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Curious to know about how much time POAs gave adults siblings to pick up items from family home that is being sold? I got an unreasonable request (live about 1,000 miles away and on travel restrictions due to being active duty) with little flexiblity to change it. That was the first time I heard the POA and realtor were planning to sell it. The realtor told me the POA and her have been working on this plan for months.
I do not know if the realtor who wants it on the spring market is behind this. If this benefits my parent who is in assisted living then I try to focus on that.
I admired reasonable POAs as I assume selling the family home of over 50 years or how many years is not an easy decision especially with push back from family members with nostagia.
Any advice for dealing with grief associated with this loss? With time like all grief I assume it gets better .
Please only kind, supportive, professional answers

You've received some good practical suggestions for dealing with this from other commenters. I understand you feel blind sighted by this request and it sounds like you haven't been kept in the loop of your parent's decline as much as the others, possibly because of your deployment. I just wanted to point out from my experience that while the short time frame is a hardship on you, it's likely ten times the hardship on the POA. My husband was the only surviving child when his mother passed, and cleaning out their property of 60+ years was a nightmare task. It was our full time job for five months to get it ready for sale. Our kids, niece and nephew helped some but most of the work and all of the responsibility fell to us.

This situation is always difficult emotionally and logistically. It's difficult for everyone involved. But the sale of the home is for your parent's benefit and can only be delayed so long. Try to compromise. This is no time to make things even more difficult with legal action.
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
Thanks for your insight. I think POAs have it hard as often they are the ones who have to make the tough decision.
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SummerHope, I understand your disappointment. A lot of us were unable to participate in this process during the pandemic lockdowns. Some family members ended up with a hugely disproportionate bulk of the clearing-out work while others who would have liked to participate and spend some last time in the family home were unable to travel and share the work. People react differently to these situations. The sibling with POA in your family may be feeling that this was an overwhelming amount of work and wants and needs to have it done so he or she can get back to their own work and family responsibilities. And yes, there are timing factors that affect the housing market. As POA your sibling has a duty to do what's best for your parent, and that means getting the best price for the house. I know it's frustrating but many situations in life don't work out with optimal timing. Does going to court against your sibling who is handling a huge job honor the family memories that you're trying to preserve? Is it something that your parents who gave you the home and childhood there would want you to do?
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
Parent has said we can pick up certain items so it is her wishes for me to do so. I tried twice to make an appointment when in the area two weeks ago as well as visit the home in the past. I was denied all three times. I have asked another request to come to the home in two weekends with a deadline as this is tough on my job and travel; else I will conclude POA has resistance.
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Also, if you are active duty the POA should be able to walk around the house and take pictures or a video of the contents so you can select what you want.
I'm not sure who would pay for shipping. I dropped things off at the UPS store and had them pack and ship to my siblings.
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I'll add if you hire a local mover to drive a couple of things out to you the POA should be able to meet the mover and sign the paperwork while you stay at work.
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I was the POA. I took pictures of everything and emailed them to my sister to see what she wanted. I had UPS pack and ship everything she wanted. UPS can pack and ship things for a fee. A couple of things I shipped via moving line.

If you want several of the bigger things, call a local mover, tell them you want several things driven out to you and tell them you are active duty. They should cut you a price break.

I found the realtors to be like vultures. They were extremely aggressive in wanting to list the house (so they get the commission.) Big picture however it did help to settle the estate faster by having the real estate sold.

Thank you for your service.
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
I agree the realtor seems like a vulture.
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It’s a very hard thing to go through for all involved. I was the executor for my dad’s will and did the clean out and sale of his home. For my emotional health, I had to make fairly quick decisions and had the home on the market and sold within about six weeks after dad died. I gave items to family as specified by dad and also let them select special items to take. There was loads to donate as well. I gave a long distance sibling the option to place items in storage until he could move them, that might work for you, a storage unit isn’t expensive. As for grief, it’s inevitable but focusing on memories of happier times does help, as does time
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
You sound like a nice POA. So far my family POA has blocked twice attempts to get into the home.
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It benefits your parent to sell the house ASAP , rather than paying to keep up the house and pay for Al . If you can not get there ASAP for whatever reason , another family member can take videos , pictures . You can FaceTime and tell the family member which items can be sent to you . A POA’s job is to do what is in best interest of the elderly person. There is no etiquette for how much advanced notice to give other family members . I’m sorry you can’t get there , but that’s not the POA’s fault . The POA isn’t required to tell you anything at all . POA could have said nothing about selling the house .

Considering what’s going on with the stock market . It’s best to sell now .

As far as grieving over selling the home , I really don’t know what to tell you , other than , the house is not a museum to be put on hold until you get there .
The house was your home because parents lived there . They don’t live there anymore. I’m sure there are family photos through the years you can look at . Perhaps have copies made of those older photos while you were growing up there.
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Geaton777 Apr 4, 2025
Way,

"Considering what’s going on with the stock market . It’s best to sell now ."

