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My beloved husband has early stage dementia. He is happy and has good self care skills. He is aware of his decline in executive function. His perceptual and motor skills are weakening, and he drops and breaks things. This is not Alzheimers, it is secondary to remote brain surgery with encephalomalacia. Overall his memory is OK, he is learning a new language, and his health is stable on medication.


I need to travel in a few months and will be away for 10 days. I have a son who is close with him, who will check with him daily. Hubby can also follow written instructions. I would appreciate any recommendations for things that I should do in advance, to make sure that I don't forget anything.


He really doesn't want or need anyone to stay with him and this will be the last time I leave him, but I want to do everything to ensure that he will be successful. (He doesn't have use of a car, and can take public transportation as needed.)

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I personally am no longer comfortable with leaving days at a time or even overnight, and my partner, at 84 is perfectly well. My own discomfort came about due to his having a massive stroke on Oct. 24th that would have resulted in nursing home had he not be got into Stoke Center via ambulance within minutes, and clot busters on board within an hour. That resulted in the breakup of the clot at once and going from no left side, aphasic and dysphasic to perfect. As RN never saw such a turnaround.
So basically, I am not going anywhere for the duration.

That's me.
But for you it sounds as though husband is honestly perfectly functional.
What does HE say about being alone?
Why do you question his ability to be alone? What have you seen him do or be unable to do that is making to feel uncomfortable?

You have the son visiting.
I would myself now have camera installed. Had Gene Hackman had such a thing monitored by cell phone by one of his children he would have know what was happening. Saw in a bedroom where he sleeps, so that you know he is safely in bed for the night or not, and whether he needs checking or not.

Personal opinion.
Does he take meds?
Can he do so safely.

Quite honestly you know your husband and his daily activities much better than a forum of strangers who never met the guy. I am more comfortable with YOUR opinion than mine, or the opinion of others.
Good luck.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to AlvaDeer
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* Do not leave it to chance that he'll be 'okay' without add'l care-givers.
* Have cameras in strategic locations so you can monitor some areas (bed, bathroom, - ? )

* Have 'back-up' neighbors check in on him daily / regularly.

* I understand he 'doesn't want ... anyone to stay" with him, I recommend that you take more control and do what is potentially in his best interest (care) vs taking his lead / desires - of, understandably, not wanting any (stranger) in the house.

You want to be safe, not sorry. If I were you, I would:

- Discuss options more with your son who lives close by.
- Engage the services of a medical social worker.
- Equally, you want to feel relaxed when you are away for 10 days ... not worrying and wondering how he is doing 24/7.

If it were me, I wouldn't leave anything to chance. There is 'always' that ONE TIME ... when we don't expect something to happen ... when it does. You want to err on the side of caution / safety.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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DrBenshir Mar 27, 2025
Good suggestions. I can get neighbors to check with him daily. I can also plan an interactive schedule for him. He is able to use public transportation by himself and he does. He will be taking classes two days each week. My son will have him sleep over and my daughter (not close by) May also take him for a weekend with the grandkids.
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DH can easily get disoriented w/o you around as I'm quite sure he relies on your guidance a LOT more than you realize. Being here on the forum for as long as you have, you know how quickly things can go south with a dementia sufferer. One stop off on the bus and he's lost. One extra 0 on the microwave and the meal is cooking for 60 minutes instead of six. I wouldn't leave him alone for 10 days no matter how early his cognitive impairment is or how independent you think he is. He is used to things being the way they are NOW, not being alone and expected to follow written instructions. He can quickly feel overwhelmed and then what? Imo it's too big a risk to take for the sake of DH not wanting anyone staying with him. Hire a companion or set him up in a local AL for the 10 days you're gone. Then you can go in peace KNOWING he's safe and being looked after.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I ponder your last statement because it speaks volumes. “This will be the last time I leave him but I want him to be successful.” If you think he is failing to the point that you won’t be able to leave him anymore after a trip of 10 days in a few months, my guess is he probably should not be left alone now. You have no way of telling if his regression will suddenly take a plunge especially with such a change in his life as having you gone.

The mind is a funny thing. Expect his response to all things to be more confused, fearful, and intimidating simply because you are not there. Apparently neither of you has considered this huge piece of this event and this is huge. I would reconsider and think about a full time caregiver during your time away.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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DrBenshir Mar 27, 2025
I won't leave him again because dementia is progressive. He has just agreed not to get a new drivers' license. He decided himself that it isn't a good idea. That shows me he is cognitively together enough to understand his situation, make decisions and adapt appropriately. That won't always be possible. We can still work together as a team, which is a huge blessing!
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Agree with everyone's super helpful comments here. One other suggestion: Get him a medical alert device, one that he will actually wear while you are away. For my F-I-L, he wouldn't be caught dead wearing a lanyard, even inside his home, so we got him a watch. We chose the Kanega Watch because it works out of the box and he doesn't have to take it off to charge, among other unique benefits. Do your own research, but that has worked well for us (even automatically activating when he fell getting out of his car recently - within seconds he was speaking to an agent through the watch who could help him - which gave us all great peace of mind in the instance where he might not be conscious next time. One other suggestion - we tried the Apple Watch first, since we are all Apple fans. Not for my F-I-L. Too complicated and we discovered that the AW only activates on a fall if a person is completely immobile after the fall for a full minute. Move your arm slightly and the alert system is automatically disabled. This was super concerning to us. Sorry for the long response. All the best in your difficult situation.
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Reply to Livingsum
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DrBenshir Mar 27, 2025
Great idea. He always wears a watch! And he has a birthday coming up!
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Could your son stay with him or move in if things don’t go well? I think you need a back up plan in case you are providing more stability for
your husband than you are both aware of. Perhaps spend a weekend away first to see how things go? That could provide useful information for both of you, including increased confidence. Also, by checking in daily do you mean a phone call or actual visit? I think it would be wise to have someone lay eyes on the situation if it all possible.
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Reply to MidwestOT
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Hire a temporary caregiver/companion to stay at your home for the ten days. You can go through a homecare agency or hire someone privately through a caregiver website like care.com

You probably shouldn't leave your husband home alone for the time you're going to be away.

Would it be possible for him to stay with family or a friend for ten days?
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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First of all, don't leave him alone, you will be setting yourself up for more than you can chew,so many things could go wrong and you can be prosecuted for adult abuse and neglect.can you leave him with a relative,? don't take any unnecessary chances, just saying
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Reply to Moneyman1567
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I have a Blink camera, with an app on my phone, so I can check on my husband when I am away - I only leave for an hour or so for errands, or visiting with a neighbor, but he is unable to do anything for himself, he can't use the TV remote, he can't use a phone, and is not mobile. I can talk to him and hear him through the camera.

Make sure the house is well stocked with food, medications, and don't forget the toilet paper and paper towels! If he can't or shouldn't be cooking, arrange for meal delivery every day.

Also, make sure both of you have important documents in place; Wills, living wills, medical representative, POA, and a list of emergency contacts, just in case anything happens to either one of you.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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DrBenshir: Best to hire a temporary caregiver.
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