..she has a living estate which means she can return at anytime but is responsible for bills and upkeep. Spouse has said we would move in and take it on. No mortgage exists. I would have to increase my commute to work one by 15 miles, plus deal with winter driving. I am so stressed. I see this as the final nail in my coffin, as I have been struggling to have a career after 29 yrs military, and the last recession. I will rot there, and the thought is giving me anxiety. I almost or did have nervous breakdown 2/3 years ago. I tried to get him and MIL to start selling her stuff a few yrs ago, they did nothing. I was not sure which area to post this under. I understand we could save more for retirement, but....
i think your husband could be planning on moving her back in saving more money. Seems a bit shady to me trying to avoid proper paying for services and avoiding taxes. He can’t have it both ways
you can always just say no
I'd lay MY cards out on the table if I were you. Now. None of this is ok. A marriage is a two way street where both partners make decisions together. Him deciding anything by himself is not gonna work, sorry.
Best of luck; I hope you can assert yourself and voice your rights here; you deserve to.
Now, you and hubby will need to find out if this life-estate will allow people other than Mom-in-law to move into the house. If yes, can it be rent-free? If no, then the house will need to sit empty.
And, is there a chance that Mom-in-law could return to the house to save more money if she is self-paying at Assisted Living? Then what? Will hubby be her full time caregiver?
pasha, I am on your side. My gosh an extra 15 mile commute isn't easy, that could add another 45 minutes to your driving time, if not more, depending on where you live vs your work site. This isn't fair to you. I would be freaking out if I was in that situation and scanning apartment websites for myself.
I think you may owe that to your husband before this move is made. You don't say the age of MIL. But this could represent decades of untenable living for you. I am so sorry. Saving money for retirement is one thing. However, making it there together is the prime imperative.
Your husband seems to make all the decisions, and I can see him bringing MIL home to live in her house, and, you taking care of her. Men do this all the time.
Do you have any boundaries with him? You might want to read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
I don't see a downside to this if it will allow you to save for your retirement.
An extra 15 minutes does not seem like a lot.
What I do find a problem with is..
Your husband appears to have made this decision on his own. (Unless he did discuss it with you and you did not indicate so in your post)
What happens if his mom decides to move back into the house? Will you remain or move out? Has that been discussed between you and your husband? If so what was the result of that discussion?
I can see the advantage of having someone living in a house rather than having it empty. I suppose the other question is are the bills and cost of up keep less than the rent you are currently paying? If so great, if the bills and upkeep are more then you will not be saving anything. Unless his mother will be paying excess.
The other option would be renting the house and you and your husband become the managers of the property, collecting the rent and doing maintenance. The house will not be empty, will generate cash flow and you can stay where you are renting.
Boundaries, I can see where living rent/mortgage free would be very attractive. Your hubby sounds as if he is not willing to listen. What do you want from this relationship? A life estate may exist for MIL to return but in reality it can't happen from what you are saying.
Beware once hubby gets you there, he may insist on bringing mom home, to save her money as his inheritance. Then you become her caregiver? Be careful, it is not the first time we have heard similar on this forum.