I have taken her to appointments in the past, and it is about a 20 minute drive. I always ask her if she needs to use the rest room before we get in the car. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn’t. But either way, she always needs to use a bathroom about 5 minutes into the drive. Rather than turn around (and be late for the doctor appointment), I stop at a fast food restaurant to use their restroom. This is not easy, as she uses a walker, is very fragile and has dementia. I have to find a fast food restaurant fast, as she becomes very agitated. It would help me a lot if I could hear of other people having a similar experience, and how they handle it.
Now Mom is in a NH, I would re-evaluate her doctors. If she has specialists and she is stable, I may ask if a GP can take over her care seeing the specialist when needed. Or, appts every 6 momths or a year. Moms urologist I dropped because she was passed the 5 yr mark for bladder cancer and she was over 85 yrs old with Dementia. If the cancer returned, we would have done nothing to cure it.
Just like a child, you don't ask Mom if she needs to go, you tell her she needs to go before you leave. You also have her wearca depends.
I think Igloo's advice of paying a staffer to take her to the appointmet *where you will meet her for the hand-off* is a good idea. Especially if you are her PoA, someone who has legal authority needs to be IN the exam room with her at all times. If you are not her PoA then she needs to write you in as her Medical Representative on the HIPAA form you request from the receptionist.
Let us know how it goes!
In regards to her overactive bladder, notify the NH that she has an outside appointment and she will need to wear a brief due to her elevated need to urinate (most likely due to anxiety of the outing and dementia). Follow up with a phone call the night before so it isn't forgotten.
You pay them for their time whatever seems appropriate (ask the DON). It’s a win all around as they get a bit of extra cash, you have extra hands to help (& distract) who knows her & the NH; and Auntie is familiar with them so all kumbaya. Less stressy. I bet they can get Auntie to void before she even leaves the NH as Auntie used to staff asking her to do things and she complies.
Also ask if Auntie should switch to a different panty for doctor visits trips and what brand is best for her type.
& thank you for being there for your Auntie!
This is just the realities of life now for you both. She cannot afford a rush call and fall on way to a bathroom, nor do you need to deal with screaming employees.
What works in SF is to sometimes give a 5.00 bill to someone interfering and say "I am a paying customer now". And go about the business of getting into the bathroom.