My parents are still both healthy and living on their own but I'm starting to worry about my mother. She's getting very bored and has very little options of things to do due to her failing eye sight. We have made suggestions of word puzzles, crocheting (which she used to love), writing in a journal anything to keep her mind sharp but my father is a very stubborn man and wouldn't understand her sitting around doing these things so she's just always cleaning something and on edge and sad most of the time. I don't know how to help her, he has a garden and I suggested she do this also but there isn't a lot of space for another, it's just getting hard. I can't visit as often as I want, I usually try to visit every 2-3 weeks and send a full day. I try to call but again she can't be on the phone, it's just a hard situation all around and I'm starting to feel very sad about her situation and guilty for not being there for her more. Any suggestions on how to help with the boredom? Thank you so much.
Nancy
Definitely a good idea to let the doctor know what's going on. Sometimes that will fill in a picture that the doctor has been concerned about and allow for improved treatment or better diagnosis.
I’d wonder why Mom is afraid to defy him and do her own thing. If her eyesight is failing, crocheting may not be an option. Puzzles as well. You say “we”. Are there other sibs or family who could visit and observe what’s going on? Dad may need to have a little one on one counseling from a family member about his treatment of Mom. If he is, as you say, healthy, he should be able to understand that his treatment of Mom stinks and he needs to “back off”.
For Mom, there are organizations for the sight-impaired who offer aides for them. You can google them in your state to see what might help. And, if Mom hasn’t been to an ophthalmologist lately, it’s time for her to go.
I agree that there are organizations that help the sight-impaired. You might look into what the public library has to offer. They can deliver books and videos to homebound folks. Maybe your parents could watch a movie once in a while?
I also agree that your dad's controlling behavior is unreasonable. Maybe you could begin by talking with his doctor. Do you have permission for their doctors to share information with you? If not, it is probably time to seek permission. Your parents would need to fill out a form with their doctors giving you permission. Also you could seek healthcare Power of Attorney.
Are your parents connected to any social groups, such as a church?
You are right to be concerned. Aging in place can be quite lonely.
as her health declined with a bunch of “ odd symptoms”- unexplained 40lb weight loss, forgetfulness, nausea, unsteadiness... it became difficult to move her away. She passed away in her bed peacefully at 74.
The guilt of not being able to “rescue her” and make her life better is overwhelming at times. After her death 7 months ago, doctors have seen my fathers irrational, adamant, stubborn, and belligerent behavior, and he is now medicated on a strong “chill pill” and off alcohol.)hospital detox after a drunken fall). I should’ve stepped up and taken on my fathers behavioral issues sooner. In the back of my head, I feel like I could’ve made my mom’s life happier, instead of hearing her saying “I’m ready to go whenever God takes me” at 74!!!
Do what you can to step in an corral that behavioral issue of dad’s. Talk to his doctor, have a family intervention, try medication... ANYthing is better than nothing.
I used them for my mom a couple days a week for about 2 hrs. Each visit, and the Visiting Angel vacuumed and dusted and also fixed or brought a snack to eat while they just talked and got to know each other. If you’re ever not thrilled with the person coming, the agency wants to know and they will send someone else.
Aging includes losing interest in the things that were once enjoyed, more difficulty focusing, and less activity means less appetite. Enjoying favorite TV shows and music is sometimes enough to make a nice day for them.
You have a caring heart. God bless you with the wisdom and guidance you need.
Why can’t she be “on” the phone? A few good phone “visits” with old friends and family could be encouraged and a good way to rekindle those relationships and to plan future meetups or home visits.
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