Likely an impossible question as each situation is as different as the people involved. But here goes - short background.
My Mom is in AL (level 3 of 5 care). I just retired so I can be present with her more often as every time I go to visit she thinks she just got there (been 3 years) and trying to figure out what happened. No short term memory - We have it all written down, prompt her and tell her, etc. I have a picture timeline of her life which she loves. We are all used to the routine and question loops by now.
Are shorter 1-2 hour visits better than longer ones on days I don’t take her out for errands or lunch? She loves to ride but as all know, it takes a while to get her dressed in clean clothes and out the door ( I prefer to help her to be sure clothes are clean). Should I go daily or how often? For how long? I’m trying to balance my life and sanity and providing her with loving care and companionship. Sister comes every 3 weeks for the daily and SIL 2-3 hours weekly. I am the main care overseer. With retiring I’ll now be able to participate in my local group support meetings.
Just curious as to what the group here may advise. At the end of the day it is the heart that tells you what one needs to do to not feel guilt after all will be said and done. But I also know from therapy that we can be unrealistic in our expectations of self.
A picture timeline of your mom's life is a clever idea. It causes her to reminisce, which is an excellent way to “stay in touch” with her. The amount of time you spend with her is up to you, there's no rule of thumb. While you still can, take advantage of her freedom to come and go. Eventually, that will become impractical. The important thing is that you are comfortable with your visits, the frequency and the time spent with her. She is being cared for at the facility, you have to insure your own care.
When my wife was in MC, I originally visited twice a day for at least an hour. After I felt confident about her care, I saw her once a day, and eventually every other day. The frequency of my visits was less, but the time spent during each visit was longer. I don't recall spending less than two hours with her at every visit, often longer. We would walk the facility, go to the cafe, go thru picture books, etc.
So do what makes you feel comfortable, what makes you feel satisfied with your need to care for her.
My MIL is in LTC in an excellent facility, with mild/mod dementia and a lot of short-term memory loss. Her out-of-state sons would call her in the morning (while we were physicall there visiting her) and not long after the call, she'd bemoan how she "never hears from " those sons. For a long time I was so bothered by this and wondered what use visiting even was if she didn't get the benefit of remembering it at all? But of course, there are many other benefits to her, remembering the visits or calls is just not going to be one of them. I'm at peace with it now.
The only time that the frequency of my visits mattered was during lockdown. I couldn't effectively visit in person, because she couldn't see me through her window (macular degeneration), and the aides would put her on the phone so she could talk to me outside. It confused her too much to be told that I was simultaneously outside her window and on the phone, too, so we finally went to just one or the other -- window so I could get my eyes on her, and phone so we could talk.
Once I was allowed to physically visit again, I could tell that while she knew my name and that I was a friendly person, I think she lost our connection as mother and daughter. That might have been the natural progression of her dementia anyway, but I feel like I could have kept up that connection better if I'd been with her during that year.
If you happen to have 2 hours one day, make that a longer visit. (I would not classify 2 hours as a "short" visit)
When my Husband was in rehab I would get there in the morning and be with him during PT although sometimes they did it before I got there in the am. I would then stay until lunch. Once he got situated at lunch I could leave without it upsetting him.
Take your cue from her. If she seems tired leave. If she is happy and animated stay a bit longer.
Do what you feel is right for you. There is no right or wrong answer to this.
Sounds like she is getting plenty of visitors so you don't have to worry that she is "forgotten"