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My 88yrold father was recently diagnosed with Lewy body dementia moderate stage.All new to us.my mother have her own health issues also.i care for both of them but they only want me 24/7My mother is so selfish and gives me a hard time and says some nasty things to me I had numerous fights and walk outs but she rings crying and apologise we can't cope with out you.I'm smothering and my own health is been effected.My mother said to my son she can have a life when we're dead.She throws at me all the time that she minded her mother while she was raring us as children and I'm expected to do the same with her.I can't cope anymore.

I think you should now consider telling them they require placement. Bow away. You are enabling them not to get the care they need. This could go on a good deal longer if you don't honestly level with them that you do not wish to go on. This is not a discussion; this is not an argument; this is telling them that you are sorry but you do not intend to do this anymore.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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It doesn't matter what your mother did with your grandmother. You need to just tell them that you will not be available any more after a certain date, and that they need to get caregiver(s) in to help them or they need to move to a facility. And then stick by it. You don't need to live with this abuse and you shouldn't model for you son (and other children if you have them) that they should accept abusive treatment from others.
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Reply to MG8522
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Do you live there? If so, you will need to leave for a while and report them to APS. Especially if you are not the PoA for either of them, and if they don't have a PoA at all. You have no legal power to manage their affairs. Your siblings won't like this solution but then they don't have to like it.

The reason APS is a solution if your parents don't have PoAs is that you won't be able to pay their bills, have discussions with their doctors, make decisions on their behalf. And, your parents are refusing outside help and you are already overwhelmed and on your way to burnout.

Your Mom sounds like she is in moderate dementia as well. If I were you I'd decide to move out, then I'd call my siblings and explain the situation so they aren't shocked when it happens and so they can step up if they choose to until there's a permanent solution. Even if your siblings are enraged and refuse to help, you must leave and call APS. The longer you wait, the longer you keep propping them up, the longer a time it takes for a solution to happen.

I'm so sorry, you're not imagining this is a bad situation. But you're going to have to do a hard thing, but then things will improve for everyone.
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Reply to Geaton777
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