Is it, though? What does the stock market have to do with selling a home or not?

"Though they varied in length and severity, the market always recovered and went on to new highs."

Source: https://www.morningstar.com/economy/what-weve-learned-150-years-stock-market-crashes

I'd be careful about giving posters financial planning advice... if they want crowd sourced advice from a public forum they can go to bogleheads.org
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I suggest you contact a personal organizer in your hometown and ask her or him to handle this for you. She can go through the home with you on facetime, with the POA agent, take the items you want (with the agreement of other family members or whoever is in charge), and then either ship them to you or get you a storage unit.

Or if your siblings are agreeable they can do the facetime tour of the house with you and then just have the organizer handle shipping or storing the items for you.

This could help with your grief as you will get to literally see the house a last time before it's sold. Ask siblings or the organizer to take pictures for you. If you are on good terms with your siblings, this could be a nostalgic process that you share together that will help you process the change in situation.

Thank you for your service.

You could also do a hybrid -- ship smaller items, store larger ones.
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There are challenges with trying to maintain/protect an empty house. Sometimes homeowners insurers won't cover an unoccupied home. Where I live it's a seller's market and spring is a good time to do it.

I'm sorry you are feeling rushed through this process. I don't blame you. I just had to do this with my Aunt's home in FL, where she lived with her sister, both of whom helped to raise me. They also lived in that FL home for 50 years and when the 2nd Aunt passed away I went down there with my Mom and stayed for 8 weeks cleaning it, repairing it, and figuring out what to do with the contents that seemingly no one wanted (my Aunts never married and had no kids of their own and I'm an only child). They had a porcelain doll collection (about 75) many that they hand-sewed beautiful clothes for, many that were vintage, if not antiques, in great condition. But... I was not able to sell them and the thrift stores didn't want them. I did end up giving away lots of things but at least they went to people who would cherish them.

That house is now unoccupied since I live in MN and have 3 sons who don't want any of their things. We're not sure if we will keep it or sell it. I'm organizing a one-last time reunion there to scatter my Aunt's ashes with my sons present. After that... who knows.

My basement is already full of stuff from my husband's 2 sets of grandparents, both his parents (divorced), and now my Aunts' stuff. It is overwhelming. But at least you seem to want the items.

I would either ask the PoA to box up what you want and maybe hire someone to drive it out to you, or otherwise rent a storage unit. If you think you'd be able to make a trek out there just to have one brief last time inside the home, I'd ask for this favor given your circumstances, but it needs to happen reasonably soon.

May you receive comfort and peace in your heart as you mourn the passing of this era.
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
thank you so much. Your answer brings comfort to me. Weird turn of events. I shop often in thrifts stores sensing items there came from someone who past away. Knowing this they inspire me to purchase them, take great care of them (as well as taking care of the environment by buying second hand things), and hope in someway I a honoring a deceased person I never met. Honoring their deceased souls rewards me so much. Knowing this about myself comforts me if my mother stuff ends up in a thrift store as well as where your dolls ended up.
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SummerHope, 50 years is a long time for a family home now a days. Just think that a new young family will be able to love the house, that alone should bring on a smile :) It's wonderful the house is still standing, the 2 houses my Dad grew up in had been torn down decades ago.

When it was time to sell my parent's house (didn't grow up in that one), I took was I felt was most important. Nostalgia is tough. I had to be reasonable with my thinking. I donated the furniture as none was past-down generation furniture. My folks had some lamps I loved and unique bookends, so those are now in my house. Some frame wall pictures. But I have a ton of old photos and lots of memories to keep me happy.
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How much time would you find reasonable?
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
The POA gave about three weeks. I would sense two months would be better. I told the POA I was on travel restrictions for that month due to being active duty and being on-call to deploy. My command told me in court I would win. The POA did not seem to care.
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If you are the one that has to pick up items then get it done as fast as possible.
If necessary you can rent a storage unit, move everything to the unit then go through it when it is more convenient.
BUT out of sight, out of mind...until the bill comes each month.
Or you can hire a mover and have everything brought to your home so you can go through it.
I would like to think that all the siblings, if there are m ore than the 2 of you, would find a convenient time to meet and go through things together. That is not always possible.
Are there things you actually want? If so request that those items be sent to you. Again a mover would be the way to go if you can't get there to put things in a U-Haul.

The sale of property would benefit your parent in AL as those assets would then be used for paying the cost of AL as well as other expenses.

Remember the "things" are just that "things"
What hurts is the loss of a parent, their independence, the realization that they are not going to be here forever and the sharp reality of our own mortality.
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SummerHope Apr 6, 2025
agree the grief it symbolizes is the hard part. Thanks for your kind and supportive answer.
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