April 2024, my doctor after a surgery said that I needed a nursing home to care for me as I could not walk. I lived alone in an over 55 village which I loved. However to move, a huge, not much choice. No room at the town I was in. My daughter lives near this place, so this was the best choice as other children live in other states. I’m 70 years old with all working facilities. I hate it here. Not the 1000 miles from friends etc., it’s that I don’t have much choice regarding lots of things. E.g. asking to toilet, go outside, inside, a drink, clean teeth, wash hands, pass me this, wash my bum, put this away, that away, etc., etc. .I have hurt my daughter somehow, as she has blocked me on the phone @ email. She said I was a liar. She has not spoken to me or let me see my 2 grandsons since before Christmas. There is so much more, so no daughter, no friends, yucky food at times, some not so nice caregivers and bloody long days see so many problems here, but no one to tell. Management don’t care and staff don’t say boo.I DONT WANT TO BE HERE. I CRY EVERYDAY.
Can you write a letter to your daughter apologizing and asking her to talk with you to try to work things out? You need to be prepared to really listen to her and be wiling to at least consider making changes based on what she tells you.
What about your other children? Can you talk with them, not in a complaining way, but asking them to help you find a more appropriate facility? That doesn't necessarily mean moving to where they are, but they could help research and discuss options.
If you don't have a PoA at all, or a legal guardian, then you are free to move yourself out of there, you are not a prisoner. You'll just need to get help to do it.
Let's start with one thing at a time.
Daughter.
You say you have "hurt her somehow". And seem not to have any clue how that happened?
I'd start there with a note, a text, a letter, a phone call and say "I miss you so very much. I love you so. I am so sorry. Tell me what I did so I can work on myself."
I understand you're unhappy. Perhaps even depressed. I'd talk to your doctor about that because sometimes a low dose anti-depressant can help us bridge tough times.
As to unhappiness? The losses of aging (I am 82) aren't something we can really be HAPPY about, but the truth is, if we are constantly unhappy and complaining people are going to AVOID us. They can't fix it; it makes them feel as though their being there for you doesn't help. They will avoid it, human nature. So there is going to have to be real, solid effort.
Now, you apparently are physically VERY limited. You mention needing help with toileting and moving. Can you tell us more about your needs and why they cannot be met?
Also tell us what you CAN do. You clearly have access to a computer. Now, at 82, much of my a.m. "fun" is a good cup of coffee and pounding away here on the Forum. It brings me joy. I also do FB and I do it for the Art now that I don't do museums so much, for crafts and photography and philosophy and cooking. I take great joy in reading. TV not so much any more. I avoid politics like a plague. Too many unhappy people and I am convinced media FEEDS us poison to make us sick, unhappy, and angry (I know. I am overly dramatic); my partner is a political junkie, and quite honesty it isn't doing a lot for him.
I hate to put the onus and burden on the "victim" but the sad truth is that we have had our lives. We ARE now a burden more or less on this our society and in the lives of our children, who WORRY about us. IF we present our trials and tribulations as the whole and all of ourselves, we will be avoided like a plague. There's already too much of that in their lives.
You have caregivers. Sorry. That's one TOUGH job says this old, retired RN. And a grateful word, a simple compliment ("you have the loveliest hair"; "your smile is beautiful", "I am so happy the days you work") will earn you rewards you can't imagine. Start thinking of what is around you that is beautiful.
I wish you the best. Make no mistake, through an entire career trying to help, and now experiencing what was meant by "I lost my balance"? I understand. It's tough stuff. Last year meant a cancer for me at the beginning and a stroke for my partner at the end of the year. I'm so glad to file 2024 away.
Good luck.