Mother, 88, lives alone in own home with some help (reluctantly). She is very stubborn and proud. Mobility and vision issues are getting worse. I am worried about her safety . I am only daughter, have two brothers, one local who does not offer help and the other lives 3 hours away who visits monthly. Our family does not communicate. I am feeling taken for granted and worried that things are going to get worse.
I wish you the best. All too often the daughter is the one expected to do it all. Some can and some can't. If you can't, that doesn't make you bad. You may want to read this article: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/not-everyone-cut-out-to-be-a-caregiver-162192.htm
Good luck,
Carol
Then you can inform your brothers of Mom's status periodically, but you won't need their blessing or approval.
I was put in timeout when my mother huffed to me after our huge argument last May that she would never ask me to do anything ever again. Her daily (sometimes several times a day) phone calls ceased for a while.
I loved being in timeout!
What are you currently doing for your mother, and what more do you expect to be doing for her in the next six months or so? Does she drive? Does she clean her house? Does she cook and prepare her own meals? Can she manage her own finances?
I am the local daughter to my 90 y/o mother (who lives alone). I have three out-of-state brothers. Whenever I take her someplace (or my dh or I have to do something for her), I send an e-mail to my three brothers for documentation purposes. I first started doing this when my mother accused me of lying when I told her I had to stay with her for 8 days and nights when she somehow hurt her back and became almost helpless. If there is any question down the line about what I did or didn't do for her, I will have all the emails as documentation.
I have her health care proxy (which can only be activated if she is incapable). The four of us sibs have a durable general POA. Only two of my brothers have access to her money, though, as they are the successor trustees for her trust. And they can only access it if she is incapable. That could get sticky, I suppose, at some point, but that's what my mother wanted. If any decisions have to be made regarding her money, I will step back and away until they are made. (So that will force at least one of those two successor trustees to come down and help make the decision about what facility my mother ends up in, if it comes to that.) And if it comes to the point where I feel I am taken advantage of, I will request payment. If that payment isn't forthcoming, my help to our mother stops.
My mother lives with my brother, so she is by no means "alone". How much they interact with her is an unknown as she tells me they "never" some to see her, and they say they ALL pop their heads in at least once a day.
My 4 other sibs are totally MIA. Mother isn't even on their radar.
I started emailing them once a month or so to give them little updates as to mom's current doings and such and remind them to call or visit. I DID insist that EVERYONE visit her over Christmas, and all came through.
In reality, they usually go months between phone calls or visits. You cannot control that.
Mother is hard to spend time with--none of us is close to her and she actually will send us away for periods of time ( I am in timeout right now, myself) for "bad" behavior (I tried to clean her apartment).
Long story short, you cannot force, coerce nor guilt someone in to visiting anyone. I do what I can, and let the chips fall where they may. (It used to drive me crazy, but I have let that go. I can't control my sibs.)
Two years ago, after both my parents had falls, I went ahead move them to move suitable accommodation. None of my siblings come forward to help. Then, I have to entice them by suggesting that we may make a capital gain with the new unit, would anyone wants to share the investment. That brought in three of my siblings into the loop.
It was a tough job.
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