Follow
Share

How would you compare the differences / similarities between caring for elderly parents vs. an elderly spouse?
Of course, each situation is unique, but generally speaking, which do you think is more difficult?

I’m only going to touch on the emotional aspect in general because the actual caregiving can vary so greatly .

On the one hand , we all expect our parents to die . However , During caregiving , I did not expect how selfish , unncooperative , and unappreciative a parent can be, as well as the entitlement without seeing how it impacts their adult child. Plus they don’t want to listen to their child .

Caring for and watching a spouse decline, I imagine still has to be emotionally worse . A spouse is your life partner , your other half .,
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

Caring for parent vs spouse:

There is no respite for caring for a spouse. It's a 24/7/365, sleep depriving, high anxiety, mental and physical challenge. If I hired someone a few hours a day to give me some respite, when those hours were over, I had to plunge right back into it.

You have no financial responsibility for your parents' care. Whether your spouse is receiving home care, adult day care, or is in a care facility, you foot the bill.

Loss of freedom- your activities outside the house are curtailed. You become increasingly isolated.

The healthy spouse's anticipation of the loss of intimacy, shared plans and dreams, enjoyable experiences add to the grief they're already experiencing.

Perhaps the biggest difference in caring for a spouse vs a parent is the contractual commitment (marriage vows) to care for one's spouse. This can seem like a significant roadblock to proper care and can contribute to excessive stress, guilt, and the feeling of entrapment (inability to escape the situation). This commitment can make one feel OBLIGATED to care for his/her spouse without regard for either their own or their spouse's well-being. Being RESPONSIBLE for your spouse's care, however, can give you choices that consider both your spouse's and your own well-being. Considering placement of a spouse in a care facility when the carer can longer meet their spouse's needs IS caring for him/her and fulfills your commitment to your vows.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to sjplegacy
Report
AlvaDeer Mar 6, 2025
sjp. Good to see you!
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Both have there similarities, but I would imagine that caring for a spouse would be far more difficult as you live with your spouse and are with them 24/7, whereas most children do not live with the parent(s) they are caring for,(unless they make the mistake of moving in with them,)so they are able to get away and go back to their homes for a reprieve.
With that being said I believe a spouse is more open to listening to their spouse about what should or shouldn't be done, over a parent who still believes they're in charge and don't want to be told by their child what they should or shouldn't be doing.
But bottom line, regardless of who you are caring for, it is very hard work, and can take its toll on the caregiver if great care isn't taken to make sure that they make themselves a priority too.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

This post is more appropriate for the Discussions section so I'll report it for admins to relocate it.

Also, I agree with Alvadeer.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

For myself it was my brother that got Lewy's.
I really believe there is no situation more "easy" than any other. And each situation is utterly unique. And dementia is a CRUCIBLE no matter who it hits, and the caregiver suffers along with the victim.

I think it would take several volumes of several books to try to comb out differences.
Every situation is absolutely unique.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter