My husband and I told them almost a week ago. My MIL gets it. She is asking questions about the facility. My FIL is having a really hard time. Last night before he went to bed he came to us and asked us to not throw them out of the house. Keeps telling us that we have many years left to live and enjoy our lives. Can’t we just wait a few more years to take care of them. My husband just kind of ignores him when he talks like that. What makes it harder is that he’s so hard of hearing. Almost doesn’t matter what we say. It’s exhausting. We are visiting 2 facilities this week. Hoping all goes smoothly.
🙏 that all goes well
Congratulations! I hope the transition happens soon and goes well.
Have MIL ask questions at the senior communities (nicer term than facility) like about the food. And make sure she can ask some of the residents how they like it. Any place that doesn't want you talking to residents is a red flag.
Again, MIL needs to be driving this home for *her* husband while you and your husband help them choose the place that's right for them.
Maybe after listening to your FIL grieve, you can keep adding this truth to each and every conversation about the move.
It may bring a bit of peace.
Will they adjust? They won’t have any other choice. Chances are they will adjust in time.
If they don’t adjust, you can’t do anything about it, other than speaking to their doctor about meds to calm their anxiety.
I believe those who are vulnerable will pick up on other people’s anxiety, which is probably why your husband isn’t going overboard with discussing their situation.
I am sure that this isn’t pleasant for your husband but he is doing a great job of managing his emotions.
Best wishes to all of you. Let us know how it goes after they are placed.
And, can you get them excited about this....such as they'll meet other seniors to have a social life with - have meals with in a dining area - activities planned, etc. If anything, you can let them know that this is still providing them with independence - but they can get some assistance in the things that they need. They'd still be enjoying their lives - they shouldn't have the mindset that it's a punishment. Maybe they need to understand the difference and that this will provide activities and meeting new people.
Wishing you the best ~
Make sure they know the seating arrangements, so as to not cause issues
AL is an apartment, that's all. They do not require the residents be cared for by staff or have their bottoms powdered after a bath.
The residents can cook in their apartment which has a microwave and a fridge. They can order take out.
They can walk out the front doors after calling a cab or an Uber.
Stop talking about AL and take them to SEE an AL or 2 to actually lay eyes on the luxurious hotel like amenities they'll be "forced" to live with.
Ask to be shown an activity calendar for June too.
You will always have people like Cover who are grossly misinformed about Assisted Living and what it's REALLY all about whispering horror stories in your FILs ear. Until he sees for himself he's being "thrown out" of a boring house into a whole new lifestyle of autonomy and activity he can choose to partake in or not, his choice.
There are many different types of units to choose from.
Some are efficiency units. Others are one or two bedrooms.
Some have kitchen areas, other places don’t have kitchens.
They can choose to eat in the dining room or they can opt to have meals delivered to their room.
Most have lovely outdoor spaces. Some will have a pool area.
They will have an activities director and will provide activities throughout the year.
Assisted living communities here have seasonal theme parties, such as Mardi Gras, birthdays, holidays, etc.
There is a chapel on site for worship services.
Some have hair salons, game rooms and libraries.
Many provide shuttle buses or vans for upcoming doctor appointments and excursions.
Some places allow pets and they welcome visiting therapy dogs.
There are common areas where residents can relax and socialize. Ours have happy hours, drinks and appetizers, some have pianists who play music for the residents.
You can tour a few places on your own. Then invite your in-laws to visit the ones that are best suited for everyone involved.
Bring home brochures for them to look at. Schedule a tour and have lunch there.
Consider how far you want to drive when you go to visit them.
Change can be hard for some people. Just remember that ‘change’ is the one ‘constant’ in our lives. Nothing stays the same forever.
We are all going to get old one day and be faced with challenges.
I will never expect my children to care for me. I want them to live their own lives.
I will gladly leave my residence if needed and live in a community that will fulfill my needs as a senior.
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