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I can get him to things he forgot, but he does remember not wanting to go to memory care. I have POA over him and I do tell him he needs to go.I also need to go to senior living due to not being able to do daily up keep of our house.His family can't help due to their health issues. His doctors have told him he needs to go. We even have documentation he should he be there.Any ideas?

When a person has dementia they lose the ability to reason and make sound decisions. He will likely never agree to memory care, his automatic response to many things that involve change is likely just “no” Please don’t discuss it with him again as he cannot process the information. He chose you as POA to make good decisions for him, this is that time. Pick out the memory care place you find best and rely on the staff there to guide you on the best way to make the move happen. They are experienced in this and know how to handle it well.
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You get clever and use a "therapeutic fib" to get him there.

Like Daughterof1930 recommended, stop talking to him at all about "memory care". You pick out a place (and make sure it accepts Medicaid!). You discuss the transition day with the admins and staff so that they know you are getting him in there using a fib (they will be happy to play along, it's not their first rodeo). Then you tell him you're both going to stay at a temporary apartment because the current residence is having "work done" (so, water is off, electrical is off, etc) or there's a problem (gas leak, black mold, bug infestation). Whatever narative you think he'll buy. Then pack a bag for each of you and help him get settled into his new room. Then go home and have a cocktail and don't respond to any of his calls for a few days -- give him time to settle in.

If he isn't currently on meds for anxiety and agitation (if he's having these problems) then now -- before he moves -- is the time to get him started on these so that he won't be overly anxious unnecessarily.

I wish you much success in getting him into MC!
(4)
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You find a memory care, that you think is best, then you talk to the office and they will help you figure out what's the best way to go about it. But drop all subjects of memory care to your husband.

So sorry I'm sure this is very hard
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i would have the facility take over for you in executing it. they can just say we are going for a walk today and move their room. is it in the same facility?
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You are jow the decision maker. You make the plans and you take him there. You do not need to discuss this with him. He has no idea what is good or bad for him. Just do it.
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Make it all about DOWNSIZING. You can't take care of a big house anymore, it's too expensive, so time to face reality and begin the "downsizing." Talk about how much easier it will be for you both!

I'd even tell him you dropped the idea of "Memory Care" and decided you'd both do this "together." It will happen in 2 phases, he gets settled in first while you make sure everything runs smoothly with the home, and will follow.
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I agree with dropping the discussions. Does he have a friend who is willing to go along with the fib of having a lunch out together ? Then after lunch when you get to MC the staff can help get him out of the car if needed.
Only you will know the best way, depending on how your husband is.

As a last resort , The other thing you could do is call your County Agency of Aging and see if they would be willing to come out and bring your husband to MC, This is what I had to do to get my mother out of the house. They coordinated with the facility on date and time.
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