I knew my husband was having worsening focus, short term memory and comprehension issues, plus "nastiness" and combatitiveness. It was "the lights are on but no one's home." The day before his routine follow up appointment for cholesterol, (and he had forgotten to get pre-visit bloodwork and had forgotted the actual doctor appt. until they called to remind him), I called the doctor office and told them what was going on and asked that the doctor address it at the appointment the next day. I was shocked when the doctor gave my husband some simple tests...and he failed enough to have the doctor refer him to a neurologist and order bloodwork. My husband could not spell "world" backwards (and became agitated at the request to do so), could not count backward from 100 by 3's (got stuck at 91 and blanked out after that - and needed help from the doc to even get started at 100) and could not touch his thumbs to fingers, even when the doc demostrated what he needed to do. So now I am freaked out. And the waiting is killing me. Bloodwork is in 2 days. Neurologist has not called with appointment yet. My husband thinks nothing is wrong with him, or he may just "snap out of it" if there is an issue. I do understand that this may NOT be dementia but the not knowing for sure is stressing me out. My daughter is getting married here in June and I hope to have answers by then? I am not telling any family about this so as not to disrupt the happy nuptials and the "fun" of the wedding, so I am on my own for now. Also, my husband is the sole caregiver for his 92 year old mother, who lives in a retirement apartment 45 minutes from us. His dad died in December and his only brother died in 2014. So much to consider and deal with if the diagnosis is positive.
With Alzheimer's, early diagnosis does not really a bearing on it - UNLESS an Einstein can come up with a cure, you're doomed, sadly.
Some things I am learning is keep snacks and a lot of them. He is constantly looking for food. I had to put a tile on his keys because he kept losing them. We have found old mowers, tillers, etc. for him to tinker with in his shed. But he has lost all interest in doing things and sits and stares at the wall and smokes. He is also beginning to put off things such as bathing, eating regular meals, doing his nightly chore of taking out the trash. Said he just wants to sit and do nothing.
I wish you the very best. We are here for you. May your daughter have a beautiful wedding and you be as happy as she is.
"Also, my husband is the sole caregiver for his 92 year old mother, who lives in a retirement apartment 45 minutes from us. His dad died in December and his only brother died in 2014."
How is your husband's mother?
Your husband's anger and mood swings sound like frontotemporal dementia (FTD). FTD is the most common form of dementia for people under age 60, and so your husband's decline may have started when he was still young and strong enough to hide it.
There is never a convenient time for a bad diagnosis. I'm a "hope for the best but prepare for the worst" sort of gal, and I urge you to use some of this time while you wait for his diagnosis to start getting important things in order like durable power of attorneys, living wills, wills, finances, etc.
Your daughter's marriage is a once in a lifetime event, and I hope that you will be able to be fully present for her and your new son-in-law, and participate in all of the joy that comes along with celebrating their joyous union.
I will admit to all of you that have replied today...just having people who can understand and who will listen and give me advice has totally turned my head around on this. It has made a HUGE difference and my anxiety levels have plummeted today, reading all your responses. From the bottom of my heart....thank you all.
Also...my husband does not want to think about nor discuss what is happening to him right now. And he made it clear we were not going to discuss it with any family members until we have a firm diagnosis. I will respect that wish for now. I think he is scared but will not admit it, but he makes offhand comments that indicate he is worried.
I will research FTD because what you describe sounds very plausible.
Meanwhile, can you have a confidential heart-to-heart with your other child? I expect your husband's face would be a picture of horror if you even suggested speaking to his children, but the wedding, being so soon, is a big issue and this is a lot to keep strictly to yourself.
I know this is incredibly difficult, but there are so many things that *could* be behind these problems that guessing has got to be a bad idea. Bloodwork in two days. I should get on the phone and badger the neurologist's office for that appointment. And hang around here on AC for more support, which will be along in a few minutes, I'm sure.
You are going to have to tell your daughter that there is a problem. You can try hugging this secret to yourself, but if you think she isn't going to notice that her mother is not excited and happy and giving her daughter's wedding her full attention... Better she should know that you're dealing with some uncertainty but expecting answers very soon than that she should be hurt and anxious that there's something you're not telling her.
Have you ever mentioned to her that you've been concerned about your husband over the last couple of years?
I did call the neuro to add my name and number as a contact and they said it would be "some time" before he gets an appointment. I sort of figured that.
I do appreciate the support and responses here so much!!
When did you first notice that your husband was having these difficulties?
Apart from your daughter, what other family members might you confide in?