My 80 years old mother-in-law lives with us since I got married into this family 24 years ago. She is mostly independent caring herself. I cook and clean for her. Instead of being appreciative towards me, she talks bad about me behind my back. She doesn’t talk to me. She convey message through my husband and kids about what she likes to eat. Should I keep doing what I’m doing? I’m getting irritated and angry with my husband because his excuse is “She is Old”
I'm with the poster below; eat what has been prepared or order out.
Two women usually don't get along in the household.
Why are you cooking and cleaning for her if she is independent.
Me, on the other hand, I don't do anything for people who talk behind my back and I know about it.
Have hubby pay for her a home care aide if she keeps up this behavior.
Add to that, why do you do the above for someone who is ungrateful, won't even talk to you, and talks ugly about you behind your back?
What kind of husband allows his wife to be treated in such a way?
I don't know where you live, but slavery is illegal in most parts of the world.
At 80, she could live another 20+ years, with her needs steadily increasing. Is this the future you want for yourself?
Unless you create boundaries so you're not being taken advantage of, your husband and MIL are going to expect you to do even more for her.
I live in an over-55 community where 80-year-olds play golf, bridge, bocce, tennis, pickleball, and other sports. They volunteer, help others by driving them to appointments, walk, belong to book clubs, cooking clubs, hiking clubs, pet clubs, swim and belong to exercise clubs, go on vacations together, and fly model airplanes. They take care of sick husbands and wives. They clean their own houses. They tend their own grass and gardens.
This is the USA. Slavery was abolished a long time ago. You do NOT have to be that woman's slave, nor do you have to do what your husband commands. Inform him of that and schedule a free initial consultation with a divorce lawyer. That might scare husband enough that he'll listen to your valid complaints. But don't count on it.
My aunt is still miffed at me for giving up POA. I decided to help where I can. Sending food, clothes, depends. Anything I could think of.
I called her and she got really nasty at me, basically telling me not to call her anymore.
My cousin who lives nearby aunt started making excuses for aunt's behavior. Everyone else said to ignore it. She's old, she has dementia.
I know my aunt pretty well and know she's mean and still holding a grudge, so I decided to just stop. She's ungrateful and mean and I can't change that.
Your husband is gaslighting you because he would rather you be uncomfortable instead of him.
Can you take a solo vacation or with girlfriends? So see the northern lights, take a cruise, etc. Let them have to deal with each other instead of you.
In the least, stop cooking for like a week or two. Everyone can eat sandwiches, cereal or take out.
In a nutshell , let your husband know that HIS mother is now HIS job , or Mom goes to live somewhere else , like assisted living .
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