devoting your life to a stubborn woman whos wasted a TON of money on a LTC policy she had no intent to use. She intended all along to burden you with her old age and prevent you from having a life of your own. You should wake up now and see the manipulation for what it is, and stop being moms go to person so she can SEE how much help she truly needs. Put independent living out of your mind entirely and focus on Assisted Living only. Mom is way past her independent living days now.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I’ve read your response, seems it’s time to be more proactive. Mom is the one in need of help, that means she doesn’t control the situation. Take her on tours of places you vet and may be good places for her to live. If she refuses, accept her choice but tell her it comes with a firm understanding you will be living your own life and helping her with only what is reasonably doable for you. In other words, backing off. As the situation is now, she has no need to accept or want anything being different. Enjoy your life, we only get the one
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You deserve a boyfriend and a life beyond mom! Don't put yourself last.💕💕
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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my mother is very stubborn and today we had to have a difficult conversation about independent living and how she’s not going to get better or younger. I hope she decides to go and I encouraged her but I can’t make her to. I’ve tried putting boundaries up but them something always happens like she fell last week and I had to meet her at hospital or she’ll get sick and have to go to doctor…
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Reply to Exhaustedwoman
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waytomisery Apr 13, 2025
It usually takes multiple conversations . Tell her you are exhausted .
Take her to tour some Assisted Living .
She will get more support there .
Independent living is just meals laundry , housekeeping. You will still be exhausted.
Assisted Living can respond to her health episodes , and falls .
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You are exhausted and Mom is lonely and needs support. Sounds like she may also be nervous being alone . Time for a talk with Mom about going to assisted living . Perhaps socializing and activities will help her, as well as she has peace of mind of not being alone , having staff there to help her .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Your mother can move to assisted living where she will have other lifelines including the Medical staff and fellow residents for socializing and not be so dependent on you either emotionally or logistically. You shouldn’t be giving up on a full life just for her, especially because you will come to resent her over time.
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Reply to MG8522
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