My mom, whom I was caregiver to for many years, recently passed in January. It's been harder for me, I think, because I took care of her. After my dad passed from stage four cancer in 2012, I made a promise to him to look after mom... I'd have gladly done this anyway. I helped with cooking, cleaning, doc appt, things like that, but it felt more like companionship I guess for both of us. My siblings helped when they could, even if begrudgingly. They had their lives and families, I'm single and was able. Plus my younger sibling has their own childhood demons to deal with, so they kept their distance until mom needed more care. Now, it's me who feels lonely in grief and with family around. Due to circumstances, when mom passed, the apartment we shared asked me to leave, I had to do a quick move and had to move in with my younger sibling. I'm grateful, but even a few days in, I'm already feeling like I'm in her way. She suffers from anxiety and takes "medicinal" to help deal with it, which I don't judge her for. But I also feel it's kind of a time bomb situation, if past experiences during my father's passing is any indication. I don't know what to do, how to approach it when something said is taken like a dagger to her heart. Plus she kind questions why it's taking my grief a bit longer than hers. Giving advice on how to deal with it, then annoyed when I explain why I feel as I do...not bouncing back quick enough it feels.
I didn't know how to query this on here, but I'm gonna try. Any help would be appreciated.
I second the other posters that it’s time to make plans: work, volunteering, housing, maybe even something fun to look forward to in the short term, like an inexpensive day trip to a scenic place where you can think about your mom and your life while enjoying some fresh air and a change of scene. And walking— I took a lot of long walks and hikes when I started to feel up to it after my father died. Also, attending a church or community sponsored grief support group might be just the thing. Glad you have some funds to hopefully give you a little time and wiggle room as you take steps forward.
All the best to you! 😊
Try to set some short goals for yourself.
Those short goals will get you to that long term goal.
Meanwhile it seems that you understand your sibling that is number one goal so thats great!
Maybe you and sibling can get to a therapist sometimes they are offered through your health insurance.
Also, continue to read this site - it will help.
Know that a prayer has been said for you and sibling ((hugs))
What are you doing with your time, and your finances? Do you plan to stay with your sister permanently? It sounds like that may not work out, so maybe start looking around for a place of your own, or shared with someone else, like a roommate or basement apartment, if you need something more affordable.
Are you working, or were you a full-time caregiver for your mother? If you were full-time and now need a job, senior facilities or caregiver agencies could use someone with your experience.
You can also look for grief support groups. Some churches and community groups have them. Your local agency on aging may be able to provide a referral.
Take good care of yourself while you go through this major life change.
Moving in here was a quick ish decision, and though I am extremely grateful, I feel I might be in the way and am currently exploring other options. As for work, I last held a job in 2017 where I was let go for trying to get my own health in order. I know things happen for a reason, but this one knocked me past the middle of next week. And I am thinking of trying to join a church, haven't been in one in years, but might be what I need.
It is time now, while mourning a hard loss, to know that you must move forward.
If you are able to work or to start by volunteering consider going to care facilities. Whether you are under SS age and needing to work or need supplemental to get enough to work toward independence this will both keep you busy, help you feel needed again, and give you funds for your own housing.
I am very sorry for your loss. I wish you the best of luck. We often see caregivers lose both their loved one AND their housing at the same time. That you have a Sis to help you temporarily is a boom many do not have; you do know, it seems that you cannot take advantage of that.