How should I prepare for our caregiving watch to come to an end?
I have been helping to care for my bedfast MIL for going on 4 years now. We have cared for her in our home for just over 1 year (she was in a facility prior). We have great help, and we work together well as a family. Yet, we see her declining and I know that our caring duties will come to an end at some point. Those of you whose watch has ended, what helped you transition out of caregiving and into a new, post-caregiving routine? Also, both my parents are deceased, so I’ve have experienced that type of grief before. It was super tough for me as an only child, and I don’t want grieve that hard again. So I will miss my MIL, but I will be relieved knowing that she is healed and whole and with the Lord and family members. But this will be the first parent to pass for both my hubby and BIL. How can I be helpful to them?
Meaning we really cannot plan for the unknown of the future.
Everyone grieves differently. As someone with the two best parents in the world who was also blessed with the best older bro, I greatly feared the demise of my loved ones. However, as luck would have it I felt little other than great relief that at their ends their suffering was over and I no longer had to stand watch so fearful of further losses for them. Yes, I missed them. But in all truth I still feel them with me, even though many years have gone by and I am myself 82.
So I don't think you can preplan what the grieving may be like. You may find it is a gentle process indeed. And you may not, and you will access help of counselors and support groups as needed at the end.
As to transitioning to care center, consider Hospice and in facility hospice if any are available as they will be a great help. Even getting Hospice into the home now will give you social services help with transfer to in facility if needed.
Wishing you good luck.
How can you be helpful?.....
Be the kind and loving person you have been. Be the generous person that has helped them through the past 4 + years.
Greif has no timeline. It's funny, you look around and the world still goes around, the sun still rises and sets, your heart keeps beating as if nothing has changed yet everything has changed. You, your husband and his brother will carry on then all of a sudden a song will come on, you will make one of mom's recipes and he will cry (or get mopey) and he won't know why. And that could happen a year from now or 7 years from now.
And because it is me...if you do not have Hospice in helping you please make that call.
((hugs))
I think my main concern is how to help my family navigate. Like I mentioned earlier, I have walked this road before. I took my own mom’s death pretty hard, because it was sudden. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I feel like caring for my MIL is different, and we are saying goodbye slowly over time. For that reason, I feel I will be ready to move on much quicker than the rest of my family. So, I don’t want to seem insensitive to their needs, but I need to hold space for myself to be relieved and not really sad. Know what I’m saying?
On many occasions, I would look through the house and decide what collectibles of hers would go and what would stay. I am aware of various family heirlooms and those will stay.
I would be able to do some organizing in and outside the house and it would be the most presentable it's ever been in my life. Visitors wouldn't be limited to just one section of the house.
My father doesn't know we sold it. I wasn't sure if I should tell him. It is just another sad reminder of his past life. I don't think it does much good to bring it up.
Neither my sisters nor I were very sentimental about keeping anything. We were ruthless.
I am so glad the house is gone. I worried about the place during my months in California.
I plan to spend more time with my granddaughters who are 10 and 9. And go on nice extended vacations and not having to coordinate with my sisters.