I take care of my 94 year old mother with dementia. For about a month now, she has this unbelievable obsession with going to the bathroom every five minutes. She wears a diaper, but refuses to do anything in it. So when she has to go to the bathroom, I lift her up from her recliner (dead weight) walk her to the bathroom, which takes forever because she is losing the ability to walk (there is a commode next to her recliner which she refuses to use) get her on the bowl and then lift her off and walk her back to her recliner. Within five minutes she wants to go back to the bathroom. She doesn't always do anything, it's just this obsession. My brother and his wife came to visit and when she needed to go to the bathroom, I helped her up and as I was walking her I said to my brother, "Would you believe that I did this 35 times yesterday." He started to yell at me and called me an idiot for talking about this in front of my mother. He says I am emotionally abusing her because she still can somewhat understand. I called him a few choice words and told him to walk in my shoes and see if he has a meltdown every once in a while. Why does everyone judge or give advice when they don't pitch in to help. It reminds me of the people who don't have children telling the one who does how to raise them. Thank you for the opportunity to vent.
I would hate to know what kind of place my mother would be living in if it were left up to anyone else to decide her care.
One brother calls my mother no less than 3 times every single day and cries to her about his problems. Of course, she feeds into that and treats him like a two-year old. In the mean-time, mom’s mental and physical health keeps declining and I am taking on more and more of her care.
When my mom would go visit my brother (mental health visit for me), he would always call and tell me what I should do for such and such or did I know about this and that physical issue with mom.
Pissed me off because as I was working full time and taking care if my mom’s 1acre property all by myself, not one if my brothers ever offered to help. They both live within 150 miles from our city, but there was always an excuse for not coming to visit. And now there are the excuses about my mom coming to them for visits.
Because of a government program one brother is on, he can’t have visitors for more than a week at a time. So that leaves out any vacation time my retired husband and I had for doing some traveling. The other brother is completely useless. I have heard for over a year now that my brother was going to move to our city and take on taking care of mom. She has been living with me since December because of health issues and will never live alone again.
My mother has two other children, yet I am the one everything gets dumped on.
Only you can decide when it will end. Your sibs took advantage of you, true, but only you can say enough! and change things. What's going to happen when you injure yourself lifting your mother?
I'm so sorry. I know its really hard. I totally agree with you. I had it too with my siblings. Please know we are all here with you. Sending you extra hugs.
Hang in their be a duck let it roll off your back, you have enough of a load than to worry about them.
Praying for you. may God bless!