Mom (94) has been in a memory care unit at the AL facility for about 18 months. Up to this point, while she has experienced some mild hallucinations (e.g. seeing an object that wasn't there), she's now telling me about staff taking her away from her bed for the night and making her sleep somewhere else, in an effort to "control" her and some other residents. She told me they are also trying to control her through her telephone in the room. Someone who visited from her church told me (only after I asked if she's noticed anything unusual in Mom's behavior, it would have been nice to have been told when it happened ) that Mom said the staff pulled her into the hallway, beat her with a rod and called her names. Needless to say, none of this is accurate, I live close by, I visit at least twice a week and walk in at all different times. Aside from the lack of any "physical" evidence of abuse, the staff there is nothing but caring and patient with her and all the residents. In fact almost every staffer I meet talks about how sweet she is. Mom is very meek and anxious by nature. Even when she wasn't in this decline I used to have to encourage her to speak up for herself, ask for more help going to the bathroom, etc. (she has some mobility issues). Now she won't share any of what she's experiencing with anyone but me or the few other visitors she gets. She's afraid of everyone and is pulling at her clothes, ripping tissues, etc. It's so heartbreaking to see her like this. I contacted the Director of Nurses and the social worker and told them what was going on. They are going to do the medical things - check for UTI, bloodwork, etc. I think this is beyond a UTI, though I know that can enhance symptoms. I told them she probably won't admit to any of these delusions to anyone on staff. I'm hoping there is some medication that can help. But also I wonder if anyone else has been through this with a loved one, and can offer any ideas (or just some empathy!) for dealing with this issue...
This point is perhaps just a sign of the times, though: do please bear in mind that it is not *impossible* that somebody is making your mother afraid. How are interactions monitored, especially at night time?
I'm not suggesting that she's never expressed discomfort with an aide who she thought was brusque with her, over the years she's been there, and I always have reported those kinds of things to the supervising RN or the DON, and they've always taken appropriate steps to address these things. This is different.
Your mother's psychic pain is just as real as if she had unremitting physical pain.
My mom's several geriatric psychiatrists all told me that using psychiatric meds in dementia patients is something of a trial and error thing. There doesnt seem to be any real science behind what works for whom EXCEPT that it's a known fact that Haldol should NEVER be used in patients with Lewy Body dementia. It's probably worth it to make sure that your moms neurologist has no suspicion that she has LBD.
Good luck and keep us posted. We care!
Also appreciate what you said about the psychiatric meds. That's all good information.