Hello. My mom broke her hip 2 months ago bcs she didnt want to use her walker. Now she still doesnt want to and is less steady on her legs. Her dementia got worse at the hospital and now at home we thought she would get better but no. My father 85 and me 55 take turns watching her 24\7. She doesnt get up without one of us being there to make sure she uses her walker and doesnt fall. At night, her dementia is worse so we dont sleep. We have an alarm on her bed so when she moves it alerts us. We take her to the bathroom or give her water whatever she needs and then try to get back to sleep. This happens at least 4 times a night. My father is exhausted. So am I. I will breal down one day. My father wants her to go to a nursing home but we know she wont be watched 24/7 and we feel we would be bringing her to her death. She does not want outside help. I had a lady one night come over to watch her and she became hostile ans agressive. We both know we cant go on like this but we know she will fall in a care facility and it might be fatal. What can we do???
Give her 200-400 mg of magnesium glycinate right after dinner. This will help her sleep through the night.
What makes you "know" she won't be watched enough? There are 3 shifts of professional staff there. Her dementia is not going to get better. That's a given.
You are comprising your Dad's and your own health without adequate sleep.
Elders fall all the time. This is the result of dementia, getting old, losing muscle strength and balance. They could be standing next to you and fall. A breeze can blow them over.
They have monitors, bed alarms, motion sensors, cameras, pads on the floor, railings and, depending on regulations, restraints. They have aides checking on a schedule. They have shifts of trained professionals, all there to take care of patients like your mom.
She's a fall risk. She could fall anywhere, including out of bed when you aren't in the room or even when you are. She can slide out of her dining chair like my husband did, breaking four ribs. She can fall in the doctor's office like my friend did, injuring his head. Falls happen to older people. That's a fact.
IMO she has a better chance of not falling in a SNF where teams are with her 24/7 instead of two exhausted people who can no longer cope (you and dad). Please visit some SNFs and see what they have to offer. If you keep on like this, the situation may bring ALL of you to your deaths.
Also, ask her doctor for medications to temper her hostility and aggression. This doesn't have to go on like this, and I wish you luck in making it better for all of you.
Exactly, you can’t. Who do you think might crack first, you or your dad? Will it be stroke, heart attack, cancer — or will one of you yourselves fall in the night? Time to make very tough choices.
You should also talk to her doctor about meds for her aggression, agitation and anxiety. You can also consider OTC or other sleep aids.
If you can afford an overnight aid, hire someone -- then at least you 2 could get some sleep. [ Care.com ]
My 100-yr old Aunt with advanced dementia fell in her own home multiple times. The final time was at night: she shimmied past the barriers and forgot she can't walk unassisted. She fell and broke her hip. Then she went to rehab and continued to attempt to get out of bed. She passed in her sleep before I could figure out her future care arrangement (since she was still trying to get up and walk). It honestly was a relief because I had no idea how to stop her from getting up and falling.
My 89-yr old MIL was in LTC for 7 years, completely bedridden. She was in an excellent facility on Medicaid, in a private room. She recently passed peacefully and quickly and all her family was present to send her off. The Chaplain was orbiting around us and praying, the staff were coming in to show their respects and love... facilities are not all awful and passing in a facility does not mean it will be awful.
You need to keep facility care as a possible solution so that you don't burn yourselves out for no reason. That won't help your Mom.
We are all going to die, and yes it's often a fall or falls that will take out someone with dementia, which in reality is a blessing as they no longer have to suffer with their broken brain.
There are much worse things than death, and you and your father matter too in this situation.
40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues. That is a true statistic, and one that should be taken seriously.
So start your search now for the right facility for your mom to move to so you and your father can get back to just being your moms loving family and advocates and not her burned out and overwhelmed caregivers.
I wish you well in your search.