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Mostly Independent
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People suffering from a Dementia usually always want to go home. And it may not be even the last home they lived in, it could be a childhood home. I feel people suffering from Dementia go back in time as the desease progresses to where they are actually in their childhood. I feel my Mom thought I was her mother at times. I checked in on Mom almost every day for no longer than a half hour sometimes just 15 min at the AL. But I was 5 min up the road. Its usually recommended to stagger the times you go but I found before dinner was a good time. I sat in the common area with her and when everyone was seated I walked her to her table, said see u later and left. When she went to the NH, that was in the next town so I only went every other day. Not long, just to check in.
They have no conception of time. Their days just run into each other. Your husband has no idea if you stayed 15 min or all day. You could walk out the door and a friend come to visit and ur husband tell that friend you haven't been there in days. Because of short term memory loss, ur DH may not remember u visited 5 min after u left. The visiting is more for your peace of mind. And as said, doesn't hurt to make an appearance now and then to keep staff on their toes. If you don't want to go, don't go. He is safe and being cared for.
I don't believe one must go every day, but perhaps every other day now, as most if not all nursing facilities are running short handed, so it can't hurt to make sure he's receiving the care he needs and deserves. It's probably also best that you plan your visits for different times of the day, so you can get a better picture of exactly how thing are going for him there. And like MACinCT stated below, you can always answer his question of wanting to go home, with the response, "when your doctor says it's safe for you to go home." I'm sure it's very difficult for you to hear him say that he wants to go home all the time, but you know in your heart of hearts that he is exactly where he needs to be right now, so please have peace about that. God bless you.
I think that you should visit often enough to check on his care. Each person in a NH needs an advocate. If your presence is upsetting him, perhaps you can view him from a distance to assure yourself that he is doing well.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
They have no conception of time. Their days just run into each other. Your husband has no idea if you stayed 15 min or all day. You could walk out the door and a friend come to visit and ur husband tell that friend you haven't been there in days. Because of short term memory loss, ur DH may not remember u visited 5 min after u left. The visiting is more for your peace of mind. And as said, doesn't hurt to make an appearance now and then to keep staff on their toes. If you don't want to go, don't go. He is safe and being cared for.
It's probably also best that you plan your visits for different times of the day, so you can get a better picture of exactly how thing are going for him there. And like MACinCT stated below, you can always answer his question of wanting to go home, with the response, "when your doctor says it's safe for you to go home."
I'm sure it's very difficult for you to hear him say that he wants to go home all the time, but you know in your heart of hearts that he is exactly where he needs to be right now, so please have peace about that. God bless you.
Welcome to the forum.
How long has your DH been in the NH?
I think that you should visit often enough to check on his care. Each person in a NH needs an advocate. If your presence is upsetting him, perhaps you can view him from a distance to assure yourself that he is doing well.